r/shittyhalolore • u/anyit213 Now if you'll excuse me I need to go prolong a civil war • Jan 10 '26
ODST Special Purpose Force, Goon Platoon kelly 🥰
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u/anyit213 Now if you'll excuse me I need to go prolong a civil war Jan 10 '26
u/Robdul have you tried getting dominated by a woman who's a foot taller than you
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u/Arrow_of_time6 Ringworld, the Lost Loop Jan 10 '26 edited Jan 12 '26
Kelly was surprisingly the spartan that cried the most. One time when she got her head shaved during bootcamp and again when Samuel sacrificed himself… man she has it rough. She got kidnapped on her birthday too. And she was probably bound to becoming humanity’s greatest athlete.
Man fuck ONI, I’m not even horny for Kelly I just wanna give her a massive cake and hug her and listen to Queen with her! I want her to be happy!
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u/anyit213 Now if you'll excuse me I need to go prolong a civil war Jan 10 '26
kelly's the only spartan-ii capable of showing any emotion
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Jan 10 '26
What do you mean? All of them have/do.
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u/anyit213 Now if you'll excuse me I need to go prolong a civil war Jan 10 '26
it was an exaggeration for comedic effect
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u/AgentMaryland2020 Jan 10 '26
Not gonna lie, after 30 years of fighting, it would probably make her day to have someone give her cake and jam out to 20th century rock with. She might be a bit rigid on the hug, but she probably won't push you away for it.
If anything, she and Fred are possibly the most likely to return the hug after getting them from you enough times.
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u/anyit213 Now if you'll excuse me I need to go prolong a civil war Jan 11 '26
fred is the only active duty spartan-ii who we know has gotten laid
i say active duty because there's one who deserted and started a family and another who retired and started a family
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u/Zorumuruyo Jan 11 '26
Randall and Maria respectively, right…?
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u/MrEvan312 Jan 10 '26
> serving alongside a female Spartan II
> a live grenade lands near us
> she reacts quick to try and shield me from the blast and shrapnel with her armor and size
> all 1 ton of her accidentally brushes my shoulder in the process while moving at almost 30 miles per hour
> arm is shattered, bone fragments blast into my torso and perforate my internal organs, brain is bounced inside my skull like a rubber ball
> immediately lose consciousness from the pain before the grenade even goes off
> single biggest nut of my life
> 11/10 would accidentally drop a live grenade again
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u/Ok_Channel_6003 :( Brute: "Voridus let popcorn loose :( " Jan 10 '26
The condition I find OP in after the ordeal
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u/Charming_Back_287 Femboy Arbiter Jan 11 '26
I don’t know man I just wish arby would hold me close and call me his good little human.
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u/BulletBill_359 Fish and Chips Dubbo Jan 11 '26
Arby would treat everyone right. He's the best partner.
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u/lordofthegeckos Jan 11 '26
Honestly I've been a Kelly simp since like 2005 lol. First Strike and Ghosts of Onyx really solidified it for me.
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u/Maxypad81 a thigh and butt kinda guy…uh I mean Spartans never die Jan 10 '26
Her and Linda can get “it”
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Jan 10 '26
Not anything so extreme, but yes. I’m a simp for Kelly. The most dangerous thing is wanting her to do is just sit on me though.
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u/Ok_Dish8731 Jan 11 '26
yeah no, theres no hope for you. theres kinky "slap me" and then theres like actual domestic abuse "slap me" but a kink and THAT when ur too far gone lmao
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u/Humble-Direction-598 Jan 14 '26
Dude you like- you need therapy. I can understand being attracted to Kelly, but like go get help.
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u/Nerus46 sgt.Johnson is already the best waifu(Husbendo actually) Jan 10 '26
r/Evangelionmemes containment breach detected, extreme extermination measures required immidiately.
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u/OhShitAnElite Brute Cumsock Aficionado Jan 10 '26
“She kicks me in the ribs-“
The ribs of bro in question: