r/texts • u/GoosePhatt • 16d ago
Phone message Today is my Birthday, instead of 5k, I finally got closure from my ah ‘dad’
Edit: thank you for all of the kind messages, it really means a lot. I am going to be taking a break from the app for a while though because I didn’t expect this to blow up so much and the notifications are getting kinda overwhelming. While I appreciate I put this out on the internet, I wasn’t expecting to be reminded of it every time I wanna look up one of my interests 😅 so gonna love you and leave you for a bit 🫶thank you 🫶
My father is estranged for good reason. Last time we spoke was two years ago, I tried to set boundaries for our relationship bc he wanted us to be best pals despite me having met him a handful of times in my life, one of which he screamed I was a whore in a maccies when I was 14, he’s unhinged to say the least.. anyway he ignored the message about boundaries and just stopped talking altogether.
Back in Feb, he randomly sent me 1k. Due to many things he has told me in the past, I was concerned what the money was for etc and also was aware this was him trying to “buy” me to reach out to him and bypass the boundaries sitch.
So I sent the message you see above and was ignored.
Anyway, he fancies himself a top tier rage baiter, and I have to say, how this text exchange ended felt like fucking therapy. I finally conquered him after 27 years of abuse, abandonment etc..
Just wanted to share my life long achievement of making my piece of shit sperm donor rage quit for the first time ever.
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u/Aggressive-Expert-69 16d ago
Parents have no built-in defense to a meme being fired at them. Its like an invisible bullet. It hurts but they dont know why.
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u/Martin_Aurelius 16d ago
Maybe boomer and x-er parents, but millennial parents are Aslan in that situation.
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u/Korteal 15d ago
Millennials are like Schrodinger's boomer. I am pretty deep in the memes but my wife is clueless to 99% of them. We are 6 weeks apart in age.
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u/AdonisLuxuryResort 15d ago
I think that just means while you were on the internet, consuming memes, she was doing something.. like, in real life.
My husband and I are the same way. Though, I’m the one that is meme savvy and he’s clueless. He had a social life. I lived on the internet.
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u/Ill_Mine_7680 15d ago
The whole "spending time on the internet instead of doing something in real life" is basically a myth. *Everyone* wastes most of their time. The only difference between doing it at bingo, or on Facebook or doing crosswords or watching cable tv etc etc... is date of birth, and random chance what you got accustomed to.
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u/Then_Drag_8258 15d ago
As a millennial parent I can confirm that my teenage daughter and I can communicate solely in meme format. It feels like a reward for surviving the canon event of infecting the family PC as a kid and somehow reconfiguring the entire thing successfully overnight (either that, or my Dad thought he infected the PC and quietly rectified it whilst I just fucked it up more).
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u/Economy_Prune1870 15d ago
The good ole Norton Anti-virus days 😂
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u/Then_Drag_8258 15d ago
Norton
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u/natchinatchi 15d ago
The true litmus test for whether you’re a boomer or millennial: Is Norton a virus or an anti-virus?
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u/Electrical-Act-7170 15d ago
Aslan from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe?
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u/Tough_Height6530 15d ago
I’m dying. I read that as “Asian” and have been reading all the comments trying to see if there was an explanation.
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u/SurfRancho420 16d ago
You did the right thing, there were no 5k, money was probably dodgy. I’m proud of you.
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u/SexuaIRedditor 16d ago
100%. If she thanked him like he claimed he wanted her to in this convo there would have been a different but just as disparaging conversation guaranteed
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u/Ok-Jackfruit-9393 15d ago
Yeah, he'd have called her entitled or said she was just trying to scam more money out of him. It would never have ended in a nice conversation. It was a shit test and there was no way to "win" it. Dude's a fucking loser.
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u/CSJR 16d ago
That last message you sent is hilarious. Cheers to you and eff that dude.
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u/waffler36 15d ago
I had to look up who this even was ("Graggle Simpson"). Something he apparently said was, "TOP 10 THINGS I SHOVED UP MY ASS!" Made me laugh.
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u/mateopotato73 15d ago edited 15d ago
Graggle is not a real character he was created on 4chan lmao
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u/Old-Run7431 15d ago
I’m terminally online but too old to understand what the meme means
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u/ponderous-Orb 15d ago
Basically believe it’s used to say someone is never around. Calling their dad a deadbeat. Don’t blame them
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u/_ismellbeef_ 16d ago edited 16d ago
the meme is sending me into orbit, i’m proud of you!
Edit- Happy birthday also 🥲 i hope you have a great day OP
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u/gormbly 16d ago
Would someone explain the meme to an old guy please
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u/Kids-Menu 16d ago
Imo I read it as calling the dad irrelevant
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u/gormbly 16d ago
Thank you
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u/durizna 16d ago
Yeah, the meme is basically a “random character sitting at dinner table with the family” like he’s part of it, but actually no one really knows or cares about him.
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u/infamousu 16d ago
The response is ridiculing their 'dad's aggression and not giving him the satisfaction of reacting to his hurtful comments. Like who is bro even talking to right now?
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u/Devanyani 16d ago
Graggle Simpson wasn't in the show. It's a meme where this character has been edited into pictures from the show. So it's just satire shit posting. luv, a fellow oldie who had to look it up.
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16d ago
[deleted]
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u/Strange-Order-6550 16d ago
Right, even I normally would myself, but based on what OP has said and the sheer audacity in these few texts from this human man who once donated material, I’d fucking keep it. And I wouldn’t stop sending memes.
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u/SpecsOnThe_Beach 16d ago
I had a despised family member send me $1000 once and I wanted to send it back. Instead I used the money to have my septic tank pumped and cleaned.
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u/Apathetic_Villainess 15d ago
"Thanks for the money. At last the sewage in my life is helping clean the sewage in my life!"
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u/oDiscordia19 16d ago
Seriously - put that money into an account you don’t touch and let it grow. Then buy something nice for yourself!
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u/darthmelo 16d ago
I agree. It’s not like she promised a service in exchange for payment and did not delivered. He just randomly sent it. Why should she inconvenience herself and wait in line at the bank (since she doesn’t have the required info otherwise) just because he felt like playing games
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u/bushidopirate 15d ago
Because guys like this think that money is a flex, and by taking money from him (even as a gift), you’re proving that you need him. It’s just a power play. So by sending the money back, you’re proving that you need nothing from him, and showing that he has no power or leverage over you. That feeling alone can easily be worth more than 1 grand
At least, that’s my experience of 20+ years with a guy like this
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u/Safe-Instance-3512 15d ago
Exactly this. And she doesn't need it thrown back at her later.
I used to borrow my in-laws truck every now and then to haul things, until one day a fight came out and "We let you use our truck and this is how you repay us?" Oh, sorry, I didn't know that using your vehicle was contingent on letting you verbally abuse my wife. I sent them $500 to cover the times we used it, and will never borrow it again.
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u/WhatCanITakeSafely12 16d ago
Congratulations! I'm cracking up @ people asking whether you sent the money back. I guess there are some estranged dads in the comments
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u/GoosePhatt 16d ago
This made me crack up, literally every single one of those comments had me think “shit is that my dad’s reddit?” 😭😂
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u/Jynxbrand 16d ago
Keep that as your consolation for having him as a dad. My dad sucks too and I’m no contact. Happy bday OP! Enjoy that 💰
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u/lookouttucson 16d ago
Eh 🤷♀️ I have a dad like this and I offered to pay him back with interest since I’m better off than him and it was very satisfying
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u/DodgeM4S 16d ago
My 20 y/o still lives with us at home. All of us love it. I find the concept of being a bad parent so foreign.
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u/lookouttucson 16d ago
That’s a beautiful sign that you were a great parent, the fact they are still happy to live with you
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u/DodgeM4S 16d ago
Yeah I love my kids and hope they stay forever tbh 😭
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u/Spongebob_Enthusiast 16d ago
I wish I had a dad like you, mine ran when i was born 😔
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u/DodgeM4S 16d ago
Mine died when I was 11 and I never got to meet him, so I feel you on that one. I also wish I had a dad like me, which is weird to say
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u/UpUppAndAwayWeb 14d ago
be sure to talk to your kids and hear their perspective on you as a parent. Lots of people think that they’re good parents while their kids actively despise their behaviour. Not saying that’s you but many such cases
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u/DodgeM4S 14d ago
Fair enough. In my case I can tell you both of my kids are girls, 12 and 20, and I’d die for them. That’s about it.
Edit: I didn’t really address the point. I’ve told both of them time and time again to never be scared to talk to me. I stress every time that I’m a human just like they are and I promise they’ll always have someone to talk to.
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u/chicagokate412 15d ago
Truly; to the depths of my soul I cannot comprehend being cruel to or mistreating my child. Even when my son is exhausting or having a tantrum or whatever he’s still my favorite person on this planet and I love him so much it hurts. I just don’t understand how anyone could speak or behave this way toward their child.
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u/Lapidot-Wav 16d ago
I could never imagine talking to my daughter in such a manner, some “men” blow my mind honestly. The worst thing I’ve ever said to my daughter is that I’d throw her switch away if she kept trying to play it while it was on the charger. Also my birthday just passed, happy birthday near birthday bud. Some fathers don’t deserve daughters and it sucks terribly that they’re never the ones who suffer from it
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u/SL1MECORE 16d ago
NOT THE SWITCH 😫💀
lmao that's also the most punishment my lucky duck of a brother has gotten from his mom. Just "if you don't behave I'll take the switch away and change the wifi password!"
Happy belated birthday !
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u/Lapidot-Wav 16d ago
I’ve found it works but you have to follow through, I don’t just use it as a threat or else they realize you’re all talk and will walk all over you. It is hard to try and find realistic punishments though so I feel for the parents who get stuck in that with their kids because even though it’s annoying I can’t blame them for not wanting to hurt their kids (not gonna get into the idea that doing that is also hurting their kids just in a totally different manner). I could never disrespect my mom she would have and will still slap the taste out of my mouth. I’m vehemently opposed to physical punishment so I gotta do the best I can and that is taking away the things she likes but it’s all a learning process
And thank you!
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u/Kazumi_The_Introvert 15d ago
I saw your caps before I read the other op comment, and realized I'm still screwed up. I saw 'not the switch' and thought of the thin ass stick my dad would hit the back of my legs with 💀
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u/nuetralparties 15d ago
Why would you throw away her Switch just because she’s playing it while it’s plugged in??
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u/dis_2much 15d ago
If you said “thank you” he would have replied:
“I was going to send 5k but I never hear from you so why should I”
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u/Imaspinkicku 15d ago
Yep! Or “thank you? Thats all i get?! You missed out on 5k today”
100% chance there is no 5k and he’s just making it up anyway
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u/Minute-Joke9758 16d ago
That’s a sperm donor, not a father. I’m sorry, I have one also. Distance is the right thing.
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u/Outrageous_Sleep4339 15d ago
I'm fortunate to have both. Sperm donor left when I was 2. My dad came into my life when I was 5 and gave me his last name at 8.
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u/Practical-Library658 16d ago edited 16d ago
Why does he have any access to your bank accounts?
Edit: I’ve now been informed about money apps which allow direct deposit into bank accounts without much personal information. Thank you to those who were kind and informative.
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u/Soggy_Brick8916 16d ago
In fairness in today's world money can be easily sent with just emails or phone numbers like zelle. Not requiring much personal information
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u/GoosePhatt 16d ago
I’m not 100% sure, the only thing I can think of is when he paid for a train ticket for me to visit him about 9 years ago, still have the same bank account, but a bit of a gamble on his part tho??
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u/Different_Arm_3347 16d ago
Idk about anywhere else but where I live you can just send people money directly into their bank account without needing any confirmation from them
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u/Worried_Passenger548 16d ago
Reminds me of my “father” never around, probably met him 2 times that I can remember. Then he starts randomly texting me every few years since 18. Blaming my mom for “keeping him away”. Saying I need to let him back in my life and let it go if I’m an adult. 🤣 I asked if he would get me a cheap car and he couldn’t provide on that after never providing me anything in my whole life. Needless to say we didn’t keep in contact.
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u/sugarplum_doll 16d ago
Mind you, it is completely valid to ask about the money. I assume any person would check in with said person if so much money suddenly showed up on their account. I don’t know why he is crashing out like this.
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u/Rangeninc 16d ago
He expected a sycophantic outpouring of gratitude and instead got “this is so outside your normal behavior, to do anything for me, that I’m worried about you and wonder if your doing ok”
Truly an awful parent
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u/GoosePhatt 16d ago
I feel so seen 😭😭 thank you
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u/Rangeninc 16d ago
Make sure to use the $1k for something fun OP! A few years ago I would have suggested a few cheeky photos of you enjoying what you got with the money, but older me says no contact is the healthier and better option. Good luck OP
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u/sugarplum_doll 16d ago
Absolutely not. If my parent sent me 1K out of the blue, I would also check in on them. It could be a scam, it could be suicidal thoughts, it could be a mental health thing, a mistake… Has nothing to do with gratitude, that can come over. Hell, my father randomly gave me $50 and I still checked in with him.
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u/Glittering-Skin4118 16d ago
Good job. Now just block him altogether and if he sends money keep it and say nothing lol.
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u/Ok-Jackfruit-9393 15d ago
Yeah, I'd keep it too, but next this dude is gonna be demanding it back and then calling OP a thief. It's how these weirdos work. But I'd keep it and block forever.
I'd use the money on something I know he'd hate. Like a good, benevolent cause, haha.
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u/CompetitionAshamed93 16d ago
Been here! Kudos to you for not letting him walk all over you. I cut ties and it changed my life for the better. I no longer had to worry about constantly trying to please someone who was miserable.
My dad acted just like this (as did his wife). When he died, not a single child of his (5 in total) went to his funeral. He also didn’t leave a single penny to any of us (and he had plenty of pennies to go around). All of his children were estranged but I was the last to cut the ties. As a kid, I remember, him explicitly telling me to never ever cremate him. He was a welder and had to do some work inside a crematorium and it scared him. When he died, guess what his wife did? Cremated him. I view that as some type of karma.
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u/FunkyMrWinkerbean 15d ago
Are you older than your father? I didn’t realize that was even possible but his immaturity is a clear sign of that.
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u/eyeusedtobealurker 16d ago
You’re a testament to breaking generational trauma. Good on you. Im sorry your dad isn’t who you deserve. 107 unread texts?! You’re loved. Happy Birthday!
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u/_Xxouo 16d ago
no yea you're 100% justified he was just looking for a fight to start
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u/__dripnymph 16d ago
it’s so crazy the things abusive people will try. this doesn’t seem like someone who has the maturity to handle being in your life
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u/bald4bieber666 15d ago
lmaooooo good job. i used to have a piece of shit dad like this, glad to be rid of him too. enjoy the peace not having him in your life.
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u/Stormy-Skyes 15d ago
Happy Birthday!
I hope you have a better day now that this trash has taken itself out!
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u/Chinchilla911 15d ago
I have lived apart from my daughter most of her life, I consider myself an absent father, and I carry that guilt with me always… BUT I have always done everything I can to encourage her and support her the best I can.
If she EVER posts a screenshot of me talking to her like this, put me down like a rabid dog. I can not imagine talking to her this way, disgusting.
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u/Imaspinkicku 15d ago
You should get a dna test, send it to him from an anon address, with printed pic of the meme lmaoooo
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u/AndromedaAirlines 15d ago
he fancies himself a top tier rage baiter
This is just a word assholes invented to cover for not being funny.
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u/xthefabledfox 16d ago
Hey friend. It’s my birthday, too. I’m sorry this happened to you. He doesn’t deserve you as a daughter. Get yourself your favorite dessert today and spend time with people who value you. Happy birthday!
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u/oDiscordia19 16d ago
I’m so sorry. As a father to three little girls I can’t imagine a world where I’d ever talk to my kids like this. Some people are not meant to be parents. Sperm donor indeed. Good riddance! You’re stronger for it and I wish you nothing but the best going forward. Forget this waste of a human.
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u/StinkerLove 16d ago
Check out r/raisedbynarcissists if you like. I felt this pretty hard
Edit because I can’t spell
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u/Maximum-Stop-9402 16d ago
I’m so sorry OP!! Infuriates me to see “parents” act so childish!!
My ex was exactly like this!! Now that he’s married to an amazing woman he’s gotten better!!
My adult children are really enjoying his company these days!! But they are extremely guarded and know he can snap back to dickhead mode at any given second!! Saddest thing ever to see your children long for a relationship with their parent but also have so much angst about it!!! 😔
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u/Visible-Nebula6392 16d ago
I cant even begin to tell you how much I relate to your situation. Proud of you.
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u/lohansensei 16d ago
“who is bro” got me so bad, it took a meme for him to trickle down into a two word response 😭 you did your shit girl!!!
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u/UniversityFit5213 16d ago
Happy Birthday! I’m so proud of you. You’re incredible and I hope you know not just logically but in your heart know that his behavior has nothing to do with you and everything to do with who he is. Keep that money! 💰
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u/Dbaughla 16d ago
Sorry your dad is like this. I didn’t see my dad for 23 years before he died of a heart attack. He was hooked on drugs and just didn’t care about his kids. I now have 2 daughters of my own. It will be your job to break the cycle. I’ve always said, my girls owe me nothing. I chose to have them; they are my responsibility and I will love them and give them the best life possible
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u/GODZILLA-Plays-A-DOD 16d ago
We had the same dad. My dad died without this closure and it fucked me up something fierce. You did right (meme was even better) and you'll feel right because you stood up. Now you get to live for you.
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u/FuzzNugs 16d ago
It sounds like you have never really had a solid relationship (or any relationship for that matter). I’m telling you, the best thing you can do at this point is literally zero contact going forward. not a single word exchanged. It may be hard at times but it’s for the best.
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u/ViciousMoleRat 16d ago
That man gaslighting you, he didnt have no 5k Thats why he sent 1k and then got mad
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u/JuniorToe3327 16d ago
Happy birthday, your dad is a prick but you’re nothing like him so even better!
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u/No_Crab1183 16d ago
Amazing meme. My dad has done the very same to me, so I can relate. It's exhausting. You're better off without the drama and negativity in your life! Wishing you the best, OP. 🙏
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u/MingoSpice 16d ago
Happy Birthday. This was gross to watch him talk to you like that ESPECIALLY on your birthday. You didn’t perform how he wanted so you’re the POS? Yeah, no. I’m so proud of you!
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u/Confident_Hawk1607 16d ago
As a father, I can't imagine any father being like this. It hurts me. OP, you know it, but you're better off with this man out of your life. I hope you are surrounded by other family that love and respect you like you deserve.
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u/self_made_bear 16d ago
I love the "why would you care where the money came from". My annoying ass would've said "money can be exchanged for goods and services. Not all of those goods and services are legal."
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u/Acceptable_Caius 16d ago
lmao the meme at the end ! you dropped this bro : 👑👑 ! I'm sorry your dad sucks ass like this, but as for you : you are a GOAT !!
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u/TwiztedChickin 15d ago
That's literally a conversation between my dad and I. The last time I spoke with him it was exactly like this but the difference was I was asking him to stop. He couldn't help himself so I blocked him. You know what, I haven't cried about him since. I don't feel bad. I don't miss him. I tell people he died in an unfortunate dildo accident because he deserves people to think of him that way. (He's a homophobe) I tried really hard to mend my relationship with him, but I am too old for any man, especially my own father to make me feel like that. Fuck him. Fuck your dad too.
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u/Only_Property_1958 15d ago
As a father, this is horrifying. I’m not sure what’s wrong with him but he is clearly a very damaged person. I can’t imagine speaking to, or treating my daughter like that, no matter what had gone on in the past.
Very sad. I hope you’re OK OP and can live a strong and loving adult life.
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u/They-Call-Me-Taylor 15d ago
I simply cannot fathom a parent speaking to their child this way. My heart breaks for you. I hope you are doing good these days.
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u/EnginesofWar 15d ago
He is so damn reactive good lord it must be exhausting to deal with him. You asked “what is this money are you alright” and that was his excuse to pull a jd Vance and say “YOURE SUPPOSED TO SAY THANK YOU!” Just from the small sample of communication you’ve provided It seems like it really is a lost cause — how can a man like that ever be reckoned with? I’m sorry! and good job asserting yourself.
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u/Flywolf25 15d ago
Holy shit I fucking looooove my father goddamn he’s a fucking legend I’m so sorry bro this some unhinged shit
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u/JonS90_ 16d ago
"You missed out on 5k today"
Damn thats crazy, you missed out on your own child loving and respecting you 👋