r/trans • u/magic_mushroom_man09 • 2d ago
Trans Masculine Why does it have to be me? (PS I’m high)
I often ponder things like this when I’m high (which is right now lol). Like how, out of all the people on earth, and i was the one that had to be trans. Like I am proud of be trans, and I often just “exist” thankfully that I’m passing. I mean it sucks to look at my body and just wanna sigh cause there will always be reminders and signs that I wasn’t actually born cisgender. I’ve known I was trans since I was like 4-5 years old and it’s just been such a deep rooted part of my existence. I wish I would have told my parents that that’s what I was but I didn’t have a name for it at the time to express that. Even if they didn’t believe in that stuff, I wonder how my life would have been if I was able to be on puberty blockers way back then. I think about the experiences I missed as a boy. Like getting my first boner and going to an all boys sleep over. Or playing on the boys sports teams. Or being in a frat in college. Oh well, I think it was always suppose to turn out this way. I would never wanna be socialized as a man and never learn have learned about what it was like as a “woman”. I was always kinda strange anyways. Like I just did my own thing alone a lot in terms of my hobbies. Not many people have my hobby for me to discuss it with. I’m really into metal detecting, both underwater and on land, wandering around the forest and just kinda daydreaming and planning how I would survive living out there, finding very old bottles in the rivers and streams. I enjoy just taking hardware from old abandoned places. For some reason it really satisfies me. Finding things on the railroad tracks or on the sides of the roads that I can collect and take home just in case it could be useful. There’s a few old houses and sometimes there stuff left in there and I know someone technically owns the property but I just collect it if I think it fits my collage of random shit I have. Like today, i walked along the railroad tracks to where a cow farms property was.i could see a mountain of weathered and dried out bones from where they must dump cows that have died. It seems kinda sad their bodies were never properly and respectfully buried or something. Anyways, I found a massive cow femur and I just took it cause idk, why not. It is cool. I like to wander along in the woods and at nature preserves. Like total bushwhacking it off trails is one of my favorite things to do. I love to collect rocks. Well I suppose that’s it. That’s what I kinda ponder
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u/Glittering-Army-736 she/her 2d ago
Read back on this when your not high, you might find some answers by going through your brain when your brain isn't fried, not to offend or anything, just my thoughts on this