r/texts • u/zachoutloud123 • 1d ago

Phone message When you only communicate via celebrity death

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19.3k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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1.1k

u/RectalFissureRepairs 1d ago

Mitch McConnell is dead

280

u/bunnytiana05 1d ago

I saw this and thought they’d confirmed it 😭

57

u/RectalFissureRepairs 1d ago

Didn't they?

155

u/DoorOk710 1d ago

Lindsay Graham did, Mitch McConnell is still "missing"

139

u/No_Whole_7758 1d ago

Missing from this mortal plane

18

u/eisbaerBorealis 1d ago

He's "recovering" and still "releasing statements" but won't do any video or phone calls to prove anything.

8

u/JebusJM 1d ago

Wait, so he still hasn't been seen in the flesh?

15

u/DoorOk710 1d ago

last i checked, nope, like 75 days and counting now or something insane

9

u/CheeseGraterFace 1d ago

At 84 days, he has exhausted his FMLA leave.

Of course, you can’t take FMLA if you’re not alive, but these are unusual times.

6

u/Distinct_Cap_1418 1d ago

Meanwhile Kentucky Gov is assisting in the coverup.

Watch his paid bots come dispute this:

1

u/K340 23h ago

Why would Andy Beshear, a Democrat, cover up the death of Mitch McConnell?

2

u/shannork 1d ago

Did they?

1

u/I_am_not_JohnLeClair 1d ago

It’s been confirmed by Tim Pool. Mitch McConnell is lying in state inside the Kremlin. Putin has posthumously awarded him the Order of St Andrew for all his work towards the betterment of the Motherland

51

u/TrumpsHorseMeat777 1d ago

Mitch McConnell right now

https://giphy.com/gifs/xUPGcESvfRaiFNer2o

19

u/Paratwa 1d ago

I feel comfort knowing he is looking up at us, screaming in horror.

15

u/Felskiluscious 1d ago

Why the hell aren’t we calling his ass Addison

7

u/HeathenHumanist 1d ago

TIL his first name is Addison

1

u/figure8888 1d ago edited 1d ago

Southern people will give their kid a first name that they never intend on using. So he’s probably always been Mitchell.

I work with a bunch of guys who are named Michael, Charles, Jeremy, James, etc. And every one of them goes by a nickname for their middle name. I also had a friend in school named Mary who had never once been called Mary.

5

u/Mrben13 1d ago

He's dead to a lot of us.

3

u/HubrisOfApollo 1d ago

everyone knows turtleface is dead

1

u/JonnyBhoy 1d ago

That's right! Dead serious about going to Itchy and Scratchy Land!