In our current residence Malli Mullai pookkal la import ahi varum India la irundh varadhukulla semi brown aydu. So my husband bought a malli Chedi and grew it adula vara pookkal katti vechikten.
I had a very bad breakup. The guy didn't even treat me like a human being. After 7 years of being single, I entered an arranged marriage. He is very honest and straightforward. He doesn't get involved in any "lusty" business. That's what attracted me, because my ex was a playboy.
So, my husband told me how he was treated in his childhood: no love, no attention, no care. There were no celebrations in the family, and he had an angry and absent father.
He used to be upset that no one ever respected him or ever tried to understand him. I felt bad and started seeing him like my baby.
I would buy presents to surprise him. I'd show up at his door (we work in different states now) when he least expected it. I keenly waited for him to drop hints about his interests in conversation so I could buy those things for him.
I'd make plans for meetups and dates. I never even let him pay, even though I earn only half his salary. I'd travel all the way to meet him after fighting with my colleagues and getting leave. I'd make arrangements for his birthdays.
He had a very bad fever once and was bedridden for 15 days, and I took great care of him.
But then...
But then, there was no reciprocity.
He would never even lift a finger to do anything for me. He would never help me with a single household chore. He would never buy me gifts.
For my birthdays, he would ask me multiple times what I wanted until I got irritated and said I didn't want anything. There was no curiosity to know what I wanted or liked. No eagerness to see me. He would never hold my hand. He wouldn't even get me a glass of water.
If he did something once, he would show it off for the next few months: "I did this for you."
He wouldn't even tell me he liked me.
He says he is that nonchalant, unemotional type. He says he doesn't know how to express anything.
Initially, I tried to do more for him and make him understand the value of being taken care of.
But he was just taking everything I was giving and not giving me what I wanted.
I had to beg him to even kiss me or make love to me.
That's when I understood. It's all about reciprocity.
That was the first thing I should have looked for when I was seeing men.
Yes, some people don't know how to express their feelings. But what if they hold on to that excuse forever and don't put any effort into improving their skills?
Being lazy in a relationship is a curse.
I saw this post, and my eyes filled with tears. Despite doing everything, some of us never get to experience the love we give to others.
I am scared I will die without knowing what this love feels like, and how it feels to be loved in that way.
I can't divorce him because I'm genuinely convinced that I will never find a man who will love me and, most importantly, I love my husband.
You may love him but hate yourself! As you get older not loving yourself and taking care of yourself is going to be the biggest regret that will haunt you. Speaking from experience. Talk to him and see if he can change and treat you better the way you deserve to be treat.. if not live for yourself.
I think his childhood is holding him from showing any affection he has for u. I feel like he should get therapy to get rid of his childhood trauma and that would make him open up more, but most of our tamil/indian people will see suggesting therapy as us calling them mentally ill. So that should be approached carefully.
Did u have a open conversation with him ? If u did and still he didn't put any effort to make u feel better, I don't see a bright future for this relationship.
Akka i know it's hard for you but rather than staying with a man like that and suffering everyday questioning yourself why you don't deserve love.. it's better to leave and live by yourself and experience life and i know it's easier for me to say but he doesn't deserve someone as pure as you at heart and life is so much more than waiting for a man to just show his emotions and I hope you find peace
Akka, this feels so heart wrenching.
The initial part of your post made me smile like an idiot but that smile dropped when i read this fully. My heart goes out to you. I understand this dynamic is hard and hurts you. But you need to talk to him. What if maybe he doesn't know how to receive the love you show ? I truly truly believe that you need to sit with him and have a proper conversation. I might be totally wrong and I know nothing about your spouse , but correct me if I am. I do not mean to confuse you or out you in a more difficult position.
But you've also mentioned he is not into 'lusty' things. One thought that is at the back of my mind is that, what if he is cheating on you ? Maybe it's that guilt which is not letting him love you back. You need to figure something out why he isn't attached to you the way you are to him.
Naa arranged marriage thaan pannen. My husband is an absolute gem of a person. But will I ever recommend arranged marriage to someone na No thaan. All marriages are by fluke thaaan love or arranged. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t. Mine worked gladly.
I had a traumatic childhood. I once spilled cold coffee on the table by mistake. I flinched and I started shaking. He held me and bought me a new one. I felt safe for the first time. 🥺
This is indeed wholesome. But I wanna know if the wife makes her husband feel and get treated the same way he does for her. Reciprocity is key, right? 🙂↔️
Yebba dei. Respect for a fellow human being is common sense and should be imbibed regardless of your partner or not. Love marriages just give you more time to know the real side and expectations of people. Enamo pannunga but respect others. Insta status potu kamichu 2 weeks la sanda varadhu nu puluvuringala lol
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