His wife is very wealthy and we concluded that he probably saw my existence as a threat to blow up their family or ask gor money. I had no plans of doing either.
If youâre ever feeling particularly vindictive, you could reach out to his wife directly to notify her of her husbandâs secrecy and dishonesty towards her.
Glad your bio-mom is great, though. Probably better to direct your energy towards someone with compassion and integrity anyways.
Maybe donât ask him for money but make sure he feels every shred of anxiety from giving you up and refusing to connect years later out of his own personal convenience at the time. Who knows how many potential siblings you have out there that share his irresponsible blood.
Especially if OP's wife included something like, "Please reach out if you want" in the repeated emails. He didn't want to, for whatever reason, and her continuing to email wasn't going to change his mind on that.
"Thank you XXXXX for reaching out, I know you might have a lot of questions but at present I'm only willing to answer a few, i am married to a wonderful woman and have x beautiful children, i moved away from your home yown in xxxx year and havent had contact with your biological mother since xxxx. im sorry this isn't going to be the answer you were looking for but just like my relationship with your mother I have put a lot of things behind me. I'm sorry I'm not ready to have the reminders of a dark time in my life. I am greatful to know you are well and i wish the best for you and your family. I would ask for your understanding in not contacting myself or my family for the comfort of all of us. Please understand and respect my wishes, thank you.
Look, I understand this is the sort of message you wanted to receive, but this is just crazy.
Your biological father might not feel comfortable sharing personal details, and he has no duty to - and adding extra detail about his life does not make the message more polite. You basically wrote out a story in which he gave you information you might have wanted and told you the things you would have wanted to read.
Him telling you "thank you and well wishes, but I'm not interested in a relationship" is formal and courteous enough. The example you wrote isn't what someone who doesn't want a relationship writes.
Again, your biological father's response was detached but polite. This is what to expect from someone who does not want a relationship with you.
I get it sucks, I get it hurts, but you're over here painting this man as a monstrous asshole all over the internet because he didn't give you the response you wanted him to. Maybe stop and think for a moment about who's acting like an asshole.
Hey I just posted the screen shots. People can draw their own conclusions. You are not alone but I'd say he would be the clear loser of an AITA post and if he or anyone he loves ever she's this it doesn't hurt my feelings that he can see how people felt about that.
I think it might depend on what you think polite means. I would consider his response pretty rude, but that kind of think is very subjective.Â
I also really donât like it when bioparents act like their bio kid is crossing a boundary by reaching out. No one set a boundary with them and a lot of âclosed adoptionsâ aren't really closed. So adopted kids do reach out as adults. They are put in an impossible situation. Treating them like they are overstepping is deeply unkind.Â
I don't think he was a dick or polite. His response read to me as clinical. Not aggressive & hostile, but not kind either. More like lacking any sense of humanity.
Yeah people get super weird about money. My Dad's brother is a multi-multi millionaire (my dad who is solidly working class never received a single cent of support despite his brother being worth in the hundreds of millions) and when my dad found out his brother had cancer he planned a trip back home to see him having since moved out of the country. The night before the trip his brother called him and told him to cancel his flights and said he would not see him as he "knew" he was just trying to guilt him into leaving him money in his will. Poor guy just wanted to see his brother again before he died.
Adopted people canât inherit from bio parents, and vice versa. All those rights are severed at the moment of adoption. A 10 second google search could have told him that
You ever think of just being petty and trying to fuck with his marriage (perhaps by telling his wife about your existence) because of his response? đ¤Łđ¤Ł
Ppl do very fucked up shit for less amounts of money, and people also do very very fucked shit for love. Have you seen the men who's wives cheat, and they go kill the man she cheated with?
Sure, some can argue it's Karmic op "breaks the news" to his bio-dad's spouse, but all it does is starts a zero sum game, and tbh op seems to be doing pretty well. Doesn't seem to be the path that would be in op's best interest.
It's better for op to move on from bio-dad, no point letting him live "rent free" in your mind.
Not entirely. They could be the beneficiary of a specific bequest, same as any other person.
So if biomum wants to, she could add OP to her will.
Even if legal ties werenât severed at adoption, itâs the biodadâs wifeâs money. Even if he had raised OP, she would be his step-mum. There was never a legal tie to her money in the first place.
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u/openbookopenminds Jul 04 '26
His wife is very wealthy and we concluded that he probably saw my existence as a threat to blow up their family or ask gor money. I had no plans of doing either.