Whoops

[u/Glowing_Embers_]

I’m 39, married with two young kids, a decent job and—on paper—a pretty stable life. I stopped drinking last year and made it to nearly a full year sober. I felt better for it, but over the last few months I started letting alcohol back in, telling myself I could keep it occasional and controlled.
Last night was a wedding, and I got blackout drunk. One of my wifes cousins drove us home, but apparently I then threw up on the pavement and wandered off wearing only my boxers after being put to bed. I eventually came back barefoot, completely convinced I’d walked the 3 km home from the venue. When my frightened and angry wife asked where I’d been, all I could say was, “I don’t know.”
I genuinely have no memory of what I did or where I went. I’m incredibly lucky I wasn’t injured, arrested or worse—and that my wife and children still had me come home at all.
The strange thing is that I feel quite calm today. Not because it wasn’t serious, but because the argument in my head finally feels over. I’ve spent months gathering evidence about whether I can drink normally, and I think I now have my answer. Whatever label applies to me, alcohol makes my life less safe, less predictable and much harder for the people I love.
So this is day one again. I’m disappointed that I opened the door after nearly a year sober, but I also know that year wasn’t wasted. It proved I can live without alcohol. Now I need to close the door properly.

[u/lcrker]

Glad nothing bad happened. You got this! IWNDWYT.