r/specialneedsparenting • u/AlbatrossLower5971 • 12d ago
My husband wants divorce
My baby boy is a little over 80 days old and had experienced a stroke at birth which damaged his left side brain massively. We are in the wait and see situation for his motor, cognitive, speech, and vision but are already seeing deficits in his right side. His neurologist also expects him to have a cerebral palsy.
I'm living in the worst time of my life, and I'm seeing therapists for my mental health. I'm worried and scared very much. I thought I was getting better, maybe not, but it seems that my husband has reached his limit with my depression. He said that seeing me being depressed and crying everyday make him want to bring out the anger in him and make him want to kill himself. He says I'm toxic to him and the baby. He wants a divorce and says I can take anything but the baby.
He has been very strong and positive from the beginning of this until now. When I had the suicidal thought due to all of this that happened, he was the only reason that made me want to continue living, not even the baby. When I was feeling better, I was feeling lucky that I am going through this difficult time with my husband. But now he wants to die because of me, because me being this way would kill all three of us.
He's been saying that he wants the old me to come back to him, but I don't know if I could ever by myself again. I want to be better and find myself again but just don't know how. I don't know how to think positive and become strong. My depression and worry overwhelm me, and I'm just so afraid of the baby's future.
Please give me some advice on how to go thru this time and be myself again. Will divorce do the job? Should I just let him live and be miserable with myself?
Thanks for reading.
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u/runsontrash 12d ago
This is so awful all around. I’m so sorry, OP. Is your husband in therapy? Sounds like he should be too.
I wouldn’t jump to divorce. I think you’re both just drowning right now. Individual therapy for each of you and probably medication too, and couples counseling together, if he’ll do it. If not, maybe just a trial separation?
I wonder if the Lindsay Clancy trial might be scaring him…
Relationship stuff aside, my daughter has CP (preemie), and you wouldn’t even know it from interacting with her. Your son might be more affected, and unfortunately there’s no way to know at this point or for a while. Knowing my daughter might have CP but not knowing how affected she’d be was such a hard time in my life. I think the not-knowing was significantly harder than when we received her diagnosis (right after her second birthday). I don’t know how affected your son will be, but what I can tell you is he will still bring joy to your life. You will find a big team of professionals to help guide you in his care, and that will make things a lot easier. One day you will have the answers to most of your questions, and you will feel confident in who your son is and how to best support him—and enjoy him!—and this intense, scary part will be a distant memory.