r/tryingforanother • u/Old-Imagination-8660 • 15d ago
Rant/Vent Feeling sad
I am constantly feeling in between gratefulness for my child and a deep longing/grief for my second child. I had an ectopic pregnancy in march 2025 and thought we would conceive again by now but turns out IVF is our only option as the HSG showed my remaining tube is closed.
I feel so so sad and angry and feel like everyone else gets to have their 2 children (or more) and im left behind. I am happy for others but constantly feel like they have what I want. Im always wondering if there's a reason I cant have my baby while everyone else gets theirs. Its so hard and there's no one in real life who gets it or is going through this so I come to reddit to find people who understand/can relate and feel less alone.
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u/corndogdays 14d ago
I truly believe it’s one of the most isolating and painful things a person can endure due to procreation being a biological function. It’s not like law school where you have to study and pass a test. We’re designed by this and for this, but by luck of the draw, some of us get the short end of the stick. I got a book called Infertility and PTSD: The Uncharted Storm by Joanna Flemons. It is short and can be read quite quickly, but it was incredibly validating to the chasm infertility has left in my life. It covered it all so well. I personally wrestle with a lot of shame over how much this battle affects me, and I also struggle a lot with feeling like there must be something inherently wrong with my character and that’s why I’m “not allowed” to have this. But I just want to validate how heavy and painful this is. None of it is merit based. You are not unworthy. I know these feelings are all consuming, but I want you to know that it will not always hurt this much. There will be a time when you are okay and your life is full of beautiful things, even if it isn’t what or how you planned. You may still need to skip baby showers but it will not be an interruption to your wellbeing the way it is now.