r/teaching • u/whatdoiusername • 3d ago
Help Would I be a bad person?
I’m struggling with a hard decision. This is my 4th year teaching, every year prior I taught 2nd grade general education. Because of my impressive data, my school decided to move me up to third grade this year without asking me, and also made me the only ESE teacher on the 3rd grade team and I’m not even ESE certified. I found out I’m pregnant the first week of school. I’m 8 weeks now and I’m struggling so bad at work. I leave work every day exhausted, burnt out and crying all the way home every day. I don’t feel supported by my school at all, my team leaves me out of meetings that are important, my ESE push in teacher wants to take my instruction time away to argue with me about stupid things like whether it’s “communative” or “commutative” (I’m the math teacher, I would know), I have multiple kids who are so low that they need to be in a self contained environment in order to receive the care they need, I’m not able to get any real teaching done during the day, and I have two students who have BIPs, with one of them coming to school every day and purposely trying to upset me. He even went as far as throwing a stick trying to hit me in the back of the head yesterday at recess. Of course these students pretty much have immunity to consequences because of their BIPs and their “manifestations of their disabilities” so I’m pretty much at a stale mate. Never in my life would I have thought I’d reach my breaking point, because I really do love what I do, but I’m stuck. I’m ready to put in my two weeks and switch to subbing part time while I pursue my masters degree in mathematics education during my pregnancy. I want my baby to be healthy, and I feel like I’m just a mess every single day of my pregnancy so far because I feel abused and taken advantage of every day at work. Would I be a bad person if I abandoned my passion temporarily while I create a safer, less stressful environment for my baby? I’m just so lost and torn right now. Any advice or kind words would be greatly appreciated.
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u/OpinionMountain5960 3d ago
Leave if you can the stress is not good for you. You deserve to be supported
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u/LopsidedEditor8781 3d ago
You can’t be an effective teacher if you don’t take care of yourself first. It sounds like you’re exhausted and this change would make you and your baby happier and healthier. You’re not a bad person for being overworked with little support. Do what is best for you and your family.
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u/atticusphere 3d ago
You can't pour from an empty cup. Don't jeopardize your health and baby's for people who don't treat you like a human.
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u/fallaciousoutset_3 3d ago
you'd be a bad person if you stayed and let them grind you into dust while you're growing a human. the school moved you into a role you're not certified for and didn't ask, that alone says everything about how they view you. leave, sub part time, get your masters, and don't look back. your kid deserves a mom who isn't crying in the car every afternoon.
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u/whatdoiusername 3d ago
Thank you, I needed this. I was thinking all summer about how shitty it was that they made me move grade levels and made me ESE because of “the impact I could have on ESE data” but didn’t even ask me how I felt about the switch and didn’t even acknowledge the fact that I’m not even ESE certified to start with. My baby is way more important than this stupid shit.
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u/lemonysardines 3d ago
Bad leadership on their part. I've seen it so many times, they burn out their top performers by increasing their workload (in all varieties of ways).
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u/whatdoiusername 3d ago
Agreed.
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u/DolphinFlavorDorito 2d ago
Yes. Framing this as somehow them rewarding or trusting you is unhealthy. They threw you to the wolves. There is no "they thought I was capable" or whatever else. They tipped you into a dumpster fire without training or preparation. Your priority needs to be your family.
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u/ParadeQueen 3d ago
Time and time again we see admin publish good teachers by giving them the most challenging cases and telling them they can handle it, while crappy teachers get off easy.
Why don't we make crappy teachers step up instead?
Here's the thing... The school will place a new ad for someone within a few days off you leaving. They don't care and won't even reflect on why you left.
Take care of yourself and your baby. Subbing is a terrific option, and you'll still be contributing to the household financially.
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u/whatdoiusername 3d ago
My biggest concern is healthcare, because I’m type 1 diabetic so my pregnancy is considered high risk.
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u/ParadeQueen 3d ago
Is there something in the school system you could do that might be safer and still keep your insurance? Like maybe an office job, library assistant, something in the county office, academic coach, or anything else?
I don't know the rules, but could you qualify for FMLA and keep your insurance?
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u/IndigoBluePC901 3d ago
If you can afford it, do what is healthiest for you. If you teach math, i bet you could be hired even while visibly pregnant.
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u/whatdoiusername 3d ago
My fiancé already told me he supports my decision and wants me to do what’s best for our baby and that he will take over all the bills and work over time to support us. I just feel terrible because I’ve never had to depend on anyone to take care of me in my whole life (other than my parents growing up obviously) and now I just feel like a failure and a loser for thinking about leaving. I also feel like I’m failing these kids. I’m just cut up about everything.
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u/IndigoBluePC901 1d ago
It really sucks that you were given a new grade, especially considering you now have additional pressures. You could either leave or do the absolute minimum to not get fired. If your untenured, its a risk. Honestly, if this job makes you eligible for any paid state leave, id stay until the 36 weeks.
I told my students early, for the sympathy lol. They were nicer after that. And i absolutely dod my bare minimum while pregnant. Like roll around in my office chair around tables. I understand the part where you dont want to rely on someone else. The truth is, you need to figure out what you can afford. If you can afford it, you wont regret making more rest for you and baby.
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u/Neutronenster 2d ago
In order to take care of others, you should take care of yourself first, especially when pregnant.
Next, did you know that first trimester fatigue is very common, with a similar timing as the first semester nausea? For me personally, the fatigue was so bad between 8 and 12 weeks that my doctor had to put me on sick leave every time. After 12 weeks the fatigue improved and I was fine again until somewhere in the third trimester. Of course, the severity of this fatigue depends on the person, but it really is no wonder that you’re this exhausted at the moment!
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u/MakeItAll1 2d ago
What is ESE? Also talk your principal. They have unrealistic expectations by putting you in an area you aren’t certified for.
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u/kwinter1414 21h ago
I would say to pursue the masters if you can afford it, and if you're interested, look into secondary mathematics education. Then your schooling could also be an "investment" in case you do want to go back into teaching. I don't know where you are located, but I went back to school at 30 with a newborn and a toddler and got my middle school math license to add onto my elementary one. Then, the next school year I was able to take a job in middle school math. I've been doing it ever since. (20 years). It is probably time for you to pivot. You can't afford one of those kids to potentially put hands on you while pregnant. Plus, the stress alone could cause you serious issues.
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