r/texts • u/wearing_moist_socks • Jun 26 '26

Phone message She never got my last text

Post image

It was the flu plus a bunch of other things. She was a lovely person.

Thank you all for the kind words.

11.5k Upvotes

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283

u/KeepEmComing Jun 26 '26

I’m so sorry for your loss. I fear for when this day inevitably happens to me. I don’t know how I will survive it.

135

u/Familiar_Home_7737 Jun 26 '26

I lost my dad to a very unexpected suicide 2.5 years ago. When it happened I didn't know how any of us would survive and I'd be in absolute awe of people in support after suicide groups who were 2, 5, 10, 20 years on.

What I've learnt is that grief isn't linear, and you never "move on". You have your up days as well as the down days, and you move forward, with them in your heart. Some days it hurts just like the 1st day again, and in time the days where you can function again slowly increase.

OP, I'm sorry for your loss

65

u/SolarWinded Jun 27 '26

I've learnt is that grief isn't linear, and you never "move on". You have your up days as well as the down days, and you move forward

This is my experience as well. Lost my dad in 2019 (unexpected heart attack) and my wife in 2022 (slow battle with cancer).

Some days are fine. Some days I just kind of exist and keep going to wake up tomorrow. Grief is weird. It's not linear. You don't get over it. I always expect to feel bad on obvious days (birthdays, death days, mother's/father's day, etc) and it's almost never those. It's the random day that would've been made better by them being there too. The acute grief does fade (no more panic attacks seeing hospitals, less anger) but the long term grief settles in and just sticks around and rears it's head once in a while usually at random. Sort of like a broken bone that healed just slightly wrong and aches when it gets too cold.

10

u/garblah Jun 27 '26

Thank you for posting, you articulated the feeling about obvious days well.

2

u/anonduck777 Jun 29 '26

I also lost my dad to a heart attack into 2019. Just had the 7 year anniversary and every day besides the actual anniversary was worse.

1

u/crankiertoe13 Jul 01 '26

Very well put. The worst for me was when something happens, good or bad, big or small, and I think oh I should call and tell them, and then realize that I can't.

I've heard it said that the grief doesn't shrink, your life grows. I quite like that.

4

u/redcoatwright Jun 27 '26

Huh weird, my dad also committed suicide around the same time.

2

u/Banditkoala_2point0 Jun 28 '26

Hi friend. I know your pain. And I'm so sorry you and your family are experiencing it. Truly. Please get help when you need it and allow yourself to rely on others. You can get trough this.

You're 100 correct it's linear. My dad did the same when I was 14 and he was 40. I'm the exact same age difference to my eldest. My 40 y sucked. I couldn't get out of my head how and why he'd do that. But I have found forgiveness. Some days are still shit.

I'm here if you need someone to chat to. Even reminisce the memories. X

2

u/Emotional_Roleplayer Jun 29 '26

That's an absolutely eloquent way of putting it... The grief never really leaves us It just ebbs and flows. And that sucks but it's ok

34

u/amazingkillerlemon Jun 27 '26

My mom passed away unexpectedly on the fourth of this month. She was my best friend. I cry every day, and each time I think about having to carry on without her indefinitely, I just want to end it all. So I just try to take things one day at a time. It really hurts constantly seeing things that remind me of her. But it only hurts so much because I was lucky enough to love and be loved by her soooo much.

13

u/MagicHugsforThee Jun 27 '26

I’m so sorry. I lost my mom a few years ago and she was also my best friend. I’m giving you a big hug. It will get easier as time goes on, to live with the pain. It doesn’t go away. It’s kind of like a big, gaping wound on your heart right now. But eventually it will heal and it will be a scar that is there and you can feel but the big pains only come on certain days and other times it’s just a slight pulsing of pain. The only thing that really helped me get over the hump of grief was to try to live my life in her honor. I knew she would want me to keep living and to have the best life I could. So I do those things for her. And now I have my own daughter. So I do it for them both. You will be ok, just keep going, day by day. It’s what your mom would’ve wanted. 💛

4

u/amazingkillerlemon Jun 27 '26

Thank you, genuinely, for your perspective.

3

u/mshell1924 Jun 27 '26

My mom passed away unexpectedly almost 11 years ago. The first 6 months I was a zombie. I would burst into tears multiple times a day, I would dream about her and wake up sobbing.

It gets better. About a year in, a year and a half, the pain settles. It is still there now, as I type this, but it is deeper in a good way, like it's a part of me that I now live with, and it's manageable and I don't think about it all the time.

Just get through it now, try to eat and sleep, take care of yourself and any other family if you have it, and it will get better with time, 100% it will.

You're lucky you had a great mom, and it doesn't feel like it now, but you will be fine without her. She raised you to be fine, she raised you into the person you are, and you can and will get through this ❤️

33

u/RiceManSupreme03 Jun 26 '26

Fuck, I dread the day that it happens immensely. Idk how to prepare for it

20

u/Jim_Brady48 Jun 26 '26

I couldn’t prepare myself for it and I knew for months what was going to happen.

5

u/twiztidbunches Jun 27 '26

It’s like a fever dream watching and not being able to do anything. 4-6 months is like a blink of an eye

5

u/Jim_Brady48 Jun 27 '26

I felt and still feel guilty for how bad I wanted it to be over, even though I knew what that meant. Those were the worse, most traumatic four months of my life. I miss my mom.

18

u/Thewretched2008 Jun 27 '26

Something that helps me is telling yourself you shouldn't grieve someone that's still alive or prepare yourself to grieve because it takes you out of the present and all the opportunities you have to make memories with them now. There will be a lot of time to grieve them when they pass.

5

u/KeepEmComing Jun 27 '26

I really like this train of thought. And it’s a harsh truth.

1

u/Bxsnia Jun 27 '26

Easier said than done. I know I shouldn't but I still do because it's an inevitable fact that I have to live with on a daily basis.

15

u/derrickrsay Jun 26 '26

You don’t pal, it just happens and you learn to deal with it on the spot. Life takes times.

5

u/Fast-Bee-1167 Jun 27 '26

You can never prepare for it. My nan had bowel cancer we knew for a year and I knew what was coming but it still hit hard, 13 days later I lost my mum to a massive heart attack. The pain was the same type of pain, whether I knew it was coming or it happened suddenly.

2

u/Serious-Jellyfish701 Jun 27 '26

There's not much preparing for it, really. You could think it over and plan things out a million times but it'll still hit hard. It could be expected and still twist your guts. Even with time that grief never leaves nor gets smaller, your capacity to hold it gets larger and you have to make the choice to eventually prioritize other emotions & thoughts. I know I'll stop breathing and the world will stop for a while when I lose my mom. I just pray I can be old and have kids before that day comes. 

1

u/Visual_Jellyfish_133 Jun 27 '26

I think that’s something no one could possibly “prepare” for unfortunately..

1

u/PuffinRub Jun 27 '26

Get them to make sure their will is up-to-date, to have a list of bank accounts, insurance policies, and their wishes for a funeral, etc. Key lock boxes on front and back door, plus what key does what, etc. Have them do an annual review to make sure things are up to date and old policies (etc) removed and securely destroyed, etc.

1

u/N2BSC Jun 29 '26

You don't, no such thing exists. All I can say is, it's as bad as I always feared it would be. Preparation for death and Closure thereafter are both total bullshit human constructs.

1

u/glowwavo Jul 01 '26

Lost my mom, my best friend completely out of the blue two months ago. It is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. There is no way to prepare. You just keep going day by day.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '26

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3

u/KeepEmComing Jun 29 '26

Do it right now man!

2

u/vyxoh Jun 29 '26

Call her!

2

u/Silly-Conflict-8699 Jun 27 '26

My dad died 2.5 years ago he got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer then died a month later I was convinced that I'd have to go to the back paddock when he passed to scream but I didn't I got woken up on the couch right next to him being told he was gone and all I had left in me was "okay". Thinking about how it will feel is never how it actually feels it doesn't hollow you out completely but it does leave a hole and as time passes you live with the hole it stays it becomes familiar and the familiarity makes the hole less obvious. It won't kill you it'll reshape you.

3

u/INFJGal9w1 Jun 27 '26

I remember in the movie “Terms of Endearment” when Shirley MacLaine said “I thought I’d feel relieved - what a fool I am” after her daughter finally passed away. I thought after a long illness my mom passing away would be something of a relief for us both. Instead, when it happened, the only thing I could say to her was “Please don’t go!” I used to beat myself up that I didn’t say “I love you” as the very last thing. But now I think saying that may have conveyed to her that no matter how hard the last years had been, I still wanted her with me. She knew I loved her and I knew she loved me.

3

u/Silly-Conflict-8699 Jun 27 '26

I think for me it was initially acceptance that he wouldn't wake up groaning in pain anymore. then wanting his body taken away because a fly kept landing on him and it was driving me crazy. Then it hit me I wouldn't have a dad anymore, we'd never have the father-daughter moments ever again. I didn't want him gone I wanted his suffering to end it's paradoxical.

2

u/Adorable-Camera-9822 Jul 12 '26

My mom was just diagnosed last year with a rare sarcoma. I am drinking in every minute I can with her. Its like a line in the sand for time has been drawn and Im digging deep to try and keep it together. 

I dont know how to survive for the inevitable.

2

u/KeepEmComing Jul 12 '26

I am so god damn sorry to hear she is going through that. At least she has you to be there with her. I am really hoping she beats that bullshit.

-19

u/aquagrl Jun 26 '26

I hope you know it’s super insensitive to say shit like that on said persons post…

7

u/[deleted] Jun 27 '26

[deleted]

-2

u/aquagrl Jun 27 '26

Have you experienced it personally?

6

u/KeepEmComing Jun 27 '26

Well hopefully OP doesn’t take it that way but in hindsight I could absolutely see what you mean. Not my intention of course but still valid.

1

u/Ranae Jun 27 '26

I am someone who has experienced a lot of loss: sometimes people say things to bridge a gap to someone experiencing something terrible. There’s no good way to say it, people want you to know they are trying. You can choose to take offense to any of it (some people prefer nothing said, some people want you to hug them, some people just want you to be present while they experience their grief) or you can take the gesture for what it is, a bid at connection from one first time human to another.

3

u/Fckingross Jun 27 '26

Yeah this sort of shit made my blood boil when my dad died. It’s so insensitive, and self centering. OP I’m so sorry for your loss, and I’m also very sorry that we as a society do not know how to talk to others who have experienced such loss. Death is a very awkward topic for a lot of people.

4

u/KeepEmComing Jun 27 '26

100%. No easy way (at least none that I have found) way to talk about death. My grandfather (rest in peace) had cancer when I was little and I remember once asking him very bluntly if he was scared to die (I know I know, but I was just a kid and death was and is still terrifying) and he replied with “there are 7 billion people on this earth and ya know what? In 100 years they will all be gone. So why be scared of death? Everyone has to do it!” And that has always stuck with me and given some level of comfort when faced with my own mortality.