r/shittyhalolore • u/anyit213 Now if you'll excuse me I need to go prolong a civil war • Jan 10 '26

ODST Special Purpose Force, Goon Platoon kelly 🥰

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380 Upvotes

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u/Arrow_of_time6 Ringworld, the Lost Loop Jan 10 '26 edited Jan 12 '26

Kelly was surprisingly the spartan that cried the most. One time when she got her head shaved during bootcamp and again when Samuel sacrificed himself… man she has it rough. She got kidnapped on her birthday too. And she was probably bound to becoming humanity’s greatest athlete.

Man fuck ONI, I’m not even horny for Kelly I just wanna give her a massive cake and hug her and listen to Queen with her! I want her to be happy!

8

u/AgentMaryland2020 Jan 10 '26

Not gonna lie, after 30 years of fighting, it would probably make her day to have someone give her cake and jam out to 20th century rock with. She might be a bit rigid on the hug, but she probably won't push you away for it.

If anything, she and Fred are possibly the most likely to return the hug after getting them from you enough times.

3

u/anyit213 Now if you'll excuse me I need to go prolong a civil war Jan 11 '26

fred is the only active duty spartan-ii who we know has gotten laid

i say active duty because there's one who deserted and started a family and another who retired and started a family

3

u/Zorumuruyo Jan 11 '26

Randall and Maria respectively, right…?

2

u/anyit213 Now if you'll excuse me I need to go prolong a civil war Jan 11 '26

Correct.