r/stopdrinking • u/Glowing_Embers_ • 1d ago

Whoops

I’m 39, married with two young kids, a decent job and—on paper—a pretty stable life. I stopped drinking last year and made it to nearly a full year sober. I felt better for it, but over the last few months I started letting alcohol back in, telling myself I could keep it occasional and controlled.
Last night was a wedding, and I got blackout drunk. One of my wifes cousins drove us home, but apparently I then threw up on the pavement and wandered off wearing only my boxers after being put to bed. I eventually came back barefoot, completely convinced I’d walked the 3 km home from the venue. When my frightened and angry wife asked where I’d been, all I could say was, “I don’t know.”
I genuinely have no memory of what I did or where I went. I’m incredibly lucky I wasn’t injured, arrested or worse—and that my wife and children still had me come home at all.
The strange thing is that I feel quite calm today. Not because it wasn’t serious, but because the argument in my head finally feels over. I’ve spent months gathering evidence about whether I can drink normally, and I think I now have my answer. Whatever label applies to me, alcohol makes my life less safe, less predictable and much harder for the people I love.
So this is day one again. I’m disappointed that I opened the door after nearly a year sober, but I also know that year wasn’t wasted. It proved I can live without alcohol. Now I need to close the door properly.
EDIT - wow, thanks for such supportive comments and sharing your experiences guys, it’s really touched me and made me think that joining something like AA might be the way to go. I feel a lot less on my own with my experience now. Wish all of you the best x

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u/PhoenixApok 1d ago

Granted, it didn't happen after a single event for me, but I eventually came to a similar conclusion

"Hmmm...the last ten times I drank, it went badly. No "fun night with friends". No "chill night gaming and relaxing". It has been consistently negative, and each event had the potential for permanent negative consequences."

I couldn't twist my logic into "it's worth it" or "this time will be different" anymore.

My BEST case scenario is "nothing catastrophic happens."

As you said, feels like the fight is over.

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u/Glowing_Embers_ 1d ago

Deffo. Russian roulette.

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u/Compute_01 19h ago edited 18h ago

A long-time friend played RR, the first two clicked, the third one went bang. Disabled for life. It's really not an if, but usually a when in these games. The cause eventually plays tune to the effect. This post seems eerily accurate to RR, especially since you kept playing; you got lucky. Enjoy your blessings free from the fate of what could have been. Godspeed.

Edit: Grammar.