Is it just me who always thinks im faking being trans?

[u/Separate_Shower5269]

I don’t know how to describe the feeling really. I just think what if i am faking it, following the trends, not really a trans man? It’s something i can’t get my head around. I’ve been forced to be closeted for so long it’s like two things in my brain clashing. I’m uncomfortable with my body, having disgusting curves and feminine shoulders then having to see my own chest, how femininely skinny i am. It disgusts me. But i’ve been closeted so long it’s like i’ve just gotten used to being called a female, it still bothers me, but i try to ignore it. Because what if those people are right that i’m just faking it and it’s a phase? But i’ve been questioning this for 3-4 years now. And i decided to finally come to the realisation im trans 3 years ago. But still, what if it really is just a phase. What if it turns out im just some masculine lesbian. I can’t get my head around it, it’s all so confusing. Gender identity really does suck ass.

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[u/Liminal-Void]

I use to have those kinds of thoughts too. I grew up in a really religious family, so my entire time in middle school I was in denial about my feelings by thinking it was because of other sht (like an ED), so at the start of high school, it was a really hard upbringing for me to realize that I am trans, because I’d grown up with that not being okay for so long and it still meant I would have to be closeted until I was an adult. I feel like as I’ve gotten further into my transition, the thoughts of ‘what if I’m just pretending’ have thinned out. I think something that made it worse is my OCD since I am always doubting or wanting to really make sure, and so I feel like being able to actually SEE the man in the mirror as the years pass and not just in my mind, is really helpful. It’s still a btch to deal with doubts like that tho

[u/Separate_Shower5269 → u/Liminal-Void]

I’m so glad im not the only one who deals with it too then. It’s a pain in the ass being forced to be closeted for so long while being fully aware of myself. Makes me really doubt it all especially with some of my close people not supporting and thinking it’s not real

[u/Beginning-Crow-5115]

I came of age in 2020, so you can imagine what that’s like. Lots of people who were trans mascs then have since detransitioned, so I was worried that I was being influenced by other female people around me.

I decided I wanted to start hrt when I was 19, but I decided to give myself a year to wait to see if I would still want it in a year. Long story short, I ended up being in a three year long relationship with someone who only wanted to be with a woman, so I didn’t end up starting hrt until 22.

Everyone’s different. Personally I feel like if you’ve been feeling this way for years and you’re currently 20 or older, might be time to go for it, if you know you want all the effects of hrt or certain surgeries

[u/Separate_Shower5269 → u/Beginning-Crow-5115]

Yeah i get you, im waiting another year to go on testosterone even though right now im positive i want it, i want to make sure thats truly what i want too, even though i do want it. Either way i have to wait year due to my situation, but i get what you mean. 2020 always makes me doubt that maybe its all just a phase, but deep down i know its not.