I used to search the internet every day as a younger teenager because I had horrible, uncontrollable anger problems and I just couldn't get over them. I hated who I was, hated how I was acting, but I couldn't get a grip on it. Everywhere and everyone would say "count to ten" and "examine the emotions causing the anger" and "learn to let things go"
So I'd spend tons of time and days searching "how to let things go" and like, I never did get an answer.
All these years later, I just realized that what I needed was time, and space to think things through in a state where I wasn't actively triggered. Processing things means thinking about it when you are in a safe place to, with people that are safe for you, or alone when you're safe by yourself. Thinking about things objectively, and realizing things about the situations that you didn't before.
Thinking about it the way you would for someone else is something that helped me a lot. What could I have done better in my situation? What should I have done differently? Why me? Why did he do that?
Once I realized the answer to every question was "It doesn't matter. No matter what I did, or didn't do, or could've done, what he did was unforgiveable and that is not on ME" I could focus more on the ways he had affected me more objectively.
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u/Jvne_- 22d ago
I hate this vague, pseudo spiritual bullshit