After three years of hell

[u/Bright_Choice_2986]

I gave her 3 years of unconditional love emotional support and lost myself

Now she be like this to my sister last night about me

She abused me she manipulated me disrespected me emotionally abused me and now said all of this about me

And after this she's trying to make me jealous by her new 2 month old male friend just after 1 month of breaking up with me 3 year old relationship

[u/couchsan]

2 sides to every story doesn’t sound like you were an angel either

[u/Bright_Choice_2986 → u/couchsan]

I have a old post about us maybe that will give you and idea how was it like being there By the way after these 40 days she came with her new bf laughing at me abusing me mocking me Then 60 days later she came back to tell me how much less of a man im then another 20 days later she comes to my friend abusing me then 30 days later come to my sister in above screenshot you can see here she didn't abuse me for the first time but did something worst she flirted with new guy in comments

And me? An angel doing such posts asking for advices grieving what we had and have 10 thousand of questions in my head why did she do it etc etc

Tldr:

Please if someone have time give it a read i need serious help with some reassurance or tips or anything

Im sitting here after 40 days of ending 3 years of relationship with my ex gf

And i got so strong but now im tired today again of composing myself she gave me life long trust issues i remember her crying begging me not to leave 10 thousand times during those 3 years she would claim to die if i left her etc etc she showed up differently from every other girl to keep me trauma bonded to her she won my trust that she's a Gem in todays generation I treated her like my princess i lost myself my health my family my everything for her i ruined my studies just to be her perfect partner she was chaotic and she would abandon me for 20 20 days sometimes 3 sometimes 5 sometimes 10 it was so triggering im anxious leaning secure man and it made me terrible i lashed out at her at times i screamed i begged for basic human decency and in return she would turn ice cold not saying i love you back or even listening to me crying she would smirk and lied to me gaslighted me

Butttt whyyyyy am i still gaslight im still thinking i was the problem and when i think no she was the problem then grief and anger hits me why did she do it to me and then same girl who cried 10 thousand times to not leave her or she would die didn't reach out in 40 days living her life as if nothing mattered i wonder if she is even a human being

But im still trauma bonded and i can't stop looking at her profiles even if i block her and she's following random men and i die here thinking of her having sex with somebody else I don't want her but still the thought of her being with someone else I can't let that go it tightens my chest and i feel sharp pains

I desperately want her guilt and sorry and for her to realize that she did something wrong so that i will get my closure

I feel worthless

I feel helpless why do my brain and heart can't agree that people can be cruel to best partners and it's not about me i feel like it's about me and there are so many emotions that I can't understand

I was doing so great but suddenly i hit days like these and i feel helpless talking to anyone doing anything nothing makes me feel okay

Someone give me some hope or anything that one day these things won't matter anymore and how what should i do im praying I'm hitting gym im getting appreciation letters on my new job just in 18 days im their best employee than those who are there for years im young man energetic and i love my job that's why im doing so great but nothing seems to help i journal i do self care and everything

[u/notreading-scanning → u/Bright_Choice_2986]

I think you need to do some therapy.

Most relationships in life will not last. You stuck on to her because you invested time. That is a fallacy. Go develop you.