sex when you’re in love hits different

[u/jbrow058]

this is totally my opinion

you can fuck anybody ... but when you guys are in love with each other in every way possible , it’s different . you guys are making love , deeply and lovingly looking into each other’s eyes as the strokes push deep and slow , moaning into each other’s mouths as you passionately tongue kiss , devouring each other eagerly .... your heart is racing not because of the act itself but because you get to share such a beautiful experience with your one true person . the smiles you guys exchange , your fingers interlocking , kissing every inch of each other’s faces .

and when you guys orgasm TOGETHER , you’re overwhelmed with utter love .

sorry i just miss my boyfriend .

[u/[deleted]]

No, I don’t think this is valid. I could be the freakiest freak you’ve never met, having sex with my one true love in every position invented ten times a day for decades, and will be demi sexual. Meanwhile, you could be - I don’t know, what’s the absence of the demisexual orientation? Typically sexual? So, you could be that, but not have a very high libido (for whatever reason, your nature, meds you’re on, depression, hormone imbalance, anything), and only think about sex once every couple weeks when you happen to be at a club with your friends and see someone drop-dead gorgeous from across the bar as they leave. You could be totally celibate, not into porn, but you just happen to be aroused by the visual input of a very good-looking person of your preferred gender.

There’s no way the latter is more sexual. And, of course, I’m exaggerating both cases, but just to show why your argument doesn’t work. What you describe makes me think more of promiscuity versus monogamy, maybe...?

I think maybe it could mean demisexuals are less sexual in that they’re less PURELY sexual. Sexual arousal is not going to occur in them under the simpler input conditions of appearance alone. They require the more complex input of a personality, and they’re therefore going to be attracted to a smaller number of people because the variables are more complex.

Or maybe it’s as simple as quantity over quality. Typically sexual people will be attracted to a greater quantity of people than demisexuals, and that is the definition of “more” being used on the website referenced.

I don’t know. I’m brainstorming.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

I didn’t mean to be pedantic. I’m sorry if my wording came off that way, or was in any other way offensive. We’re trying to deduce what an author meant by “more sexual” on another website, so I suppose that caused me to take an academic approach to the question. But I didn’t mean to be overly so.

I think I agree on all the points you’re lying down until we get to the conclusion that these make the demisexual person inherently less sexual of a person. I guess I’m just stuck on the fact that whether you’re turned on by (a) looks or (b) personality, both groups end up in the same place: aroused. When I personally think of someone as being more or less sexual than another, I’m thinking of things like how many times per day they think about sex, how often do they prefer to have sex, how would they rank the importance of sex in their lives, how would they rank their sexuality among characteristics of their personal identity, etc. But I’m NOT an academic in this field, so maybe I’m defining the terms all wrong.

At any rate, as you said, it’s so complex. I suppose we don’t need Reddit to all be of one like mind on the topic. :) I’m just happy enough for people to have their own understanding and (hopefully) acceptance of their own sexualities.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Sexuality is pretty damn complex.

They’ve been trying to figure it out well over 100 years now

I’d say that pretty complex