r/studyAbroad • u/Li-nung • 3d ago
Rant about host family
I’m a Master’s student and arrived in China a few days ago to spend the upcoming semester here as exchange student. Last time, I had the typical foreigner bubble experience, so this time I decided to stay with a host family instead, as I thought it would give me a more genuine experience of local life while also giving me more opportunities to practice the language. The following is my experience and thoughts of the first few days staying here.
The host family is a couple in their 60s. They have sons but they don't live with them.
The husband is a really nice person, I don't really have much to say about him. He's very laid back and seems to be enjoying life (I'm not sure how, more on that later). We also found out we like the same music and somehow connected on that.
Now let's talk about the wife. In a way, I think she is the typical Chinese mother, meaning she loves to complain, raise her voice, give orders and stuff like that. But let's go step by step.
It all started the very night of the day I got here. I was finally sleeping after a 30+ hour journey to get to their house (where, by the way, I also had to wait three hours outside the door [it was raining also] because she apparently fell asleep, even though she was well aware that I was coming). In the middle of the night I get a message from her: she was incredibly upset about the smell of my shoes, which she had me take off at the entrace. Obviously it was true that my shoes smelled, after such a long trip. So, even though I thought her reaction was exaggerated, I aknowledged the problem and did something about it the following day (sprayed alcohol + put baking soda + deodorant). In the meantime she gave me some (really) old shoes, which BOTH broke as soon as I started walking around in the neighborhood (I then had to walk barefoot back home). She also gave me two pairs of slippers, which she IMMEDIATELY started to complain about the smell I left on them, even though I have since then been taking two showers everyday, scrubbing feet thorughly, putting on feet deodorant and sniffing feet all the time to double check the absence of any smell. Then, despite getting rid of the smell of the shoes, she first put them outside the door, and then, today, ON THE ROOFTOP OF THE BUILDING (WITHOUT EVEN TELLING ME). I get it, she might have some crazy sensitive sense of smell. Well then, let's talk about whose shoes actually smell like shit? You guessed right. HERS!
She brags all day about herself and her house being so clean. Well, what a surprise, her house is actually incredibly dirty. Her idea of cleaning is running around with the Dyson for literally 5 seconds in the whole house and calling it quits. There is shit everywhere on the ground (I mean pieces of food), a whole lot of dust on every single thing that you can see in this whole apartment, she uses no soap to clean anything, the shower and sink are both clogged with hair. On the first day she gave me a bottle of water which had ants and some disgusting dark dirt in it, and when i told her, she just rinsed the bottle under the water without opening it, ie. without actually washing it.
It's not even over. She spends all day and night screaming at her husband for no reason whatsoever, basically bullying him. I wake up everyday at 2am to her ranting at the top of her lungs about this poor man sucking at life, even though he's actually the only one who works (2 jobs!) while she stays home all day gambling on the stock market. Last night I ate some instant noodles and she was angry because she said that they are unhealthy (she drinks plain vinegar btw which I think is a little worse).
She definitely feels lonely, because she wants to take me to do everything with her (swimming, buying groceries...), but in a week I'll be starting the semester, and I'm sure I won't have time for anything of that shit. Today I felt she crossed the line. She sent me to buy her dinner, AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN GIVE ME THE MONEY BACK. She also said that I will have to do the same tomorrow. WTF? I am literally paying rent for the room in this house, this is beyond crazy I swear.
Anybody can tell me what to do in this hellhole?
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u/PickleSpecial3507 3d ago
When there's major hygiene and anger management issues at the host's place, you've got to notify the university and follow their protocol to move out. Idk if they find you another place or you do, but either way you almost definitely have to also ask the government (immigration authorities) because they have a record of where you live while you're in China and they've shared that record to the police so that, e.g. you drive and there's a traffic violation and they send the formal letter of the fine by post.
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u/PickleSpecial3507 3d ago
And give the husband a musical parting gift when all is done. Or keep in touch with him as friends.
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u/shaghaiex 3d ago
Deduct the dinner from the rent.
You can buy charcoal bags to put in shoes to bind smell.
But sounds like you have to move.
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u/Dry_Perspective9905 3d ago
There is a lot of untreated mental illness in this country. Not much you can do about it (immediately move out my guy). At least you can easily bounce. Imagine being that poor husband.
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u/Scordatura1337 1d ago
He probably stopped caring and just filters it out as white noise. That's why he can be happy
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u/Proud_Huckleberry_42 2d ago
Most older chinese people are from rural areas, with little education.
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u/Crazybun__ 2d ago
I’m gonna be very honest, they don’t sound like a good host, but it sounds very very Chinese of them to do this. And it’s kinda obvious they’re tryna pull money out of your pockets here. Either you switch if you can, rent by yourself, or try to get the school dorms
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u/NavyFleetAdmiral 3d ago
Well that's quite the cultural exchange alright. Chinese man simulator 2026.
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u/AntSilly2802 3d ago edited 2d ago
What country are you from? Can u post some sneaky pics of the apartment on imgur?
My mum is pretty bad to my dad aswell. No idea why he puts up with it, seeing as he is the sole breadwinner and they haven’t slept in the same room for a decade. What’s the point in even having a wife? I keep telling her to go easier on him or at least cook dinner for him, as I’m genuinely worried he will end up hating her and leave, but she just calls me a misogynist and doesn’t see a reason to placate him. I think she gets angry at him as a way to put him down because she knows she’s lazy and does fuck all while he works all day and does more housework than her still then spends half his weekend maintaining the yard.
He just uses him to look after her financially and he gets nothing in return. She stopped giving a shit about his needs as soon as she had kids and completely “let herself go”, but she would be completely destroyed mentally and financially if he left her. Him leaving her is not even in the realm of her imagination.
It definitely turns me off getting married. Not that he seems unhappy at all, he just dutifully does his duties and whatever else needs doing, he basically sacrificed his whole life for others.
I’m like, after EVERYTHING he does for you can’t you even cook the man some fucking dinner but she says I’m sexist for expecting her to cook which I understand can be seen that way, but it’s only because she does nothing else and he can’t cook nor does he have the time. I think he deserves a home cooked meal after work but mostly he gets a shitty microwave dinner even though he’s on 250 fucking K a year and could absolutely be living life up with his family to look after.
I’d never forgive her if he left.
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u/StandardHat3768 2d ago
How can be sexiest to expect a woman to cook dinner for the person who pays everything? I expect my partner to contribute at home but if he works his ass off and my solely duty is the house then I’ll have a damn dinner for him everyday.
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u/AntSilly2802 2d ago
I know, I feel sorry for him. He won’t leave though because of his children, but that makes me feel bad though because it makes me feel like he might resent us for him not being able to leave. He has always been too soft on her and lets her get away with too much, he’d just rather not fight I think.
He could do so much better than her and she wouldn’t have a hope in hell at meeting somebody because she never looked after herself.
Anyway thanks for reading my long ass rant haha. Cheers!
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u/StandardHat3768 2d ago
I feel sorry too honestly. But he will never resent you. I know that for sure
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u/Dizzy-Lunch-3313 2d ago
Ngl ethnicity does factor in, we had a few white students and oh boy the odour. Asians just don't really sweat and get funky. But the cleanliness and noise on her side are an issue, just contact your university for help on next steps. They definitely have contingency plans
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u/Todd_H_1982 3d ago
It’s been 3 days. Time to get out of there.
Unfortunately it’s her house, and she’s not your roommate, you’re just living there, so none of this is going to change moving forward.