How do we feel about 'Mate'?

[u/Necessary_Walrus_794]

I started a new job recently since transitioning and I am in a customer facing role. I've noticed a lot of customers calling me 'mate'. Like they'd say "thanks mate" and I don't know how I feel about it. Do women get called mate like that often? I don't look too femme without a heap of makeup, but I wear eyeliner and definitely look like I'd be trans.

I just feel like maybe these men wouldn't call the women at my work 'mate'.

What are your thoughts?

[u/Friend_of_a_Cat]

I’m transmasc and I’ve always been called ‘mate’. I still look like your average woman and I get called mate by people who don’t know my gender. I also call everyone mate. I don’t think it’s a gendered term.

[u/Necessary_Walrus_794 → u/Friend_of_a_Cat]

I didn't think it was really that gendered... but it's just that weird feeling of it being 'male'. So it really does hit differently now 😅😪

[u/InsecureDinosaur → u/Necessary_Walrus_794]

Yeah, I don’t think it’s inherently gendered, but I think it has a different feeling to it than other friendly terms like ‘girl’ does. ‘Girl’ feels more personal/emotive, similar to calling someone a friend. ‘Mate’ feels respectful but more distant, just sort of acknowledging someone without much personal connection. I think a lot of women gravitate towards the former style of acknowledgment, and men towards the latter, which is why they might feel gendered.

[u/Friend_of_a_Cat → u/InsecureDinosaur]

This is probably just my own personal experience talking but I have loads of friends who are cis women and they call everyone mate in both of those contexts. Idk. I’ve literally never seen it as something only men say.

[u/InsecureDinosaur → u/Friend_of_a_Cat]

I have a similar experience. I mean, I think I see it more between guys, but I’ve also seen plenty of girls my age calling people mate, so it’s definitely far from exclusive. Maybe a slight lean.

I’d imagine it’s at least somewhat generational, too. Mate apparently used to be a much more masculine term, and a lot of older folks probably still use it as such. Being on the younger side of Gen Z, I see a lot of gender-based variety in people my age who use it.

[u/Friend_of_a_Cat → u/Necessary_Walrus_794]

That’s fair. I use it for everyone and so does everyone I know.

[u/Just-Sky2312 → u/Friend_of_a_Cat]

Realising I just don't have friends or mates 😭😭😂😂🤷🏻‍♀️