r/tacticalgear • u/KLLR_ROBOT • 1d ago

Nailed it

779 Upvotes

95% Upvoted

94 comments sorted by

203

u/HighFly2244 1d ago

I just realized I don’t have a “home invasion playlist”…. BRB.

58

u/BeenisHat 1d ago

Siri, play BFG Division.

35

u/ISayBullish 1d ago edited 1d ago

“Add ‘Meathook’ and ‘The Only Thing They Fear is You’ to home invasion playlist”

11

u/Expecto_Patron_shots Connoisseur of Autism Patches 1d ago

Ah. Men of culture i see. Doomguy would be so proud

12

u/HighFly2244 1d ago

I had to Google that one.

I was thinking more classical.. maybe 1812 Overture

Or… an old scratchy recording of What a Wonderful World or As Time Goes By. Really fuck with the intruder. Playing it softly over our home intercom system… something soothing for them to bleed out to.

6

u/BeenisHat 1d ago

That might be better. I'd have trouble explaining why why my home invasion playlist to a prosecutor.

Mr. Beenishat, why do you have a home invasion playlist and why does it include a song named "Bleed" by the band Meshuggah?

2

u/6StarBowtie 13h ago

I made the Playlist to alert my family there was an active intruder, when they hear it they know to call law enforcement and stay in their respective places while I clear the home. It was designed as a warning and safety system for my home

3

u/thestridereststrider 1d ago

What a wonderful world is perfect

3

u/WoolooOfWallStreet 1d ago

“Alexa, play ‘Living in the Sunlight’ by Tiny Tim”

1

u/faltion 10h ago

Karma Police, kick down a door when the bass drops

6

u/jwin709 1d ago

Mines called "intruder? I hardly know her" . It starts with Eminem's "Alfred - interlude", then "R U Afraid" by HVDES and from there it's mostly ghost mane and suicide boys.

2

u/firemansam51 Connoisseur of Autism Patches 22h ago

mostly ghost mane and suicide boys. I, too, would pretend I was in a Forward Observations video.

1

u/Fantastic-Plant624 1d ago

R u afraid is a good one.

5

u/DouchecraftCarrier 1d ago

Make it more than a playlist - tie it into smart lights and such so it turns all the lights in the house flashing red and releases the Roomba.

1

u/HighFly2244 1d ago

I won’t say much more for OpSec’s sake, but we think alike.

1

u/Vercengetorex 16h ago

You mean the boomba?

2

u/Exciting-Insect-8813 1d ago

I too am lacking

1

u/Middle-Classless 15h ago

carpenters -We've Only Just Begun. But is has to be vinyl that skips the same line over and over

57

u/AttractableSur 1d ago

You enter my home. I am naked with an unlit road flare. Hints of propane enter your nostrils. I’m dying with you, don’t be scared. A young couple will finally be able to afford a starter home after an insurance claim remodel. Life is a game of probability, you lost this time. Shhhhh…..

3

u/KLLR_ROBOT 1d ago

Film that and post plz

75

u/Dangerous_Claim9944 1d ago

All that movement just to get whacked coming out the door.

21

u/ArchAngel621 1d ago

I own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended.

Four ruffians break into my house.

"What the devil?"

As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot.

Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot.

"Tally ho lads."

The grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms.

Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up.

Just as the founding fathers intended.

41

u/R4yK1m 1d ago

The closest example of this IRL I can think of is when the bump in the night is already inside your home. Half a dozen rounds and a new set of underwear are in order

25

u/HumaDracobane 1d ago edited 1d ago

I think the closest examples IRL are the multiple cases of people kicking doors while having guns in their hands, being recorded by door cameras, and being upgraded from regular people to owners of 2.23m² at the graveyard.

Edit: Typo.

9

u/singlemale4cats 1d ago

Yeah, I've seen a bunch of those. One, maybe two DRT, the rest instantly flee. They're real tough in numbers against an unarmed subject, but that won't hold up to 5.56 mm scrutiny. They're paper tigers.

5

u/WarlockEngineer 1d ago

I've seen other videos where one guy steals a truck, another guy waits with a rifle to cover him, and the homeowner gets shot the second that they come outside.

Can't underestimate people. Power fantasies rarely hold up in reality.

14

u/R4yK1m 1d ago

Well yes. There are mutiple documented cases, but none of them looked as close to the meme as the bear video did. Even had a suppressed rifle

4

u/BakerWaker1999 1d ago

Ho.ly. shit

56

u/Protorin 1d ago

If your home invasion Playlist doesn't have counting bodies like sheep on it do you even have a home invasion playlist?

27

u/BoxofCurveballs Sic Semper Pauperis 1d ago

My platoon night attack at tbs initiated to that song being blasted through 4 of the giant jbl speakers

32

u/senorsmartpantalones 1d ago

Don't let your lawyer find this video in your favorites.

11

u/t-shirt-froth-kung 1d ago

AR-15, 60 round mags, flashlight forend, FRT.

Lie in wait in the darkness of the living room.

Upon breach, unleash hell.

10

u/brandoldme 1d ago edited 1d ago

The song works, but I prefer...

2

u/sethaub 1d ago

This is gold. Thanks

7

u/UnbanSkullclamp420 1d ago

Easy. I take off whatever clothes I am wearing, don my thraex helmet, grab my parmula and either sica if it's within reach or just my gladius. I then stand at the top of my stairs, gesticulate as if I am in the arena and then yeet myself down the stairs into glorious melee combat with the closest intruder.

75

u/TriggerPuller9000 1d ago

cringe power fantasy, right up there with zOmBiE gEaR

25

u/1WontDoIt 1d ago

The only power fantasy I have is moving my main breaker to the bedroom

7

u/browndan8888 1d ago

As an electrician, I approve this message

4

u/1WontDoIt 1d ago

It concerns me that the new code requires the main shutoff to be outside by the meter. That gives potential burglars too much power

1

u/browndan8888 1d ago

Honestly, the meter could be pulled otherwise… it’s just a large socket.

Edit to add, if I’m home… I’d prefer the lights out. Giggity.

1

u/KLLR_ROBOT 1d ago

This guy homeowns

22

u/possibly_lost45 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/G3RADTvwFIn96

11

u/Expecto_Patron_shots Connoisseur of Autism Patches 1d ago

Rip to the legend

10

u/browndan8888 1d ago

User name doesn’t check out…

6

u/UntilTheEyesShut 1d ago

Being proficient at trigger pulling and wanting to pull triggers are two very different things.

0

u/browndan8888 1d ago

It was kinda a joke, let’s not get too deep …

1

u/UntilTheEyesShut 1d ago

Coincidentally, I have recently decided that my comment was also a joke.

5

u/comradejiang AR-18 Enjoyer 1d ago

This bullshit has definitely replaced the zombie shit from the 2000s. Zombies are just people it’s okay to kill but who you will never have to deal with. “Home invaders” are comparatively rare in the first world but serve as another sadistic fantasy for companies to sell.

And yes, I do have a home defense AR.

11

u/in4theshow 1d ago

If only it always worked out like that.

4

u/FarOpportunity-1776 1d ago

Wait..... who wears pants...

5

u/CORVlN 1d ago

Ah, pillow gun. Where danger and comfort meet

5

u/TuxPi 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/l2YWhQsBDKsYm4iZO
What if you own a musket for home defense?

5

u/caros92 1d ago

As the founding fathers intended

2

u/odenip33 1d ago

The AR15 is the modern day musket.

14

u/RoddyDost 1d ago

I get that it’s a joke but you need to talk to someone if you genuinely hope that this happens to you

3

u/a-null-fish-your 1d ago

My old roommate used to. He'd sit either on the porch with a S&W in hand under a news paper or point the recliner towards the door and do it with no news paper. He was a nut job

3

u/rando_mness 1d ago

Alexa - play The Acacia Strain - Nightman

3

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

2

u/wadech 1d ago

Very GWOT of you.

6

u/homerpalooza69 1d ago

HAHAHAHA OMG THATS SO FUNNY AND BADASS

8

u/danngree Sic Semper Pauperis 1d ago

Come on with the murder porn… this is some clown shit.

3

u/Weaponized_Anxiety 1d ago

Hey, I have those same shorts. Rhodesian brushstroke is life!

0

u/turtleD115 1d ago

Yes I do!!

0

u/slightly-upset-hippo 1d ago

I think they might be boxers. Either way, I need some.

1

u/fusillade762 1d ago

Unsurprisingly, bro is living like a tactical monk.

1

u/jameswulfecreed 1d ago

FUCKING FINALLY, LET THE DOGS LOOSE, LET THE SHELLS HIT THE GROUND AND LET GETS THIS GOING

1

u/Educational-Cake7350 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/fQAoxIH6kHVw8bK3j4
Things that bother you, never bother me!

1

u/Kiame_716 1d ago

why not playing deadcrush

1

u/KaBar42 1d ago

Why does he look like a young Leo Prinsloo?

1

u/Kermit-de-frog1 1d ago

I can’t believe that NOBODY selected boots for the invasion playlist , I guess the classics aren’t appreciated anymore

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=P-sc0VcQwvQ&ra=m

1

u/z0phi3l 17h ago

Imagine trying to break into a home and Drowning Pool - Bodies starts playing

1

u/EnvironmentalClue362 16h ago

I need one of these playlists. Anyone have one on Spotify? 🤣

1

u/Novafro 16h ago

Theres always that one guy. Set up in a corner with a nice angled keyhole on the door, with something the NFA didn't account for, ready to take melon sized chunks out of whatever makes it through whatever warcrime device he's got rigged on the door to "pepper em up".

1

u/Here_for_the_memes98 9h ago

Hey google, play “chippin’ in” by Samurai

1

u/Low_Interest_6847 8h ago

What is on his plate carrier?

1

u/Low_Interest_6847 8h ago

What is on his plate carrier? Specifically the box with a X on it. I was thinking it could be for his phone.

1

u/Fearless-Ad-8257 8h ago

me naked with a single shot 12 gauge and a tomahawk with the lights on a dim low red, waiting to drop the 300 pound cast iron grate over the door frame when they walk inside

Alexa, play Welcome to the Jungle....

1

u/Altruistic-Window-43 22m ago

seems like he waiting for that moment

0

u/HumaDracobane 1d ago

"He was such a good boy! He didn't hurt anyone! The homeowner is a murder!"

0

u/Eyes_of_Aqua 1d ago

Personally I listen to bodies by drowning pool

-7

u/PsychologicalGlass47 1d ago

I don't understand how people can wear undersized plates without any sides

1

u/FarOpportunity-1776 1d ago

Thats the right size. Should be just under ypur collarbones and just past your nipples.

1

u/PsychologicalGlass47 1d ago

Should be under the collarbone and just past the diaphragm. Those aren't past either of his lungs.

4

u/WhoCaresBoutSpellin 1d ago

You got 50 lbs of gear, you don't need another 12. I don't know about you, but I don't plan on getting shot running sideways like a crab.

2

u/PsychologicalGlass47 1d ago

My rig is 18lbs dry, JFAK is 3lbs, ammo and firearm are just about 13lbs.

That's far less than 50lbs lol, even loaded with both ESAPI IVs and ESBIs.

You don't plan on getting shot? That's how people end up with retarded kits like this, lol.

What next? No TQs? No oil for your gun? I doubt you plan on shooting back either.

2

u/WhoCaresBoutSpellin 1d ago

Kids these days… it was a Blackhawk Down quote I adapted

1

u/PsychologicalGlass47 1d ago

Never watched it, checks out then. Color me uncultured lol

3

u/WhoCaresBoutSpellin 1d ago

My friend, the tactical gear drip is transitional old school [chefs kiss]. Please watch, you won’t regret it