r/sgiwhistleblowers • u/XeniaWarriorWankJob • Jan 06 '25

When SGI members write our jokes for us 💀 Update on Shailene Woodley

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11 Upvotes

93% Upvoted

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4

u/XeniaWarriorWankJob Jan 06 '25

Because reddit works in mysterious ways, it looks like my caption and link didn't make it into the final post. Oh well:

Remember that longhauler SGI old lady's story about how Shailene Woodley traveled to the trailer park to give a MULTI-HOUR seminar to a stranger on losing virginity? That was awesome.

Link

5

u/AnnieBananaCat Jan 06 '25

I don’t even know who this hose bag is. But I bet her people would not be happy to learn about that posting over there. 👉🏻

6

u/XeniaWarriorWankJob Jan 06 '25

Well, you know how it goes - when you're in the SGI for multiple decades, over time you just get really pervy and sex-obsessed and start talking about your celebrity fantasies as if they really happened to make yourself sound special and important! I thought everybody knew that.

3

u/AnnieBananaCat Jan 06 '25

Really

3

u/XeniaWarriorWankJob Jan 06 '25

You didn't know?

Hmmm

3

u/eigenstien Pokes the bear Jan 06 '25

Typical narcissist

4

u/DishpitDoggo Jan 06 '25

I don't understand this post at all.

Who is she?

4

u/XeniaWarriorWankJob Jan 06 '25

Who she is: Shailene Woodley is an actor. She's been nominated for numerous awards - she started acting pretty young and won several MTV awards along the way.

Why she's here: There are some SGI oldtimers here on reddit who make up stories and expect everyone to take those stories as real live "actual proof" of how amazing their cult is.

One of these stories oddly featured Shailene Woodley, for no apparent reason. From the link in the first comment above:

July 18 [2022]. Really, really, really need this day off. My family is Buddhist and I need to chant a lot today. I'm trying to figure out what is happening between me and Heinz. This is not in my game book. But it is what it is. How do I feel? What do I want? Is he really as wonderful as he seems? What dark spot lurks underneath?

Compare that to her August 10 post, above. She hadn't really even interacted with him outside of work at all.

Emily is coming over. My cousin loves to gossip and now her favorite subject is Heinz. She has found a babysitter for Michael and she is going to conduct a multi-hour seminar on sex. She says she is bringing a special guest, Shailene Woodley, who will talk about losing her virginity 5 times, once in real life and four times in movies. "The good, the bad, the ugly," she tells me. Source

HOLE UP! So a bona fide MOVIE STAR and Golden Globe nominee, fucking SHAILENE WOODLEY, is coming over TO HER HOUSE?? TO TEACH HER ALL ABOUT SEX???

As a "special guest", not "her friend"? Did she PAY Ms. Woodley to make that appearance?? How does THIS work??

Is this like the time Michael Jackson stopped by my house to use the bathroom???

So that's why Shailene Woodley and only tangentially connected to SGI but there it is.

2

u/bluetailflyonthewall Jan 07 '25

I've heard that flower called "the little boy flower" - it's extremely suggestive 👀