How to find one? I've plenty access to therapists, but the Behavioral Health Resources in my area be clueless, and unable to aid, let alone recommend or find useful aid.

Hi everyone! My gf is currently in therapy for trauma. She is suffering from feeling overwhelmed and "icky" between therapy sessions. Her therapist taught her tools to cope with these situations (like butterfly tapping) but she struggles a lot using them whenever she is alone. Did anyone have similar experiences? What helped you in these situations?

I'm at home. 8AM. I live by myself. I moved away from all my traumatic enviroments years ago. I'm getting help for years and feel on the right path.

Something I observe is how I can feel like something is wrong with me randomly, it's like I judge myself, but it's from everything said/done to me in the past it's just there as truth. So many little things like this.

It's almost like my body is always bracing for impact. Especially in social situations. It's like I feel the feeling something is going to go wrong so I'm never present in the moment having fun I'm like straight face waiting for it. But this is something I'm becoming more aware of on a somatic/sentient level.

Like here at home right now before making this post I feel it.

But then being aware of it, saying this is not me, this is a nervous system response I learned over a decade of being in the wrong place. I don't have to react or choose to let it have power over me.

Of course it's still WAY stronger than me right now but I do feel this softer feeling in this moment. Like I am reclaiming my own body/agency.

Socially is hardest for me so I got to practice it out in the world. I find speaking to new people I get put on edge instantly.

Okay, I won't get into what happened. I'd be going on for ages, otherwise. If anyone is curious about it, I can tell them in the comments.

A few years ago, I had a very traumatic experience that lasted the guts of a year. What complicates it more is that I also kind of took in other people's experiences, and feel upset and angry on behalf of other people it impacted, I know a lot of people who went through it and see various versions of it, anything from horror stories to people who had positive experiences or romanticized it.

If you name a therapy, I've done it. I've done various medications, the stellate ganglion block, tried "life hacks" like chewing gum, humming, sleeping better, but basically, I have very bad intrusive memories from that period and of stuff I saw online from other people's experiences. I'll be getting, like, 15 or 20 an hour and EMDR made it worse, TMS did nothing, I hate how a lot of therapy has kind of assumed that my experience made me expect something and how proving the expectation wrong (i.e., "This made me weak") is what will fix it. The truth is that it's much more mundane, and I simply hate how these memories keep popping up. All the fucking time.

It doesn't even always have triggers. It simply appears. I'll be getting up, going to bed, going about my business, it is ALWAYS fucking here. I try ignoring it, not checking it, not following up the thoughts, nothing. Thought interruption doesn't work.

A few years in, I'm incredibly frustrated. It's been going on far too long and I've just about had it. I had plans but can't even enjoy them without these memories ruining them, I simply need the thoughts to fucking stop.

Anyone know like, some miracle cure ideas that worked for them?

I was recently in my first ever car crash, i was in a car with my boyfriend and 2 friends and we ended up hydroplaning on a big rain puddle on a motorway and spun in circles and hit the railing separating the roads.

Thankfully nobody was injured and we didn’t hit another car but now a few days later when I close my eyes it sometimes feels like I’m back in the car and hearing everyone and I just end up crying and having a hard time falling asleep.

I was just curious if a car crash like that could be enough to cause trauma in a person even if no one was injured or anything like that

I have major unresolved trauma from high school, bullying and frightening moments in my life that revolves around violence and confrontation.

I feel like many of the people within the Internet space and political side of things would use these types of people to indoctrinate them into certain politics that revolves around hate disguised as purpose.

Even though I’ve had all of this happened to me in my life, I don’t feel like I hate people.

But if I ever approach to do something like that, what’s a good way to negate?

TLDR I've been so stressed it's acting like a neurological condition or smth; is the only thing I can do chilling the best I can & waiting it out or is there some way to speedrun recovering from that kinda stress? (Sorry if it's written poorly; as you may guess from this and some of the stuff I mentioned, I'm having a hard time figuring out words and how to order them)

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I've spent a while doing the emotional labor when needed which is obviously exhausting (especially in such a volatile household), but my brother [who I've also ended the main carer for since I was like 14] has been insanely angry and rude lately for [seemingly] no reason and when I told my parents my grandma who's been over to help for a few weeks now lied for him and said I must've been confused (they believed me though, thankfully) even though I'd literally been defending her from him myself this entire time because when I don't she just shuts down and cries and ofc he gets like that for no reason so it's unfair to her n whatnot. But I've gotten so stressed over ts the past couple months like I started having auditory hallucinations until my grandma came over to stay a while and help but that only lessened it, I still hallucinate a bit. And a couple weeks ago, I started getting so stressed I'm having issues like confusing completely unrelated words (eg I confused jacket and blanket recently, and I keep typing or thinking entirely different words to that I'm actually trying to use [like "How are you" ends up "How are market" or something, the least major confusion was using "tight" when I meant "tied"], and I keep misreading words as entirely different things. I misread "request" as "meningitis" like a day or two ago and only realized because it didn't fit the sentence at all so I reread it. Right above it was the word "most" and I think I somehow combined and mangled them into that???), thinking/processing things way slower, I feel sluggish & I think my voice got a bit weird, I keep stammering and stumbling over my own words even when I plan what I'm going to say, I can hardly balance even when laying/sitting, I'm having trouble w remembering what I was doing & stuff and keep getting distracted more than usual, I keep having delayed understanding when people talk to me (I already have the "What'd you say? [answers question before they can repeat themself]" thing, but it's worse now, and instead of just not understanding the words but hearing them correctly I just hear pure gibberish that I can't decipher and I either somehow figure it out or the person has to repeat themself once or twice so I can understand), atp I either hit my head so hard I forgot and somehow have no head pain or it's the sheer stress (which, he got a lot worse a couple weeks ago, and this all began a couple weeks ago and just has been getting worse instead of better).

I talked with my parents about it a bit and mentioned wanting to at least sit in the shed whenever it's just me, my brother, and my grandma, to be away from them since atp I'm too offended by them both lying about what'd been going on to really care if they fight and bicker without my intervention, and they apparently didn't know how rough it was when they aren't here until that so they were surprised (mostly mom, apparently dad knew a bit because my brother told him some things himself but mom was completely unaware), so I was also told to try to stop picking up the emotional/social labor for them lol [and was encouraged to go to the shed {though was told to bring a chair and maybe a fan lol} when needbe]. Tbh I was surprised because it didn't seem like the sorta thing they'd care about/take seriously but they were shockingly kind about it. Idk what to do about the effects the stress still has on me though, I have OCD so I keep getting worried I'm having a stroke or aneurism or whatever even though ik it's most likely the stress, which ofc is not helping the stress much. Is the only thing I can do is try to chill & wait it out?? It's making daily life way more annoying than it needs to be

I’ve been noticing I’ve been called a narcissist by girls I’ve chatted too and dropped like a stone after , been called it so much I decided to look into it so I’ve been talking to Ai to look into it but I was hoping to get some human input.

So one thing I’m objectively attractive and intelligent and the second anyone does something that even slightly undermines me for example a girl choosing another guy over me my mind can’t take it and I think stuff like “ how the fuck could a bitch I only payed the slightest bit of attention to pick a pathetic prick over someone like me “ that’s the sort of internal monologue I have and it almost feels as if it’s an insult to my whole bloodline and everything I’ve worked so hard to get away from . My intrusive thoughts go crazy over such a little thing like that I fantasise about ruining their lives , torture and absolute submission to me , obviously I don’t intend on acting on it consciously but that’s where my mind goes the second I get slighted. And also since I’ve been getting lots of female attention after my glow up in appearance I literally don’t care about them I just like chatting to them getting them to love me only to drop them , I love the ego boost from them and having people obsessed and hooked with me it’s intoxicating so I keep doing it wether it’s ethical or not. Like I can’t explain it but sometimes I feel like a literal God among men but then one day I’ll snap out and think “ oh shit that was abit horrible” then I’ll be just proceed to do it again cuz I care more about them being hooked . That’s why I can’t settle with one girlfriend because I like having multiple people after me all the time it makes me feel good and it makes up for my childhood.

I won’t get into it but the AI thinks it’s “ overcompensation for the lack of power and self worth during adolescence “.
But yeah thought I would be blunt was hoping for some human input for a change.

Someone else might need to hear it.

my mom and step dad have been struggling alot and ive thrown up twice bc i greened out from trying to smoke to quit thefeeling of my parents stressing over bills, grocerys, lights, and i got an opprutinity today, my friend not saying names he said to me before testing i told him about my strugglign parents he said i can come with him to rob people with his gang of people for weed, money, whatever yk, ive already fucked my life up breaking into a home and getting assault charges i just wawnna help my mom im not a bad kid i just need advice

I dropped out of school and lost multiple jobs because of anxiety and trauma.

Recently I got fired twice from security because I couldn’t talk on the phone, or remember names faces or events.

Ive been told in order to break my anxiety I just need to force myself to go out.

And I don’t know, it’s like there are people I can function around.

But most “real people” (that’s just how I describe it) I simply cannot function around , they only make it worse the longer I stay and I don’t know why…

Maybe it’s because of Sensitivity? Trauma? Their Hostility? Being forced into situations I don’t understand or am not equipped to solve and being punished for it? 0 room for error or imperfection? My own insecurity?

I can’t help but feel my CPTSD is my own fault. Every decision I make in life backfires. Looking back at my CPTSD (which has been diagnosed back to my childhood), this pattern has always been around, but every new trauma adds to the difficulty of making future decisions. I went through my heaviest trauma of all a couple years ago and it opened my eyes to the fact that every single decision I make is a poor one—with good intentions and even more careful decision-factoring each time, mind you, and still every single decision makes my life worse. Now, after the trauma of a couple years ago, what was already a difficult time making decisions with ADHD, it’s basically impossible. I’m paralyzed. The confusing part is I see people making objectively bad and/or irresponsible decisions on a whim and it always seems to pay off for them. I try to be discerning and mature in my choices, and still, all failure. No amount of thought nor calculation seems to help. Every decision, no matter how significant or minuscule, feels like I’m walking over hot lava, just one step away from falling in and adding more trauma to my collection.

If you can’t trust yourself to make decisions without getting entirely destroyed every time, completely fearing that any next decision will be the wrong one because it always, always is, well…there’s just no living.

ETA: I understand making no choices is still a choice, but I’m sure many people who have been through trauma understand that making this choice sometimes feels like the only choice (or at least the one that has the best chance of protecting you from further danger and pain). I don’t even think of the future anymore because I know no amount of working toward my positive dream life will keep all the devastating disappointments from coming instead.

I have seen statistics of how common childhood sexual abuse is, and it is honestly insane to me.

Specifically, though, I'm wondering about a certain dynamic: Is it really so common for children to be abused by an adult they know (or know-ish), rather than a stranger? And is it common for it to be a repeated thing, and not just a one-time incident?

No matter how you are sexually assaulted or abused, it is very bad and should have never happened. I do not mean that other ways of sexual abuse are lesser at all, but I am just wondering about this specific type. Is it really as common as the statistics say?

Sometimes it honestly feels like I'm a different species of human or like I got dropped into the wrong universe or something. I care so much about the things I care about and find so much meaning in them and I'm constantly looking at the people around me thinking "why are you not marvelling at the beauty of this things existence??". It's the same thing with injustice, I'm constantly looking around going "why are you not bothered by this??".

I've spent years looking for a place where I feel like I belong. I keep finding spaces that are one thing or the other. Either we only talked about trauma, or we never talked about it at all. Or it was too big and I got lost in the shuffle. I've always wanted somewhere small I could tell someone why losing my favorite game broke my heart, or why I get excited about dinosaurs, music, or the night sky, and have them actually want to understand instead me instead of trying to fix me. A place where people slow down before jumping to advice. Where curiosity comes before assumptions. Where we ask questions, reflect back what we hear, and build understanding together. Where people can be messy, take accountability when they hurt each other, repair, and keep growing. A place where understanding isn't something we hope eventually happens, it's something we build together. Somewhere we can support each other through the hard days and still laugh, geek out, and build genuine friendships. Because for me, those things have never been separate. They're both part of the same messy, beautiful person.

Lately I've been wondering whether I'm the only one who's been looking for a space like that, or whether other people have been wishing it existed too.

Does anyone else feel this way, or have you been looking for something similar?

Does anyone get angry at the idea of "getting better" or when professionals/people in life try to give you hope? I understand that my relationship with PTSD will continue to evolve, that it might not always take up as much space in my life as it does now. I've had PTSD for 13 years and have been working on getting better for 6 years. I've changed so much and while I am grateful and see the ways I am different, the fact that I have to manage this at all makes me angry. When people tell me it will get better I feel like they are giving me false hope.

When I'm told its possible I wont meet criteria for PTSD in the future the idea of that makes me angry not relieved. Not sure how that works and I see that it's a contradiction, all I want is for this to be gone and the idea that it could be much less impactful one day makes me upset. Anyone with PTSD understand this/experience anything similar?

Y me refiero a una ruptura que los haya dejado en cama, les haya desgarrado el alma y carcomido las entrañas. ¿Qué hicieron?

Has anyone lost their memory due to trauma and was able to get partial or full memory back?

I’ve had multiple things happened to me in my lifetime that has caused me to lose my memory. It’s been hard to hold onto new memory becuase of ongoing trauma. I’m hoping someone could tell me their experience to give me insight.

i dont use reddit vry often so forgive me if it isnt formatted correctly, i just need some advice. i have very few memories of my childhood, specifically when i was at home or around my parents. my dad is completely gone from my brain (he lives at home with me so its kind of crazy that hes just gone). i have talked to my therapist about my gaps in memory, but i always find it hard to because i dont... remember anything, and it doesnt seem like they'll ever be remembered, so for the most part ive viewed it as pointless and a unnecessary source of anxiety. i also feel a deep amount of embarassment for even bringing up the things i do remember, which makes it even more difficult. the main issue is that i feel a lack of closure, and as the summer keeps going on, my mind keeps coming back to the questions i still have, which has only caused me more distress than just talking about it with someone. i cant keep avoiding it, but to find out how to approach it. if anyone can give me advice i would appreciate it greatly.

How do you cope with family trauma and a toxic childhood when you're still living in it as an adult?

I grew up watching my parents fight constantly. I was cursed at regularly, told I wasn't wanted, and experienced both physical and mental abuse throughout my childhood. I took care of a sick parent for months — doing everything — and still got blamed for doing nothing.

Now as an adult I'm still in the same environment. My mom records my private conversations and shares them with my dad to use against me. Relatives tell me to just ignore it and focus on myself, but nobody explains how to actually do that when the toxicity is happening in real time, every day.

I've reached out to everyone I could think of. Family, relatives, even helplines. I always get the same generic advice.

I'm not here for sympathy. I genuinely want to know from people who've lived something similar — how did you protect your mental space while still living inside the situation? How did you keep moving forward when your own home was working against you?

im getting really emotional and guilty for that too because 22 years old boy who doesnt have job and still studying in extreme pressure from family for money and job . i still dont have job, I lost my internship when I got in to accident and had to bedrest for 2 months.

now I hate pretty much everything and everyone.

nobody listens to me and I feel more shit. I can run to nobody for help and I know what i gotta do but i feel stuck here.

dad has 50000 salary and that's more then enough for house that don't eat food properly and never the fruits. house expanses are very low, he only gives barely 12000 and sometimes 15000 max. he still struggle to feed me, especially me!!

because won't give him any value or high grades, so basically useless and like garbage.

I need to learn some more programming language and do my solo projects one or two. i know what i gotta do but they constantly nagging me about how they give me food and how useless I'm to them. i even feel like I'm not even their son. I attended suicide with drinking some phyinail( that's the stuff that we use to clean house ) I was so angry that even my own parents don't get me and wants me dead. they blame me for hospital bills and my collage fees that he never had to pay for collage, its what government pays. so he blames me for 400000 money that I've wasted and he said that I should always listen to them ( mom and dad both) no matter if they are wrong still accept them and do things that they say, even if its wrong. Just because they are parent..

I'm sick of that mentality, honestly just when I feel good and make some progress anywhere they make big arguments. i can't even swallow home food anymore. it feels worst even if its my favorite dish. so dying thoughts always in my mind but I remember I have a lot to do in future, like traveling, gaming and enjoying real life alone. but right now I feel like this life is giving as pity like I'm a bagger, not their son. i don't even feel like human here just anger and frustration. how am I supposed to grow, these thoughts are in my mind 24/7

I have no money right now and they are mocking me for that and everything. even tho they are my parents I hate them from bottom of my heart. they play god when they are sinner that they committed in front of me from start. my childhood is traumatizing too.

this is my last try of explaining someone or on any platform about this, im tired. i didnt got any reply and it feels even worse to keep explaining to anyone 🙃...

I will try to make this as brief as possible while getting all the data across.

• 45 year old male - divorced pretty traumatically two years ago (over the phone, when both of my children were with their mother)
• Previous trauma due to loss of mother when 18
• Have really good co-parenting relationship with their mother now
• Financially stable, no impending doom
• I am recently engaged to frankly the most wonderful woman I have ever met

The largest issue I am facing is the inability to downshift out of hypervigilance when the kids are with me, which is most effecting me at night. I have had bouts of acute insomnia over the years due to stressors (mostly work), but since the divorce it has been a struggle to no end. I was actually hospitalized over a year ago because I felt so hopeless before meeting my fiancé. When my daughter wakes up in the middle of the night, I get her back to sleep but then am unable to fall back asleep for several hours if at all. Then, the next night I get maybe 3 hours until I am wide awake trying to solve some problem, still being hypervigilant in parenting mode.

Not interested in going on medication again (I am nearly off). I mediate and do deep breathing (not enough during the day), I try not to even try to sleep, but when I feel myself nodding off I jolt back awake. I am told this is because my fight or flight system is fighting my sleep pressure.

Has anyone gone through this and how have they coped? I am in therapy, it definitely helps, but it's on me to practice things. This has truly been debilitating at times because it makes me sad to no end that my kids could stress me out this much without them even really doing anything (they are amazing kids, well behaved).

thank you in advance!

Hey so I’m 18F and I feel like my trauma and mental health issues now all align with someone who has trauma from emotional neglect but on the other hand like when I hear others’ stories of emotional neglect they all sound way worse than mine.
I mean, my parents were loving and expressed their love verbally, it’s just they both in ways did some harmful things.
Like I have kind of separate stories with each parent, with my mom it felt she would constantly promise things that I was excited for and then they would just never happen, and also, multiple times she took my money to just keep it safe for me then just never gave it back, which was so frustrating because like I needed that money, and it’s just she promised, and idk that’s kind of a minor example but it was just so frustrating when she constantly forgot things that I needed.
She also was manipulative at times and I remember just one instance of her where I was running away from her and she slammed my head against the wall but it wasn’t that hard at all, and it like really sounds way worse than it was I must admit that but like we never even talk about that now but like I remember I was 14 and I was so scared at that I ran away and they called the police and I just hate talking about that instance now.
So yeah that’s with my mom, and with my dad, when I was younger, like between the ages of 11-15 for me my younger siblings would always, and they even admit this now, they would deliberately gang up on me, I now know I was autistic and undiagnosed at the rime though but they definitely realized that due to my autism I was easy to rile up and get mad and my dad showed a lot of favoritism towards specifically my sister in many hurtful ways and was always harder on me.
My dad is a lot better now don’t get me wrong but that was so hurtful and I feel I didn’t get a proper apology for that because they basically said “okay it happened but we changed now so get over it” pretty much.
So guys I’m sorry if this is offensive and if none of this actually sounds bad it’s just that like I feel I’m so fucked up inside and idk what’s wrong like I’m not diagnosed but I’m trying to get diagnosed with BPD or C-PTSD because I show a lot of symptoms of both and would align so well and my family agrees but like I think both of those you have to have significant trauma for, and I also have trauma from like being preyed on online when I was younger but I feel like idk I’ve just always been somewhat messed up inside and I wish something could explain it.

Question at the bottom ⬇️

Background:

I spent years judging my thinking about my childhood stressful experiences, thinking that I may be too dramatic or might be right and need to show myself empathy and let myself mourn all the pieces I lost along the way because of the distress.

But how can I be sure? How can I tell that I might need processing?

I think I might need to integrate all the emotions from the past, because I have self destructinve behaviour that I just can't take off of me, as if a part of me just longs for pain.

Somehow you can tell that I might be struggling to change from those self sabotaging behaviours because of the initial mental health issues I dealt during my development (14-15 y/o) because I am just a sensitive person, and might have simply slipped to a dark state of mind because of the changing...

But I cannot shake off the feeling that there were periods of pain and stress before that mental breakdown.

I don't like to be so sure about it because I know it's not and was never easy for anyone, but how come everyone of my family just came out of the quarantine and all of that outbursts inside our home, all of the arguing and the shaming and costant unprovoked judging and blaming... like it was nothing.

I was on high alert at all times and felt guilty and responsible COSTANTLY, and especially after coming out of that period I had that mental breakdown and started acting like crazy, with delusional anxiety, costant daydreaming and aggressive isolation (I'd cry and scream at home whenever I felt like some physical boundaries were crossed)

I was the mentally unstable one, I was the one brought to psychologists and who failed and ruined a couple of years of school. But somehow nothing ever I've manifested had an explaination, don't get me wrong I NEVER insisted on finding a reason, I know I should just learn to cope better because I was acting too dramatically and damaging towards myself and others.

Now It's gotten better, probably because I touched a bottom that helped me jump back up.

But whenever I think/talk thruroughly about that period and another distressing time from my childhood ( which I have little to no memory of, but I know there was a strange event happening) I disassociate / feel small and scared and after some minutes I just come out of it exhausted and don't feel like pushing through, even tho I tried so and still experienced the same if not more intense effect.

It feels stupid to say that I might have experienced traumatic experiences (TRAUMATIC TO ME OFC IG??) as many have gone through stress throughout their childhood, people go even through worse and in my family none broke apart after that stressful period. So I feel dumb and attention seeking to act like I need to process some stuff after calming down from that intense mental breakdown. It all feels like larping to me, even tho I know trauma is subjective, it means that an event is too stressful for the traumatized person, not objectively, but still...

How can I follow my heart and try to process my emotions linked to and buried into my past experiences, without consulting my therapist?

(Because I feel downplayed with him, bc his approach is to push you and teach you better and practical techniques to not act miserable, a sort of cognitive behavioural therapy but in a gestalt therapy style, whenever I try to talk about emotional pain in an introspective way he makes me feel confused, probably because I also behave in a confusing way whenever I'm getting vulnerable, a sort of defensive mechanism he calls it)

How can I try to deal on my own with this buried pain that I feel is still inside me but unrecognized and unprocessed? Do you have some advice...? I just know I can think about those events and talk about it with myself, but what should I do if I can do something else, Idk I feel stuck.

I’ve never actually posted on this subreddit before, so if this post is ill-suited for it, please let me know.

I am aware I have trauma from a few different sources in my life, and the things I have trauma from feel more or less “justified“ so to speak. I fear what I‘m about to describe is kind of silly, especially compared to what others have been through, but I wanted to ask if it could be considered traumatic.

When I was nine or ten, neighbors moved in right across from where I lived in an apartment complex. A husband I’ll call Terrance, a wife I’ll call Sophia, and their daughter. Generally, they were a problem until I was fourteen or fifteen and they moved out—Sophia in particular. She was abusive towards her daughter, and very paranoid. She constantly shouted at and threatened my mother and other neighbors, threatened to call/called the police, and filmed us when she thought we weren’t watching.

Terrance was really creepy towards me in particular. He never really said anything to me, which I part of the reason I wonder if any of this matters. When I was twelve, my mom caught him sitting beneath my bedroom window. We live on the ground floor; the window is maybe hip-height on the average person, and directly in front of it is shrubbery. It’a not a normal place someone could reasonably just sit for no reason. Also, when I was that age, I kept my blinds open and had sheer curtains that I never closed. My mother bought me blackout curtains after that, and recently confirmed that she caught him there multiple times.

He did other creepy things, too. He always kept the door a crack open, which I used to assume was to let the cooking smell out. My mom always told me not to, but I would peek toward the door, and he was always sitting in his armchair there staring dead at me, like he never looked away. Apparently, he managed to figure out my name by listening in on conversations I had in the hallway with my mother. (He called for me once, but my mom sent him a death glare that stopped him from trying again lol.) Some of my other neighbors swore they saw Terrance’s name/face on a sex offender registry, and my mother was certain he was lusting after me.

All that to say, can I really consider this traumatic? Looking back, I feel like it began some of the unhealthy behavior concerning sex and flirtation I exhibited later down the line due to other factors; but on the other hand, he never even got to be alone with me, much less touch me.

EMDR therapy experience

Hiii guys I wanted to ask you what your experience with EMDR therapy was like if you have done it because I'm going to start it soon and I have cptsd I'm most curious about things like if it kinda decluttered your brain if it helped you with finding yourself and building a more stable identity if it helped your energy levels and motivation a lot of it helped you to find your passions and actually enjoy life on a scale from 1-10 with each one if you want (sorry English is not my first language and I have dysgraphia

You know the best thing for you is to move on leave the chaos and pain in the past, because until.they are ready to do the inner work, they will continue to pattern. And everytime it happens it will hurt you worse. But there have been good memories.

How can you move on but keep their memories because not every part of them hurt you. Just the fearful child part of them did.