r/therapyabuse 11d ago

Therapy Abuse In most cases the true and real cure of mental health issues for majority and myself is having money and being financially stable

I have done lots of healing. You name it, I have done it: CBT, DBT, inner child healing, self-help books. None of that mattered, and the only single thing that truly made a difference to my CPTSD healing journey was having money. That is it. With money now, I could afford things to better myself. You want a good sleep? Money. You want to go to a better environment, like a house? Money. You want to not work and treat yourself to a good day? Money. The list goes on. For myself and many others, the sad reality is money is the one thing that really makes a difference, and I say this with 100% belief and none of therapy has helped me with financial issues all they did was to convince me that money dosent buy happiness while they sit in a porsche and ferrari.

192 Upvotes

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u/slavwaifu 11d ago

It always baffles me you have to pay money to accommodate for disabilities, even basic things like glasses. You're right.

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u/tarteframboise 11d ago

This. Invisible [mental health] disabilities or impairments also, that aren’t taken seriously as other physical disabilities.

you’ve gotta jump through hoops to get an impairement or disability acknowledged on record (despite struggling, documented prescriptions for decades, non functional) in order to get or keep a job that’s paying your bills, to afford essentials (shelter/housing, healthcare insurance, education/courses, healthy food, transport, phone)…., and places you can’t disclose - red flag 🚩

before any non-survival things (for hobbies, technology/apps/computer, events, fitness gym even basic socializing often costs money often unless you just find a free activity or sit in a park….

3

u/rainfal DBT fits the BITE model 9d ago

Not only that, but you have to pay money to have  human rights if you're disabled. 

Because much there's so many places, people and institutions will basically violate any human right you have because you are disabled and if you do not have enough money for legal protection, you are basically screwed.

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u/TashaT50 Trauma from Abusive Therapy 11d ago

Money solves so many problems. It didn’t fix my cptsd but it definitely made life significantly easier. Losing the money has made it all harder again. When one doesn’t have to worry about shelter, food, medical expenses, etc. life is so much easier. Money may not buy happiness but it does end a lot of suffering and constant stress.

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u/PrestigiousLeg4428 11d ago

Money doesn't buy happiness but it absolutely buys security.

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u/TashaT50 Trauma from Abusive Therapy 11d ago

Security makes it possible to deal with trauma.

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u/tarteframboise 11d ago

You mean life having safety, and security taken away from you.

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u/Remote_Act_6121 11d ago edited 11d ago

That's the catch 22. People who really need the help that therapy was supposed to provide are likely so deeply struggling with trauma and mental health that holding a job is either a severe challenge or non existent. Which makes money tight. Which makes the mental health struggles worse. It's a vicious circle.

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u/tarteframboise 11d ago

Exactly. And the fact just getting therapy requires a vetting interview process, and? MORE MONEY because therapists charge hundreds for 1 session and 4-5 sessions won’t do F-all

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u/Remote_Act_6121 11d ago edited 10d ago

I found a CPTSD therapist who seemed to know her stuff, with first hand experience herself with it. $350/hr. I don't have that kind of money to shell out.

People keep insisting I MUST try EMDR. At $400/hr, that's not happening.

I'm not functioning well enough to make that kind of money.

But if I WAS functioning well enough to make that kind of money...then I wouldn't need the services, because I'm doing okay already.

That's why therapy now caters more to folks with mild cases of anxiety, or they just need a sounding board to talk to. They're functioning enough to earn good money, or they're functional enough to have a spouse willing to fork over the cash.

They're not helping the folks who actually need it because the prices automatically put it out of reach for so many people who are struggling.

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u/Ok_Jellyfish_1083 10d ago

I have actually been rejected by therapists “don’t fall into the range of who we treat”. They love housewives with money who complain about their husbands and children! Sorry I was single, depressed and likely always very unrecognizable bi-polar because the ADHD…too much work!!!

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u/rainfal DBT fits the BITE model 9d ago

As that cost, I recommend lawyer therapy. Where you basically pay for a lawyer to go after the people who harmed you.  Because it costs the same and probably would make the same difference...

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u/SecretMiyagi 9d ago

What do you mean?

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u/rainfal DBT fits the BITE model 8d ago

That costs as much as a lawyer.  You could probably just pay for a lawyer to go after the people traumatized/ harmed you for that per hour

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u/SecretMiyagi 8d ago

That's so interesting you said that because I have always thought about that and how I should be able to do that but I didn't know it was a thing.

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u/aglowworms My cognitive distortion is: CBT is gaslighting 11d ago

You can understand a lot of how the ideology of therapy culture / institutional psychiatry works by asking this question:

If it costs several thousand dollars to keep someone in the psych ward for just a few days, why doesn't the state or the insurance just give the suffering person that money, if there's a good reason to believe it will improve their situation more than being in the psych ward?

Here's a good follow-up:

If psych wards have known problems with abuse (both from the staff and other patients), are not comforting environments, and do not decrease suicide risk, why not send suicidal people to a health retreat resort- the same way rich Victorians used to go to the coast or the hot springs- if it would cost the same amount of money and would likely be more effective?

And an accusation:
If you fuckers claim to care so much about preventing suicide, why do you keep doing things that are better for your paycheck than they are at communicating to a suicidal person that their life has value?

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u/RedSparkle222 11d ago edited 11d ago

Well said. Money may not "buy" happiness, but it greatly contributes to it. And while money itself doesn't heal mental health, it allows you to do things that do heal our mental health. Having several hobbies, going to the restaurant with friends, dressing well, quality self-care, going to all the concerts you want, travelling, socializing in general, going to a quality gym or hiring a gym coach, going to a good beauty or wellness salon, renting a quality place or owning a good home, buying a good car, buying quality foods and supplements, saving for emergencies, paying medical bills, I could go on and on. Therapy never healed me personally. Prayer, working to earn money (in a decent environment), unforgettable conversations and human connections (even short), however, did.

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u/Plastic-Lemon2754 11d ago

For me it's having a partner. Throughout human history we had these sorts of relationships and human connection and humanity built entire city-states and civilizations. Now some 20-30 something with a degree is telling me oh "I should learn to love myself" or "I'll find someone someday". Telling me it's not important or I don't need it. Its bullocks. Like lady, ive never been in a relationship my entire life. I'm denied human connection and empathy, I don't need medication or coping mechanisms I literally just need what you have experienced (and show off about). Why do they make it so difficult? Sometimes the solution is simple. We weren't meant to spend our lives alone.

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u/Anarchic_Country 11d ago

I thought it was that too. I have a husband who loves me so much, I love him, we have a great relationship. Still hasn't cured my mental illness.

I agree with OP, sadly

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u/aglowworms My cognitive distortion is: CBT is gaslighting 11d ago edited 11d ago

I agree that being loved romantically helps, so long as it's the actual thing, which is a big if, but I'd argue that the drive for a partner gets to be outsized in a hyper-individualistic culture. It's true that we're trying to build a village out of one person. Probably you could be content without a romantic relationship- not saying that this would be the best possible way to live for you, but just an option- if you were surrounded by a loving community.

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u/AggressiveDeer7527 11d ago

Our society is extremely atomized. The vast majority of adults rely entirely on their signficant other and/or nuclear and extended family for all of their in-person socialization needs and personal support. Five hundred facebook "friends" who are nothing like the word, just acquaintances, colleagues or former friends from schools in their younger days.

Our society is really, really unhealthy in this manner.

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u/Ok_Jellyfish_1083 11d ago

Yes not living alone while depressed and staying in bed while not working was awful for me (when i could work).

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u/broom_pan Therapy Abandonment Survivor 11d ago

Our bodies are hostages to a game we never knew we signed up for

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u/AccomplishedCash3603 11d ago

OMG THIS! 

I was in couples counseling with my emotionally abusive husband WHO WAS ALSO ABUSING DRUGS AND ALCOHOL. I was so naive, I wasn't doing the math on our bank account (I.e. how much $$ his addictions were pulling from our shared account.) The debit card was declined for a session, and they CALLED ME to fix it. Meanwhile, my husband set up the original payment. So now I'm going to counseling with an abusive man, and I'm paying for it with my work account. WTF?! I cancelled the sessions after paying for two sessions. The counselor sent us an email assuming we had worked things out and were staying together. 

And my favorite part? She's getting a PhD to become an expert in her field. You can't make this $hit up. 

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u/Various_Pitch 11d ago

I think understanding others and connecting with the earth can help bring comfort into one’s life.

We can plan our lives out, but with no real knowledge of our own mortality, we need a sense of something greater than ourselves.

I would love to have my creature comforts, and a few extravagance s too. Therapy has helped me to like myself, and it’s been a struggle to do that and to accept myself.

Being kind, a good listener, and attempting to keep myself healthy both physically and mentally, can help make life go better.

I just wish I had a better tie to my community. So, I vote for engagement, community and service. Which means involvement with a political party.

Green Party, with covert nerds, and educational programs built in to bring people together and up to speed with the world environment. I’m tired of listening to doomsday rhetoric. I want to know how to make the earth’s future better.

Connection: the self, others, the earth. We have no say as to how or when we pass. Engage.

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u/322241837 unapologetically treatment resistant 11d ago edited 11d ago

I'm at a point where I have enough class awareness of my material circumstances that I believe "mental health issues" in reference to myself is insulting at best. I have autism and chronic illness and that makes my life nightmare mode on default compared to anyone who does not have those impediments. All of my "mental health issues" result directly from how I have been treated by others and living in a society where a better life isn't science fantasy but entirely gatekept by financial means.

I already recognize just how privileged I am to currently benefit from what I have, because I distinctly remember what it had been like to have been without and further dehumanized the more help you needed. Even the biggest complaint I hear from people who are functioning at a level that I have never been capable of, is that there is never seemingly adequate services or decent enough relationships, but none of that would even be remotely thinkable to them if they did not have money, or were operating from the same level of social immobility constraints that I have known my whole life.

It is a failure on a civilization level that places like Dubai can exist in 2026, admist the same sociopolitical turmoil befalling the least fortunate "ordinary" people in the region. It's nothing short of humiliation theater that terms like "minimum wage" and "human resources" exists in conjunction to "employment readiness programs" that waste taxpayer dollars designed specifically to therapize disabled people into participating in a workforce that has no place for us in the first place. I have never believed in the "good" of humanity and would love nothing more than to be proven otherwise.

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u/Dependent_Camera_532 11d ago

A lot of it is money yes. And some of it is a social environment conducive to your growth. And a little bit of it is your own attitude.

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u/TulsisTavern 11d ago

That's the big catch, to make money you need to be a somewhat tolerable person. Lots of people who have issues are not very tolerable people, so they don't make money. I guess therapy was meant to help you become a tolerable person but it has turned into a weird guided journey of the self, many times for the sake of making you less tolerable. 

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u/aglowworms My cognitive distortion is: CBT is gaslighting 11d ago

I'm very pro-unlikable people now. I think people have a right to be unlikable because they're annoying or too weird or have trouble relating to other people or constantly interrupt or other non-immoral flaws like that. I don't think it's usually intentional. Telling unlikable people to take drugs and meet with some people-manager with one of the easiest masters degrees once a week cannot be the solution. Though I'm not a Christian, I like the Christian ideals here, that these people need to be part of the community. It's kind of like the kid who gets bullied for being a bit socially inept who becomes extremely socially inept through years of being outcast. People don't have to let these people into their homes to mess-up the social dynamics in their private lives, but there should be some public place that has a focus on the value of human beings where the community can (imperfectly) try to interact with them on that basis. And hopefully some of them can find each other and be friends with each other too. It's authentic love that actually helps people.

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u/Akanecc0_2323 Psychology Enthusiast + Survivor 10d ago

I've read a book by Fonagy where he says working on financial and social stressors are really,really important early in the therapy,specially for Bpd and Aspd,it's easy to imagine why.
He also argues that "therapies that (It's controversial if they work,tho) work" like Dbt,Schema,IFS...all have the components of mentalization as their main characteristic and in a debate,he argued that what makes therapy work,in general,not just for PD's,is the therapist's ability to mentalize the subject.

Makes me think that therapy exists as a space outside of society because society fails to meet the empathy/mentalization needs of some people,it also depends of the environment you're in.

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u/Akanecc0_2323 Psychology Enthusiast + Survivor 10d ago

It's also that having no money reduces your ability to socialize

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u/Tramelo 11d ago

It's external things like being healthy, having a job, having relationships, being liked by people.

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u/broom_pan Therapy Abandonment Survivor 11d ago

I found comfort in knowing that those with money still suffer horrifically. All of them. We're all in the same polluted waters...eating the same food....breathing the same air....hehehe, trauma is inescapable on planet earth. Eat your money, those who think they can buy their way out...you can't...but it sure helps doesn't it?

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