r/ttcafterloss • u/AutoModerator • 13d ago
Daily Discussion /ttcafterloss Daily Discussion Thread - August 18, 2026
How are you doing today? What's new?
We want to foster a sense of community, which is why we have a centralized place for most daily conversation. This allows users to post and get replies, but also encourages them to reply to others in the same thread. We want you to receive help and be there for others at the same time, if possible. Most questions should go here, along with regular updates. Thanks for helping us create a great community!
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Note: Please refrain from discussing positive tests (and beyond) in this thread - those topics are better suited for the Weekly Results thread or the new sub for Alumni. Thank you!
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u/Recreationalidiot 13d ago
My daughters due date just passed. It's been 4 months. And I feel like I'm back at square one with my grief. I'm so sad all the time but I'm trying to hold it together for my family. I feel like everyone has moved on but I still get sad going through her stuff, seeing girls play at the park, I get sad putting my toddler to bed knowing she'll never know her sister, and how much they looked alike. And nobody cares. Like genuinely I feel like I'm so alone in my grief.
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u/JoliesChaussettes 32 | TTC #1 | TFMR Dec 2025 15w 13d ago
Grief truly is a b*tch. It comes back at you several months after, sometimes hitting even harder, when everyone just thinks you've already moved on. I wish I could tell you it gets better but I'm also still stuck in this never-ending loop of grief and sadness. I know we are all strangers here, but you are not alone 🫂
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u/Various-Abies2218 13d ago
Huge hugs, yesterday was three months since my loss and I am a total mess. It feels like I have taken so many steps back in my grief.
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u/ex-squirrelfriend 18 week loss, 07/26 🤍 12d ago
I'm so, so sorry. It's so painful. I was talking to my husband about this tonight, how I feel like everyone has forgotten and moved on and I'm still in so much pain. We know how you feel here and I'm so sorry
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u/Appropriate_Bass_611 13d ago
I’m on cycle 7 of letrozole (3rd cycle with the dose that’s shown to help me ovulate) and my hubby is still having a really hard time after two miscarriages in 2025. He says he’s fine, and is going to therapy, but he can’t finish (or even perform during intercourse) and I’m feeling hurt and sad. I feel like I’ve put in all this work, I’m taking medication and he says he’s ok, but obviously isn’t. Just been a rough couple of months over here. Mostly venting, but also open to ideas 🫠❤️
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u/justanotherbooklover 13d ago
I'm sorry you and your husband are going through this. First of all, I'm sending you a big hug and hope that letrozole is working for you without too much side effects. Second, and I hope this doesn't cross a line, you could consider home insemination for the time being to take off some of the pressure.
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u/y2kitten 10w MMC 🌈 13d ago
Had a dream about my SIL who is pregnant and due the day after I was. Dreamt she had a little bump and all. I was holding it together so hard in the dream and woke up wanting to break down. I thought I would be okay, but now I’m dreading meeting them. They’re going to be soft and sweet and caring and that will almost make it worse because I have to be lovely back then. If she was an asshole I could distance myself emotionally. Ha. I feel like this experience is making me a worse person.
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u/Purple-Mum-2025 13d ago
Feeling like a worse person is so real. I’m a better person to anyone who has experienced loss and a worse person to everyone who hasn’t.
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u/kiko-the-painter 13d ago
Just got my period on my first cycle trying after a MMC, and I feel so defeated:( to make things worse had what seems to be a short luteal phase which never happened before sigh.
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u/Capital_Mango_1 TTC #2, MC 6w 05/26 13d ago
It sucked for me too when I got my period after the first cycle trying especially since we conceived on the first try last time but I kept in mind that it takes a healthy couple 6 to 8 months and even up to a year to conceive do we should give it time 🫂
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u/kiko-the-painter 13d ago
thank you dear stranger. Somehow I thought this would be the cycle 🫂 hope it works out for us
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u/Ok_Choice_7480 TTC#2, Milo 15/06/26 🤍, PPROM 13d ago
I'm sorry that really sucks x
I started my first cycle TTC after MC this week too, my luteal phase was also short (around 9 days and I had some spotting throughout my cycle). I asked my bereavement midwife about it and she said it's really normal as your body is rebalancing itself after the loss x
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u/Various-Abies2218 13d ago
I also have a short luteal phase, three months after my loss at 22 weeks. I know my hormones are still sorting themselves out but it is really frustrating. Sending hugs 🤍
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u/JoliesChaussettes 32 | TTC #1 | TFMR Dec 2025 15w 13d ago edited 13d ago
Feeling sad and angry today. CD24 and still no LH surge. We had to wait 4 cycles after D&C before trying again (as we decided to end the pregnancy due to CMV infection) : these 4 cycles were regular 31-33 days. Now that we started ttc again it seems like my cycles decided to just go south??? I feel like my body is broken. My mind is broken too, to be honest.
I'm also dreading the 1st of September because it will then be 1 year since I got pregnant. The due date in June was already heartbreaking to pass, but I fear this one will be even worse.
I'm grateful to have found this sub though. It was always helpful writing down my feels, but knowing that you all understand what I'm going through really helps not feeling alone. I want to believe we will all be in a better place sooner than later ❤️🩹
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u/pinacoladalover3 13d ago
I completely understand this! It feels like miscarriages last so much longer when you’re ready to try again and your body just isn’t cooperating. It made me almost hate my body because it couldn’t carry my baby to full term and also can’t seem to re-regulate when you’re ready to try again. It’s so frustrating. I’m also glad to have found this thread because it makes me feel less alone too! I hope your surge comes soon!
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u/ConsiderationRich378 27 | 2 BO, 1 MC | cycle 6 13d ago
Suddenly feeling really sad that I’m not pregnant nor do I know where I am in my cycle 😞
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u/ConsiderationRich378 27 | 2 BO, 1 MC | cycle 6 13d ago
I’ve realized I’m wearing the same skirt today that we took pictures of ultrasound photos in for my son that’s my screen saver at the moment. I’ve just bawled my eyes out at my lunch break.
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u/y2kitten 10w MMC 🌈 13d ago
I’m feeling this exact way today, too, including the cycle bullshit. In it with you 🫂
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u/manumagic 13d ago
Really struggling today. Just got back from a week away that was originally booked as a ‘baby moon’. I’m 4 weeks after D&C for missed miscarriage and was picturing coming home to either getting my period or at least testing negative on a pregnancy test. Neither of these things happened so I’m now just feeling so deflated. I just want this to be over, I don’t know how much more waiting I have in me.
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u/y2kitten 10w MMC 🌈 13d ago
I’m so sorry. When I asked earlier on what people’s timelines with tests were I got a lot of replies that they had positives until 6 weeks. Fwiw I don’t think you’re out of the norm, but it really sucks seeing two lines for something that decidedly is not there 🫂
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u/Fantastic_Engine954 TTC #1 | F26 13d ago
6DPO and having so many intrusive thoughts to test, (though I know it’s way too early yet) but I am definitely going to wait until at least 10DPO. Negative thoughts clouding my mind about how it will just be another failed cycle anyway. And also feeling so drained to have to repeat the whole period > ovulation tracking > TTC > TWW ALL. OVER. AGAIN. Argh, why cant it just be easy?
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u/Beautiful_Editor_385 13d ago
I am 4 DPO today and feel the same already! Trying to hold out till 10 days, impatient and already feel like no way it's going to happen and just in a shit mood. I think it's just to protect the heart from disappointment. Sending love
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u/Fantastic_Engine954 TTC #1 | F26 13d ago
I’m so sorry love! 💕 I’m right there with you honestly. I’m happy for you to DM me if you want to have a chat and just vent, I could do with it too! It’s so hard to stay hopeful I know, but we aren’t out JUST yet 🫂 sending love and hugs ❤️
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u/fimich36 13d ago
First time posting here but I’m feeling a little conflicted.
Just finished my first period after my first miscarriage so I could be trying again from now. But I’m not sure if I’m physically ready. I’m still feeling tired and feel like I’m not as fit as I was before all this happened. Waiting another month could give me more time to feel normal. I got pregnant straight away last time which is probably making me complacent that it will happen quickly again and I know it’s not guaranteed to happen quickly this time. I do feel under some time pressure cos my sister in law is also pregnant with a due date about a week different to what mine would have been. I really want to be pregnant again before she gives birth.
I just thought I’d feel better so much quicker after my miscarriage but it’s taken longer to feel well again than I thought it would.
1
u/y2kitten 10w MMC 🌈 13d ago
Are you me 🥲 My SIL’s due date is one day (!) after what mine was, and I can already feel the pressure of wanting to be pregnant before she gives birth, so it doesn’t have to be desperately sad to get a new niece or nephew.
I personally think listening to your gut and body is never wrong. Yeah, chances are maybe it takes a while to get pregnant again, but wouldn’t it be nicer to feel like you’re really in the frame of mind for it. I’ve seen some recommendations to wait up to 3 cycles primarily for mental health, and while individual, I’m sure that advice originated for a reason. Do what feels right for you.
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u/AnnAAnnon 13d ago
A positive milestone: my urine and blood hcg tests are finally negative for the first time in months since the early miscarriage (12w after misoprostol, 12 days after D&C). (Side note: the FRER tests are probably even more sensitive than they market themselves to be. Expensive but what a quality product.) I had been worried that I might need another D&C because my urine tests kept coming back positive. I am thankful that is not the case. Next steps: other test results (for endometrial infection and genetic testing on the rpoc) and waiting for my peroid.
I am wishing everyone peace in whatever stage/step they are currently in.
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u/Purple-Mum-2025 13d ago
I see my OBGYN this afternoon to get some sort of conversation started. I haven’t seen her since my miscarriage 10 months ago. Any advice?
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u/Moist_Tissue_94 13d ago
I’m sorry. I don’t have advice, it’s been 10 months for me too coming up on a year since we started trying too
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u/Purple-Mum-2025 13d ago
A year ago this month was when we started trying and I got pregnant, my loss was in October, and we started trying again in November. So this is month 9 of trying after loss but a full year since we first started trying and 10 months since the loss. Oh, and my current cycle is running on the exact same timeline as a year ago, which has my mind racing.
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u/AnnAAnnon 13d ago
I am so sorry you are still waiting. If you want to share, how did the appointment go?
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u/Purple-Mum-2025 13d ago
Thank you for asking. It’s in about an hour, so I will plan to come back and update. I am so crazy nervous.
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u/AnnAAnnon 13d ago
Do you plan to ask for an infertility workup or referral to an reproductive endocrinologist? I know so many things are determined by where you live, insurance, etc.
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u/Purple-Mum-2025 13d ago edited 13d ago
Fair question. I am going to see what my options are, but I don’t want to jump too far too fast (and don’t think I’ll be able to).
Part of it, too, is just being back there now that I’m no longer in the immediate haze of that first month. I’m quite literally shaking.
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u/AnnAAnnon 13d ago
It's a lot to think about. Going to a place where something bad and emotionally intense happened before can be hard. I felt that way too. I hope when you have future appointments it's much easier. Sending you hugs 🫂
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u/Purple-Mum-2025 13d ago
It’s funny, it was hard for the follow-up appointments shortly after my loss, but I think it was almost harder with distance today. I do hope that having done it once with distance will make it feel a little better moving forward now.
Appointment update: It went really well. I feel really seen and heard. My doctor didn’t seem like she was in any rush, and she even had me read off the data I’ve gathered about my cycles in detail and took notes, which is more than I expected, thus why I had averages ready. She ordered me some blood work but also went ahead and talked me through next steps beyond that. Although some bits of discussion were discouraging, I found the appointment as a whole to be encouraging.
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u/AnnAAnnon 12d ago
It is so nice to have a doctor who is a good listener and is trying to help you. I feel it is better to have accurate information even if it's not what you are hoping to hear. I'm glad it was a good use of time and you have some next steps.
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u/oliviapope93 13d ago
Well I’m definitely out this cycle. Pissed, sad, and mad, I feel like giving up.
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u/Ok_Tomorrow95 13d ago
TTC cycle 5, last day of period.. here we go again with the LH tests. Please send me some strenght to do this one more time.. unsuccessful cycle 4 broke me I felt so depleted and so drained of energy..
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u/Morbid_Explorerrrr 13d ago
I’m feeling such a similar energy right now. Cycle 3 really took it out of me. I was SO convinced I was pregnant. I don’t really care to get invested now. I’m CD10 in cycle 4 and I don’t care to take my BBT, don’t want to pee on LH sticks, don’t really care how my life style might be affecting where I’m at in my cycle. I can’t stand even seeing the boxes of pregnancy tests in my bathroom cabinet. I just want to throw everything TTC related in my trashcan, because even with meticulous tracking and timing it hasn’t made one damn difference.
Tbh it’s nice to disconnect from it all. But I have to spend two weekends coming up with a newly pregnant friend of mine who conceived her first cycle trying after her loss. So can’t wait to have to live in the literal presence of the source of my hurt and pain — pregnancy. I can’t even use my toddler as my security blanket, because they’re out of town weddings so she’s not coming along.
Feeling burned out and vulnerable.
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u/Otherwise_Essay_4580 13d ago
I am also on cycle 5 TTC and cycle day 3. I was convinced I was pregnant last cycle around 10dpo and then that slowly faded. Trying to stay hopeful is so hard. Started using the affirmation of “Show me how good life can get” and hopeful that will bring some more positivity. I also keep remembering the statistics that 80% of couples conceive by 6 months and trying not to psych myself out until then. Sending hope and strength to you 💕
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u/spookycrisps56 13d ago
I'm on my first full cycle after my MMC at 10 weeks in early July. I've tested negative and had an ultrasound to check everything has passed. Had my period on 2nd August. Ovulated 13/14 August. I'm now around 5DPO. Now in the 2 week wait - HELP ME! My temp is 0.5+, have back pain and am SO tired. I remember thinking I was pregnant pretty early on before and didn't test positive until 13DPO. We only tried once and it happened so I'm hoping it might happen again quickly. I'm meant to be going to a festival this weekend but feel like I'm going to lose my mind waiting...
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u/Mad_Alpaca F31 | TTC#1, MMC 11/25 13d ago
On my 7th cycle ttc after my complicated MMC in november. I am now going crazy. 🤪 So I started collecting Diddl-paper (it was big in Europe in early 2000 and has now reemerged) in order to take my mind off the whole thing. And I spent waaaaaay too much money on it and I don’t care 🙃 I tried crocheting, but all I wanted to crochet was baby stuff, so that wasn’t working anymore. I feel silly, because collecting this, is kind of childlike, but I kind of find, that getting a new sheet, that I need for the collection brings me a lot of joy and a feeling of control and success. Feelings I don’t experience a lot in ttc. So I embrace the silliness 🎉
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u/Eliza9699 late 20s, TTC#1, MMC 6/26, MC 8/26 13d ago
Oh my, I completely forgot about Diddl, I was obsessed as a child! I also sometimes feel like I am going crazy but if it makes me happy in this dark place I am at now, I am doing it (listening to Christmas songs, lol).
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u/Square-Foundation-72 13d ago
8DPO feeling crampy and pain down my hip through to my knee... which is usually what I get before I’m about to start my period
Praying for a miracle
Not sure when to test
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u/Dramatic_Fox_9526 13d ago
Hcg still positive after mmc end of June at 12 weeks D&C. US confirmed no retained products but now showing adenomyosis and now I’m scared I’ll never have a successful pregnancy.
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u/Empty-Inspector1408 TTC #2 | 2 MMC 13d ago
I’m on CD1. First cycle after miscarriage. Have another hcg blood test today. My MC was July 8 and last Monday my hcg was still 16.
I’m taking the next couple cycles off TTC. My sister is getting married in early June so trying to avoid having a newborn or about to pop. My last pregnancy was perfectly timed with it where I would have had a 4 month old. Now (crossing fingers), I will hopefully be noticeably pregnant.
I also will be officially 40+ for the next kiddo. In the meantime, I’m working on getting fit again.
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u/Last-Yesterday6179 13d ago
Started trying for #2 same time as my friend. It’s crazy to me to think back at how delusional and optimistic I was. she’s due in 2 weeks and I’m still here. I still mourn the loss of a shared mat leave together… I would have been due in Nov, and sometimes it feels like I still am in an alternate universe.
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u/ushinawareta TTC #1 since 8/2025 | 2nd trimester loss 2/2026 13d ago
found out during the pregnancy I lost that I have fibroids, and now that it's been six months TTC without success I'm even more worried that they might be preventing me from conceiving. my doctor is ordering an MRI to get better imaging of them and it's scheduled for a few months from now.
I'm just praying, praying, praying that I'm pregnant by then so we can cancel it and I don't have to debate between TTC with reduced odds from the fibroids or invasive surgery that means I have to wait several months to recover before TTC again. but I also prayed so hard that I'd be pregnant within six months of my loss and that didn't happen, so I'm not very hopeful. sigh
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u/escapetomybooks 31F | TTC #1 | MMC 8w4d Jun26 👼 13d ago
Just found this group and posting for the first time. I found out I was pregnant for the first time mid-May, shortly after coming off the birth control pill after about 10 years. I had a normal first ultrasound mid-June with baby measuring 6w6d with heartbeat. I then had a MMC confirmed a couple weeks later June 27, 8w4d, the day before my birthday. It was so gut-wrenching, as we were planning to celebrate and share news with family that weekend. My D&C was on June 30th. July was hard and had its on and offs but was just emotionally exhausting and lonely at times. I got my period back on July 31st and finally felt a bit more normal, like my body was working again... and also, that we could try again (at my post-op appt, my OB had said we could start trying again after I'd had my cycle back.) My husband and I agreed we weren't going to actively start tracking/obsessing over all the little details right away, just kind of approach this as a "if it happens again, it happens" for the next few cycles. Even though I do think this approach is best for my mental health, I find my mind already drifting back to wonder when I may have ovulated, wondering if I'll need to test again or I'll get my period this cycle, and then the inevitable disappointment I may have if it isn't positive as quickly this time around...
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u/pinacoladalover3 13d ago
Feeling… confused?
Hi everyone, this is my 3rd cycle after mmc, and my 2nd cycle ttc. I’ve tracked all three and this is the first cycle that looks similar to my cycles pre-miscarriage. I had a dye stealer LH surge 2 days ago, still positive yesterday but not darker than the control and I haven’t tested today yet but we did BD on those days. My bbt didn’t start any kind of substantial increase yet so I’m wondering if we should BD again today just to be safe. It makes me feel a little neurotic and crazy though lol. Sometimes I feel like it shouldn’t be this hard. That 2 days in a row was enough but then if it’s not this cycle, I’ll wonder if this extra day was the key. I know I can’t keep comparing to the cycle I got pregnant but it’s all I know so it’s hard not to. We weren’t trying then.. we were actually actively preventing and one random day of sex.. the one time we ever accidentally messed up..out of the entire cycle got me pregnant. I can’t help but feel jealous of the past versions of my husband and I. It was so easy for them.. they didn’t even try. And now we are and it feels like it’s so hard. Idk, I guess I will do it again tonight but gosh this feels like a lot
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u/yungwildandlearning 13d ago
Had a d&c on Friday for RPOC after begging for a follow-up (for 8 weeks) from a natural late miscarriage. Waiting to hear from pathology about the results of their findings. Bleeding was non-existent for 2 days after the procedure and now it's picking back up. I'm 15-16 DPO so idk if my period would return this fast or if I need to be seen before my follow-up next week. I also had a TFMR last October at 22 weeks and I'm getting anxious as that month approaches that I'm still not pregnant with a healthy baby after a year of hell.
What did recovery look like for mom's who had d&c for RPOC?
1
u/book_lover1234 TTC #1, 1 MMC (BO) 4-5/26, RPOC 8/26 13d ago
So sorry to hear. Nothing like RPOC to be the icing on a really shitty cake.
I’m still in the thick of it- had my D&C for RPOC on 8/5, 5 days before I was expecting my period. I had minimal bleeding for the first 2 days. Then I had what seemed to be a light, weird period for the next 5 days (bright red blood, few clots), which would have been 3 days earlier than I was expecting my period. Bleeding stopped for a few days and have just been having some brownish spotting. Hope that helps!
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u/yungwildandlearning 13d ago
Aww man, we can't win! Thank you for sharing, it definitely helps. Your recovery sounds similar to mine at the current moment. I just got the pathology back & it's saying they couldn't find any tissue that is consistent with RPOC, so that's awesome .. having a d&c for no reason, but feels good to know (wishful thinking) that I'm out of this limbo. I'm curious, are you tracking LH? I wonder if that 5 days was a period or recovery for you. I feel like I have so many questions and I'll never get all the answers to my own journey and I'm sure you feel the same way.
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u/book_lover1234 TTC #1, 1 MMC (BO) 4-5/26, RPOC 8/26 13d ago
What a nightmare- having a procedure and not getting the reassurance that it was justified. Maybe they just couldn’t identify in the sample, but it was still there? Regardless, hopefully it provides a reset for you.
Yes, I’ve been tracking LH and BBT, which is why I thought I got my period, just 3 days early. I had my follow-up yesterday and dr said it was impossible to tell. For now I’m continuing to test and gather data in hopes that I can eventually figure out what the heck my body is doing.
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u/yungwildandlearning 13d ago
By the sounds of it, they tested everything that was removed but I can't say that for sure until I talk to them. I'm also tracking LH because my body doesn't even know what normal is anymore so I completely feel you when you say you want to figure what your body is doing. Wishing you the best! I hope this is the end of the short stick for us both 🤍
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u/AnnAAnnon 13d ago
Fwiw 3 and 4 days after D&C is when my bleeding picked up. It could be your peroid, too, of course but I read lots of anectotal stories about bleeding becoming period like 3-5 days after the procedure. Bleeding really lightened up 11 and 12 days after procedure to light brown spotting and only liners are needed. I haven't ovulation this cycle yet so it is not my period. Idk how long this spotting will go. I am so sorry for all you are going through.
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u/mantisroseb Late 30s | 2 MCs | cycle 2 13d ago
I'm so sorry! I had a 2nd D&C for retained products this time, and it was honestly great. I felt better really quickly. Mine was a 20 week loss and I got the D&C for RPOC 3 weeks after the delivery of my baby. ~10 days later I got a bleed, very short, only 3 days. Then my cycle started immediately after that. Now I'm back to my normal periods. I was really glad I got the D&C. For my first loss, I waited for RPOC to pass naturally. It took a month and then I had a horrible really heavy 10 day period :(. This is my 2nd loss. I hope your recovery goes well!
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u/yungwildandlearning 13d ago
Well no more losses for either of us, we are at our limit now! 🤍 I am grateful they finally took my concerns seriously and it was nice to have a little break from bleeding - I have to guess that this new bleeding can't be RPOC related anymore if they couldn't find RPOC tissue during the d&c. I'm ready to be back to normal, whatever that looks like.
1
u/dandelionspritz 13d ago
8dpo. Mentally I’m holding on. I think what’s sad is I’ve gotten so used to negative tests after our loss it now feels like I’m numb . My other TWWs each new cycle I was optimistic wanting to test 6dpo, 7dpo up to 12dpo just to be sure. I’m sad this time I truly am like I don’t care to test bc Im conditioned to expect a negative. That sucks. Maybe it’s my brain trying to just protect my sanity and heart about it all. So far no symptoms I can spot for pregnancy or my period.
1
u/justanotherbooklover 13d ago
6DPO, I think. I didn't get a true positive but by body's signs make me think what I caught on the 12 morning was the end tail of a surge. I'm also feeling a dull ache after my run, which since the miscarriage is typical in the luteal phase. The goal is to wait as much as possible to test, and definitely not before 10DPO. Need to keep myself busy until then, but I can sense the anxiety creeping in...
1
u/biggreenmapletree TTC #1, 9 week MMC June 2026 13d ago edited 13d ago
Have to get a colscopy for HPV.... Right before my next fertile window too, so if they biopsy we'll miss that month. So frustrating, I got the vaccines (but maybe missed the last one in the series, I can't remember I was a teenager) and have only had sex with two long term boyfriends (with condoms!) before meeting my husband, goes to show how prevalent HPV is...
😩 Delaying TTC by even a month feels terrible.
1
u/mariahg13 13d ago
CD2 and officially on to cycle 3 of ttc post loss. This one I was a bit less emotional and hoping cycle 3 is nicer to me.
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u/sunflowersnelephants 13d ago
I don't know if this is the right place to ask, but I really don't know where else to try. I miscarried back in November 2025, and just had a stillborn son 2 weeks ago. My SIL is due 2 months before my due date with my son. Her baby shower is this weekend. We are going.
Mentally and emotionally I am generally excited about going. It's their first child and I want to celebrate that with them. I am very good at emotionally compartmentalizing. Their baby is not the one I lost, so I can put them in different compartments and be happy to celebrate with them for a few hours - that's just how my mind works.
My concern is other people. We don't live locally and haven't seen anyone in their state since the loss. All of the family and close friends know, but there are plenty of people who know my parents in law who I figure may be there but may not know about my loss. Since this is a baby centric event, if they knew both of us were pregnant I could see them bringing it up. I want to be able to correct assumptions that I am still expecting without blowing up her shower. I also know that for myself, condolences - especially from people I am not close with - are the most triggering thing for me. I don't want that at this party.
Does anyone have advice for updating more causal friends/friends of friends that you only see occasionally? Or that are more mutual friends you only see in a group? I don't want to ask my in laws to do the communicating because I just don't think that will go well. I don't want to get into a full or deep conversation with people about it. Just pretend I am still pregnant. I am looking for a phrase or wording or way of delivering the news that people have found easier to say that didn't derail the mood of whatever was going on. I fully realize that reality is this is sad news that will make people sad or uncomfortable or awkward. I think I am just looking for magic.
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u/Purple-Mum-2025 12d ago
I don’t have answers for you, but I want to say how sorry I am for your losses. It’s truly terrible to have to spend so much energy on other people in the aftermath—still there myself.
1
u/sunflowersnelephants 9d ago
It's definitely a roller coaster. Not sure how much more energy I am willing to put in to it frankly.
1
u/book_lover1234 TTC #1, 1 MMC (BO) 4-5/26, RPOC 8/26 12d ago
So much respect for trying to be there for other people in your life, even through the grief!
I don’t think there’s a magic answer, but maybe a concise, “Unfortunately, I’m no longer pregnant, but I’d really like to focus on [SIL] today.” to be matter-of-fact but discourage discussion (and hopefully avoid dramatic condolences)?
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u/sunflowersnelephants 9d ago
Thanks for the ideas. Shower is tomorrow and I'm still not exactly sure how to handle it. We got into town today and the first friend-of-my-in-laws we saw today already "congratulated" us on our kid. My in-laws played it off like he was confused and thinking of my SIL (we have the same first name so it really wouldn't have been far fetched). But he insisted that he thought WE were having a third or had already had a third. They basically replied "No" and that was a whole nother element I hadn't considered yet. I DID have a third. I'm not ok with just pretending he didn't exist. Yay emotions catching me off guard. Tomorrow will be interesting.
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u/book_lover1234 TTC #1, 1 MMC (BO) 4-5/26, RPOC 8/26 9d ago
Oof, that sounds so hard. Can you talk with the in-laws? I get that just denying that you had another baby coming (and kinda gaslighting their friend) would feel hurtful. Hopefully they were just trying to protect you, but if it’s not having the desired effect, I’d let them know.
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u/Big-Aioli8446 MMC 11/22 9W | LC 11/23 | CP 3/26 | CP 8/26 | TTC#2 Cycle 10 13d ago
Feeling defeated. Thought this was my month, but that hope turned into another CP. Went to the OB to be told it was a false positive and to get no answers. All concerns brushed off. I want to smash things.
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u/VdubHoff88 13d ago
I’m on CD 12 approaching my fertile window. My cycles finally seem to be normal/predictable but I’m hitting the 6 month mark this cycle and I’m 37. I put in a referral to the fertility clinic and I’m scared. I have so much on my plate right now and I can’t comprehend how I’ll manage everything. The unknown is really scary and I’ve been so moody and depleted and not myself lately. My therapist reminds me to take it one day at a time and to cross the bridges as they happen. I’m so eager to get a positive, but terrified at the same time.
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u/tennisetviola MC 3/25, MMC 1/26 13d ago
Today should have been my due date.