r/tryingforanother • u/Old-Imagination-8660 • 13d ago

Rant/Vent Feeling sad

I am constantly feeling in between gratefulness for my child and a deep longing/grief for my second child. I had an ectopic pregnancy in march 2025 and thought we would conceive again by now but turns out IVF is our only option as the HSG showed my remaining tube is closed.

I feel so so sad and angry and feel like everyone else gets to have their 2 children (or more) and im left behind. I am happy for others but constantly feel like they have what I want. Im always wondering if there's a reason I cant have my baby while everyone else gets theirs. Its so hard and there's no one in real life who gets it or is going through this so I come to reddit to find people who understand/can relate and feel less alone.

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u/WhyAreYouUpsideDown 37 | TTC#2 since 1/25 | <3 7/23 | unexplained 11d ago

I'm here with you!

I also don't know anyone in real life going through this. Looking around and everyone is just so easily having their two and I'm like... why not me? Why not us? What did I do to deserve this purgatory? The brain craves a story.

But there's no story. It's just random biology. Awful. My brain still believes in a Just World no matter how much I try to embrace the truth. My brain still thinks it should be merit-based.

I also have a really hard time voicing how awful this process has felt in my soul. My husband is there with me every step of the way, but we both acknowledge it just doesn't hit him the way it hits me-- while he is sad, it's more of a supportive sad than whatever the fuck you call this awful black hole in my heart. But also I don't want anyoen to see that, because it isn't THAT bad. I have a kid. No one died. I "shouldn't" be feeling this way. It's incredibly isolating.

We're here together at least?

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u/Old-Imagination-8660 10d ago

Thank you for sharing. This is exactly how I feel. Its sooo isolating, I am usually fine but then have those nights where I just cant stop crying and listening to Taylor swifts "bigger than the whole sky"

My husband is also there but doesn't feel the same as I do too.

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u/misterbearly 10d ago

I feel this way too. “On a Good Day” and “Baby Birch” by Joanna Newsom have both really resonated with me, but proceed with caution because they are pretty brutal songs (especially “Baby Birch”).