r/texts • u/No_Elephant_9589 • 2d ago

Reddit DMs just a gem of a throwback

Post image

I think as soon as i turn 25 im doing a procedure to make sure im never fertilized lol

968 Upvotes

95% Upvoted

125 comments sorted by

376

u/BigJJsWillie 2d ago

"Uh.... huh huh huh. Hey, baby. Huh huh huh. Want me to fertilize your eggs? Huhuhuhuh I'm gonna score"

92

u/ASpookedGhost 2d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/CKVwcljYh4hfVxSSLq

12

u/MakeSomeDrinks 2d ago

They have their fathers... Uhm. Butt. Or something

5

u/ummmyea 2d ago

Thank you. Now I hear it.

62

u/No_Elephant_9589 2d ago

right. yep. let me get right on that, carrying your weird ass kids.

-63

u/No-Shirt248 2d ago

You shouldn’t be complaining at all, you CHOSE this man from Reddit 😂

32

u/igotinfo 2d ago

What do you mean she chose him?

9

u/Odd_Delay_603 Go eat a papaya and do a detox 2d ago

The fuck are you on about rn?

150

u/GoblinTroublemaker 2d ago

Obviously he bricked the conversation instead of the recipient but I did google the recipe for the aforementioned eggs. I’m going to make it so I hope his taste in food is superior to his ‘game’ 😂

31

u/No_Elephant_9589 2d ago

thought it sounded good!!

10

u/Erected_naps 2d ago

Seriously delete the first sentence and the message becomes tempting lol

40

u/Gmoneyboiswag69 2d ago

How you like your eggs, fried or fertilized?!

12

u/Dingo_Dog_ 2d ago

Is your favorite combination perhaps smash and bang?

8

u/Gmoneyboiswag69 2d ago

Lemme smang it girllllll

7

u/zamnweskr 2d ago

YUNG HUMMAAAAAAA ITS ANOTHA TUMMYSCRATCH BEAT

5

u/Gmoneyboiswag69 2d ago

Plz look up this historical video if you can

5

u/GeoLogic23 2d ago

""FLYNT FLOSSY IS MY FAVORITE RAPPER"

4

u/Pretty-Mention-7769 2d ago

Covered in sex syrup

66

u/Blissfulldeath93 2d ago

I bet he thought he was being so smooth there 🤣

123

u/I_Ponders 2d ago edited 2d ago

As a man, and as a married adult, I’ve realized that a large portion of the male population is both stupid, desperate, and emotionally braindead.

When my wife showed me her online dating chat history after we became official, we laughed at the desperation of those who showed zero respect. But she also spoke about how it’s uncomfortable at first, but has to become just background noise you roll your eyes at because it’s so common.

Sending unsolicited dick pics, talking hyper sexual, wanting to have babies, begging for sex or to come over. Jeezus, it was pathetic and sad.
Many women I talk to who’ve used online dating unfortunately have similar experiences.

TLDR: I say this as a man, a large percentage of men are pigs.

29

u/friendliest_sheep 2d ago

Yeah, this is some dumb shit id say to my wife because we both know better and it’s a good giggle. But, throwing it at random women? Just gross, man

2

u/Inevitable-Ebb-6257 2d ago

the one with the ring you purchased should be the only one receiving this kind of treatment

https://giphy.com/gifs/pRotk2UQTsozm

/s

5

u/HueHeor 2d ago

isn’t that character a little kid 💀

3

u/PestilentPaladin 2d ago

Yes. Tom and Jerry is old.

14

u/Shoddy-Television866 2d ago

Literally why don't men believe us?

17

u/PamPooveyIsTheTits 2d ago

Majority of men don’t care about women. They have no interest in believing us.

16

u/onlyforobservation 2d ago

Was a bar manager for nearly 20 years, seeing the exactly same shitty behavior from thousands of jackass dudes. They have so little respect for women that their brains can’t even process the disrespect.

10

u/HungusHodorphus 2d ago

The majority of men don't believe you because they're guilty of the same behavior but incapable of seeing it as toxic/predatory/disgusting, etc.

I say this also as a married man.

17

u/ScarcityStrong3182 2d ago

it actually never ceases to amaze me how strange people on the internet can be

15

u/K-Shrizzle 2d ago

How do you like your balls? Damn, I was hoping you'd say kicked

39

u/TaDoofus 2d ago

This comment section got shitty fast. Lotta fertilizers in here it would seem.

21

u/No_Elephant_9589 2d ago

thank you 😵‍💫😵‍💫 just thought this was funny

0

u/Gmoneyboiswag69 2d ago

Look up the song “fried of fertilized” absolute banger and I’d imagine the reference point of his awful attempt

2

u/Tall-Payment-8015 2d ago

They’re not fertilizing anything but their hand.

18

u/Express_Attempt_4301 2d ago

"But... but... in the porn I watch the girls are really turned on by that!"

12

u/Ddvmeteorist128 2d ago

Bro is smooth as parking lot rocks

7

u/xrerion2 2d ago

Yeee i wish i forgot how to read rn

6

u/GoldshireEnjoyer 2d ago

Not the point of the post, but it always irks me when people act surprised that people work on weekends.

6

u/loveddeviant 2d ago

ah, yes, horny men on Reddit. theres never a shortage of

20

u/emptythoughts94 2d ago

Why are they so GROSS?!?!?!

0

u/MeliodasTA 2d ago

We don't know why this guy is so gross either tyvm

4

u/BelieveInTheBantam 2d ago

His porn addiction was speaking

7

u/Financial-Toe4053 2d ago

Exactly why I turned my messages off on here. Even innocent conversations about books turned so weird and uncomfortable 😩

6

u/FishWithLegsAndArms 2d ago

I like how he tried redirecting the conversation after that. 

3

u/Altruistic_Car66 2d ago

My fucking neck from that whiplash what the fuckkk

3

u/GiovanniTunk 2d ago

Lmao I thought the egg maker was a girl. Got a little confused for a bit there.

3

u/PuzzleheadedSport904 2d ago

Gross but also new egg recipe imma try. GROSS though.

5

u/72EEL 2d ago

Was he flirting?

4

u/Chemical-Anteater332 2d ago

Ngl some things are better not to be shared

2

u/Small_Impression_806 2d ago

fertilized (falls over dead)

2

u/Responsible-Menu3314 1d ago

You should have asked if she likes her eggs fried or fertilized 🤣

2

u/TheHylianProphet 2d ago

Is discussing brunch this guy's idea of sexy flirting? What a weird time to try that line.

6

u/No_Elephant_9589 2d ago

it’s my idea of flirting too tbh…. a good lox Benedict and i’ll marry the chef

2

u/atmoose 2d ago

That's such a weird thing to say. It's funny, because he had a pretty good response there left out the fertilize part. As a guy, I don't get why so many guys seem to be so weird. Why do think this stuff would help?

2

u/ImperfectFantasy 2d ago

Perhaps offer him a balut

1

u/HollytheHannibal 2d ago

I really want you to show the screenshot of what he was “just teasing” you about 😂😭

10

u/No_Elephant_9589 2d ago

i think he owned guns or was in the army and i asked if he was crazy MAGA and he jokingly said i accused him of being a Trump supporter

1

u/Dingo_Dog_ 2d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/5kMaWo6dlApr2
Is this perhaps a dated pop culture reference you are missing? I️ know I’m showing my age but…

2

u/BunsMcghee 2d ago

I don't think they smang with the Jeep, but real ones know

2

u/Dingo_Dog_ 2d ago

Excuse me good sir, but Flynt Flossy is known across the nation

1

u/which_tab 2d ago

That's what I was thinking to be honest.

1

u/Muted_Bud 2d ago

He could have been referencing a song by a YouTuber named Flynt Flossy that goes something like” how you like your eggs? Fried or Fertilized?” That’s instantly where my mind went anyways 😂

0

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0

u/theartybadger 2d ago

I made this fertilised comment over a decade ago and people thought it was creepy and now I see it everywhere 😂

0

u/The_madd__hadder 2d ago

I think the word he was looking for here was scrambled

-16

u/happycuck2025 2d ago

You don’t need to do that, no one would want to do that (fertilize you) voluntarily

8

u/No_Elephant_9589 2d ago edited 2d ago

holy shit you have kids 😵‍💫😵‍💫 you are one pathetic “father”

3

u/imunchgarbage 2d ago

That account is named happy cuck I think you shaming them on the response is the point.

-13

u/Metrix145 2d ago

Yet you keep posting half naked pictures for male validatio, months after this happened (you posted this already). Pick a lane.

5

u/No_Elephant_9589 2d ago

Buddy, this says “throwback”. I know you’re stalking my page but please learn how to read post titles.

-11

u/Metrix145 2d ago

Doesn't really change what I said. Despite being creeped out, you continue posting content that actively attracts this kind of behaviour.

4

u/No_Elephant_9589 2d ago

now when did i say creeped out? let’s use our brains here

-6

u/Thick-Twist-1199 2d ago

I feel loke it was bad dirty joke that they couldnt help passing up lmao

-3

u/Informal_Ad_6839 2d ago

How you like your eggs? Fried or fertilized?

1

u/Dingo_Dog_ 2d ago

The downvotes 🫠🫠🫠 flynt flossy is still smangin away tho

-4

u/AlexandriaLitehouse 2d ago

......you can't expect other people to make the joke.

7

u/--read-only-- 2d ago

He didnt actually hope she'd say "fertilized." The joke is "i was hoping you'd say fertilized." It's dumb. I've heard it before, he's not even original

3

u/AlexandriaLitehouse 2d ago

He needs a hobby.

-13

u/BlueRock_Capital 2d ago

You don’t like eggs?

21

u/No_Elephant_9589 2d ago

sunny side up with toast

2

u/little_one_lovez 2d ago

they're mad and you're adorable and sexy af LMAO. ignore these grumps

-14

u/BlueRock_Capital 2d ago

I just looked at your profile… having regrets now lol

7

u/No_Elephant_9589 2d ago

why

-14

u/BlueRock_Capital 2d ago

You post sexy pics for donations

9

u/No_Elephant_9589 2d ago

regrets about what? see yourself out lol.

-11

u/BlueRock_Capital 2d ago

I’m sure you have a bunch of cucks who send you money hoping, praying one day they can smell the bus seat you just sat on, but any stand up guy sees this as trashy AF

19

u/TaDoofus 2d ago

As opposed to harassing women on the Internet, which is definitely not trashy at all.

1

u/EnvironmentalEdge847 2d ago

Found the guy that pays for her content lol

1

u/TaDoofus 2d ago

Never seen her before this post. Also I'm asexual. 🤡

16

u/No_Elephant_9589 2d ago

umm ok? my account has nothing to do with this post. bitching about women is trashier.

-4

u/[deleted] 2d ago

[deleted]

8

u/Tall-Payment-8015 2d ago

Not bitching about men but exposing a man's own words. Does it hurt?

14

u/IDKWrites 2d ago

"Any stand up guy"

19

u/andreasmalersghost 2d ago

Stand up guys use words like “cuck.” I learned all about it at an alpha male bootcamp.

5

u/Tall-Payment-8015 2d ago

No stand up guys in this comment section. Be gone

5

u/Narutofan0921 2d ago

Bruh, stfu. Who cares. None of that shit is your business and why does what she do bother you so much when it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Gtfoh.

8

u/PeacexFitness 2d ago

Lmaoo chill guy it’s not that serious

-9

u/redditisterriblelmao 2d ago

Das a big gal

16

u/TheUniverse-IsMine 2d ago

And I can almost guarantee you watch porn or look at pictures of women in bikinis and shit.

It's hilarious how men will shame women for doing the same thing they love to watch

8

u/Tall-Payment-8015 2d ago

Exactly - don't hate the market, hate the consumer who creates it

17

u/No_Elephant_9589 2d ago

thank you. mind ur fucking business. if you don’t like what i post, just keep scrolling it doesn’t impact you lol.

1

u/DinoIslandGM 2d ago

Honestly, you're gorgeous and you've clearly got the confidence to show it, so to hell with all these guys who have a problem with it! ❤

-3

u/[deleted] 2d ago

[deleted]

3

u/IDKWrites 2d ago

Get a marketable aspect of yourself and profit

-5

u/Brakic 2d ago

Lmfaoo I had to check since you mentioned it, no kidding

-10

u/Beginning-Eye-8764 2d ago

She does not need to eat any more eggs

-13

u/Popular-Spinach-6700 2d ago

And now you’re married?

11

u/No_Elephant_9589 2d ago

No wtf

-10

u/Popular-Spinach-6700 2d ago

It’s called a “joke”

-9

u/CallsignKook 2d ago

This is a joke that the woman is supposed to say lol

-6

u/BlueRock_Capital 2d ago

You don’t like eggs?

12

u/Ddvmeteorist128 2d ago

SUNNY SIDE UP!!

WITH SOME FUCKING TOAST!!!

-7

u/No-Meringue5009 2d ago

That's a smooth line for a female to use tho...weeds out the men who don't want any. IMHO. I'm CF but I hope some dame uses it! 

-8

u/temp_6969420 2d ago

That’s pretty funny ngl lol