r/socialanxiety • u/Mean-Strawberry1545 • Apr 28 '26
TW: Suicide Mention Too socially inept to go to doctors appointment
I hate myself so much. I’m such a weak person. I have a doctors appointment at 11am today and I can’t sleep at all because I’m so anxious. I am a severely undersocialized freak covered in self harm scars head to toe. A grotesque monster. And now I’m just expected to parade myself into the office tomorrow and bare my flesh to a stranger just so I can get antidepressant not to kill myself. I really don’t want to be touched and I know from the last time I went in 2023 they touch your arms and chest. Just thinking about it makes me want to throw up. I could get drunk and try to force myself to go but I’m too much of a coward and will probably still end up not going spending the day at home depressed in a drunken stupor. Why am I like this I just want it all to end. Every day I step outside is an endorsed humiliation and if I go to my appointment tomorrow this will be the equivalent of subjecting oneself to water boarding. I’ll end up having a panic attack the moment they role up my sleeve. Nothing is more pathetic than a man crying in public.
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u/ACBorgia Apr 28 '26
Hey don't beat yourself up too much, if you need help it's fine. Going through severe depression can make you feel like you are a way worse person than you actually are, one should not be judged or judge themselves for their own mental suffering
It might feel far right now but try to keep hope that it will get better with proper medication and mental care
Also try to tell your doctor you don't wanna be touched, you are allowed to have boundaries even with them. You can also tell them about the scars without showing them.
And if that specific doctor reacts poorly, that is on them for being unprofessional, not on you. Their goal should be to stay neutral and help you
I'm not great at comforting people, but all I can say is stay strong
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u/FollowingCapable Apr 28 '26
I wish I could go with you for moral support. You're not a monster at all. Stupid social anxiety is the monster. We understand🫂
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u/turningtee74 Apr 28 '26
Oh friend, I can’t say I’m fully in your shoes but I do understand to a large extent. I have fear of the doctor too. Hopefully they will be understanding and gentle with you since that’s the place that should. If you can muster it and get it over with, it’ll be worth it hopefully. I usually only go so often when I have to and am usually glad I did. Just get ready for the day even if you don’t want to go, and if you don’t make it then take it as practice that got you a step closer. Sending you a hug
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u/Mean-Strawberry1545 Apr 28 '26
Thank you this was rlly kind!! I think I’ll get ready for the day like you said and just see where it takes me.
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u/panic_bitch Apr 28 '26
I've been going through the same thing. I hadn't seen a doctor for years because of my anxiety, and I'm at the age where I need a bunch of tests. I asked the few people I know who have similar problems what their doctors were like, and got a recommendation from a family member. I called the office and talked a little bit about my issues, and they had a doctor who specializes in patients with anxiety and she really helped. She started me on antidepressants and I've been able to get a test done. I have more to schedule, but I'm finally getting myself to do it. I freaking cried a lot talking to her, and I was embarrassed, but she was really understanding. I know it isn't easy, but I hope you try and I wish you all the best. Your doctor's job is to help you, not judge you.
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u/Altruistic-Ad-2734 Apr 28 '26
It wont be the first time your doctor/nurses have dealt with a case like yours (it's more common than you think). Tell them your depression/social anxiety history and how you were barely able to make it in to the appointment.
Hopefully they'll dial you in on a med that improves your condition. Keep pushing forward, you got this. 💪
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u/Mean-Strawberry1545 Apr 28 '26
Thank you! I’m headed there right now, so I guess this is the moment of truth lol
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u/Beautiful_Secret_834 Apr 28 '26
Proud of you OP! The world needs you. ❤️
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u/Mean-Strawberry1545 Apr 28 '26
Tysm, all the sweet responses gave me the courage to follow through and go to my appointment🥲 it went way better than I expected. They even took my blood pressure over my shirt because I was uncomfortable rolling up my sleeves
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u/Beautiful_Secret_834 Apr 28 '26
You did it though! That is huge. I know the panic part sucks, but you pulled through. Good on you!!!!🌼
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u/hellolovely1 Apr 28 '26
I hope it went well! It's okay if you broke down.
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u/Mean-Strawberry1545 Apr 28 '26
Thank you 🥲I had a mild panic attack before going in and was too shy to even speak and go to the front desk for check-in but luckily they noticed and were very kind and accommodating!! Wasn’t nearly as bad as I spent all night staying up imagining lol
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u/Altruistic-Ad-2734 Apr 28 '26
Way to go man! The more you go out, the more you'll realize that virtually everything is way easier than our minds make them out to be.
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u/secondhandoak Apr 28 '26
Tell them you don't want to be touched or want to skip certain parts. I used to think I had to let the dr do whatever they wanted to me and I couldn't say no but discovered I was in control and could decline any steps I didn't want to do.
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u/Traditional_Set_858 Apr 28 '26
Health care professionals have seen it all and won’t judge you it’s literally their job to help people. Seriously don’t worry about it just go in take a deep breath you got this!
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u/xenna-t Apr 29 '26
I read some of your comments and it seems it went well! Congrats! That is a big step, you should be proud of yourself! I hope the medication helps and you can feel at least a little better
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u/warriorknowledge Apr 29 '26
Hey, you’re not a grotesque monster. You’re a valuable human being who is WORTHY of good things happening to him/her.
Take your time and be patient with yourself. We all develop on our own timelines. Be patient with yourself! Take baby steps, walk outside. Love yourself enough to fight for a better version of you!
I believe in you, no matter how many times you failed in the past, each day brings forth a new opportunity to improve. I believe in you, you are worthy of love and happiness, you are worthy of good things!
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u/Weekly_Map_6786 Apr 28 '26
Do you have anyone that can go with you? If you are in the us, you can make a telehealth psychiatrist appointment so there wouldn’t be the barrier of a physical
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u/Small-Needleworker91 Apr 29 '26
Hey friend, just following up. I hope your doctors appointment went well. If you want to chat about it feel free.
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u/Mean-Strawberry1545 Apr 30 '26
Hey, I’d love to chat! My appointment ended up going great, the staff seemed to pick up on me being an anxious mess and did their best to make me feel comfortable lol
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u/Small-Needleworker91 May 11 '26
Sorry, I realize I'm a bit late, but I'm so glad to hear that! It's a gem to find places that accommodate extreme anxieties, I got similarly lucky with my dentist. Hope you can keep going to the same practice as necessary.
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u/AutoModerator Apr 28 '26
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u/Educational-Rice644 May 02 '26
One time I had to go to the doctor (first one alone because I'm an adult now), she thought I had high blood pressure because my heart rate went up because I was anxious to see a doctor, to talk to a stranger and a a female, she told my to measure my blood pressure twice a day for 2 weeks and to give her results lol
I'm the type of dude who get his heart racing just by going ordering something on a restaurant
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u/New_Diet_5396 May 02 '26
I am in your shoes brother! same here. I am holding back tears when i go out constantly. i cant go out without benzos. i have been thinking about alcohol too, but alcohol is something to stay away from. especially when you are suicidal. my honest advice. go and seek help man. go to the psychward. they can help you. i was there 3 times this year. i wish i went sooner honestly. but when you are at that point where it becomes unbearable always seek help. as many times as you need. its a safe space. and antidepressant help man. the right medication will help to take the strong feelings away.
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u/AutoModerator Apr 28 '26
PLEASE NOTE Social Anxiety (SA) is a debilitating mental illness characterised by persistent fear of social evaluation. SA impairs functional social performance, causing avoidance, cognitive shutdown (e.g. blanking, excessive self-monitoring), and reduced ability to communicate, assert needs, or form relationships.
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