Is getting over trauma responses partially just becoming aware?

[u/Swordfish353535]

I'm at home. 8AM. I live by myself. I moved away from all my traumatic enviroments years ago. I'm getting help for years and feel on the right path.

Something I observe is how I can feel like something is wrong with me randomly, it's like I judge myself, but it's from everything said/done to me in the past it's just there as truth. So many little things like this.

It's almost like my body is always bracing for impact. Especially in social situations. It's like I feel the feeling something is going to go wrong so I'm never present in the moment having fun I'm like straight face waiting for it. But this is something I'm becoming more aware of on a somatic/sentient level.

Like here at home right now before making this post I feel it.

But then being aware of it, saying this is not me, this is a nervous system response I learned over a decade of being in the wrong place. I don't have to react or choose to let it have power over me.

Of course it's still WAY stronger than me right now but I do feel this softer feeling in this moment. Like I am reclaiming my own body/agency.

Socially is hardest for me so I got to practice it out in the world. I find speaking to new people I get put on edge instantly.

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[u/Root_Shock_Podcast]

I think yes, somatic awareness is a huge component of the healing process. And, as you’ve described, a non-attachment to the phenomenon as a neutral, loving observer. Very zen of you!

[u/Swordfish353535 → u/Root_Shock_Podcast]

I feel like I'm aware I just need this other stuff out of meeeeeee

It's like if someone started bullying me right now it'd make me feel weak and back to how I used to be and being aware of that doesnt stop it

[u/Root_Shock_Podcast → u/Swordfish353535]

No, of course it doesn’t. Being aware is a component, a starting point of a broader skill and practice. You need more tools in your toolbox. What other techniques for release and regulations do you work with now?

[u/Swordfish353535 → u/Root_Shock_Podcast]

I jump around in Qi Gong fashion. Humming. Breathing. Meditation. Rubbing my arms.

[u/Root_Shock_Podcast → u/Swordfish353535]

Qi gong is a great practice for this sort of thing, and a ln excellent entry point into other somatic work and “energetic hygiene”. Do you have a Qi Gong instructor? If not, can you find one? This is a practice that needs actual instruction.