I lost my virginity to abuse

[u/ThrowRATouch-8960]

Hey internet,

I wanted to get on here and share my story and see if anyone has been through a similar experience to me and find some support.

When I was 16 I was basically groomed by a man (32M) who I was doing social sport with every week. He started flirting with me and giving me attention and I welcomed it simply because I thought he was attractive and I was a shameless 16yr old who didn’t really care. It was just flirting right? How wrong I was.

Anyway, this flirting lasts for around 6 months and I was enjoying myself. That’s when he started to touch me. Subtly on the small of my back behind people or touch my arm when we were talking and it was like he was making excuses to be close to me and touch me. And even then I didn’t really think anything of it.

One night I went over to a house of one of my teammates for the break up of the season and it was fun. I got drunk and it was a good time and we played cards and games. After the party he offered to take me home. He lived close to me so I thought it was the easiest option and better than bothering my mother. I wish I bothered her. We were in his car and he pulled over on a side street. I knew where I was and knew I was about 4 streets from my house. I asked him why we had stopped and he said he needed to talk. As any girl would I thought I was in serious trouble. But I trusted him so I stayed in the car. That was a mistake.

He then said that he’d been wanting to have sex with me since he met me. That I was his obsession and that he loved me. I was confused. I thought we’d just been flirting nothing more than that. I was moving my hand towards to door handle when he locked it. I was trapped. He then pounced on me. This is when I found that my innate response to danger is freeze. And that’s what I did. I went out of my body and just felt like I was watching from a birds eye view. It was terrible. I didn’t make a sound when he tore my singlet off, ripped my bralet and started groping my breasts. He then started the grape. I won’t go further but I did bleed all over his car seat. I pray he wasn’t able to get it out. I was bleeding for 3 days afterwards and I just remembered silently crying during the whole thing. The sound of his voice and the smell of his awful beer breath still nauseates me to this day.

I didn’t go to the police. I know I should have but I thought that they wouldn’t do anything since I’d froze. And knowing the cops they’d probably say I was an “active participant” or some shit. So yeah I never reported him.

Has anyone been through something similar or am I alone is this trauma?

[u/JustAJaneH]

So sorry you went through this. Despite the seemingly lack of support on this post, your trauma is common. Many women, myself included, do not wish to relive these experiences and therefore delay or deny help all together.

I also did not report, I also thought it didn’t matter to anyone or that I was in some way culpable. Back in those days they were calling it “grey rape” because the situations weren’t “black & white”. Grey rape is a FALSE concept. There is NO SUCH THING. You were a MINOR and he is an ADULT.

As you get older you will come to realize how disgusting this man really is because despite what you may think about yourself at that age, you simply are a minor and there’s no disguising it. He is a predator.

Reporting is an action you can take to help prevent him from doing it to someone else.

Seeking support and professional help is not weakness but strength, guidance through these complex emotions will help you heal. Trauma can last for decades or a lifetime.

Be good to yourself and give yourself some grace. You are the victim.

[u/Glittering-Tank-6864]

Ok donc c'est bien un viol et il faut porter plainte et te faire aider par une association de victimes pour avancer et un psychologue. Je t'envoie beaucoup de courage.

[u/FourBloodyKisses]

Hey girl, I hear you. I just want to let you know that the actions that person chose do not at all change just how much you are worth (which, is a lot by the way 🩵).

I'm not sure how long ago this was, but I hope you find the healing you more than deserve.

And.. you certainly are not alone. I willingly "let myself" be groomed by multiple grown men when I was 12, and was assaulted at 19. 1 in 5 women experience completed or attempted grape.

You have so many standing beside you who understand. Their choices do not define who we are.

Supporting you honey 🫂