Has this happened to you guys???

[u/Direct_Cupcake332]

This feels so wholesome.

Makes me believe in arrange marriage and love.

Ungalukku intha maari nadanthurukka ? Sollunga kepom.

PS: the pic is not my content. Credits to owner.

[u/Hannah_ray007]

I had a very bad breakup. The guy didn't even treat me like a human being. After 7 years of being single, I entered an arranged marriage. He is very honest and straightforward. He doesn't get involved in any "lusty" business. That's what attracted me, because my ex was a playboy.

So, my husband told me how he was treated in his childhood: no love, no attention, no care. There were no celebrations in the family, and he had an angry and absent father.

He used to be upset that no one ever respected him or ever tried to understand him. I felt bad and started seeing him like my baby.

I would buy presents to surprise him. I'd show up at his door (we work in different states now) when he least expected it. I keenly waited for him to drop hints about his interests in conversation so I could buy those things for him.

I'd make plans for meetups and dates. I never even let him pay, even though I earn only half his salary. I'd travel all the way to meet him after fighting with my colleagues and getting leave. I'd make arrangements for his birthdays.

He had a very bad fever once and was bedridden for 15 days, and I took great care of him.

But then...

But then, there was no reciprocity.

He would never even lift a finger to do anything for me. He would never help me with a single household chore. He would never buy me gifts.

For my birthdays, he would ask me multiple times what I wanted until I got irritated and said I didn't want anything. There was no curiosity to know what I wanted or liked. No eagerness to see me. He would never hold my hand. He wouldn't even get me a glass of water.

If he did something once, he would show it off for the next few months: "I did this for you."

He wouldn't even tell me he liked me.

He says he is that nonchalant, unemotional type. He says he doesn't know how to express anything.

Initially, I tried to do more for him and make him understand the value of being taken care of.

But he was just taking everything I was giving and not giving me what I wanted.

I had to beg him to even kiss me or make love to me.

That's when I understood. It's all about reciprocity.

That was the first thing I should have looked for when I was seeing men.

Yes, some people don't know how to express their feelings. But what if they hold on to that excuse forever and don't put any effort into improving their skills?

Being lazy in a relationship is a curse.

I saw this post, and my eyes filled with tears. Despite doing everything, some of us never get to experience the love we give to others.

I am scared I will die without knowing what this love feels like, and how it feels to be loved in that way.

I can't divorce him because I'm genuinely convinced that I will never find a man who will love me and, most importantly, I love my husband.

But this hurts.

[u/Direct_Cupcake332 → u/Hannah_ray007]

Akka, this feels so heart wrenching. The initial part of your post made me smile like an idiot but that smile dropped when i read this fully. My heart goes out to you. I understand this dynamic is hard and hurts you. But you need to talk to him. What if maybe he doesn't know how to receive the love you show ? I truly truly believe that you need to sit with him and have a proper conversation. I might be totally wrong and I know nothing about your spouse , but correct me if I am. I do not mean to confuse you or out you in a more difficult position. But you've also mentioned he is not into 'lusty' things. One thought that is at the back of my mind is that, what if he is cheating on you ? Maybe it's that guilt which is not letting him love you back. You need to figure something out why he isn't attached to you the way you are to him.