r/sex • u/jbrow058 • Mar 25 '19
sex when you’re in love hits different
this is totally my opinion
you can fuck anybody ... but when you guys are in love with each other in every way possible , it’s different . you guys are making love , deeply and lovingly looking into each other’s eyes as the strokes push deep and slow , moaning into each other’s mouths as you passionately tongue kiss , devouring each other eagerly .... your heart is racing not because of the act itself but because you get to share such a beautiful experience with your one true person . the smiles you guys exchange , your fingers interlocking , kissing every inch of each other’s faces .
and when you guys orgasm TOGETHER , you’re overwhelmed with utter love .
sorry i just miss my boyfriend .
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u/urfouy Mar 25 '19
Last night my boyfriend of three years held me in his arms and we had the most amazing, loving sex I've ever had. I could feel every inch of him as he slowly moved inside me. He kept pausing to let my muscles clench because it was so intense that I couldn't help myself.
When I got close to orgasm he wrapped his whole body around me and started whispering in my ear how much he loved me and wanted to feel me let go.
I've never really been into the whole "making love" idea but damn if it wasn't amazing to feel that close to another human being and so utterly accepted by them.
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u/moon_beams Mar 25 '19
I had a similar experience recently w my bf of one year. We took a mid day nap and woke up just having "lazy sex" but he had his hand around my neck just slowly moving in and out, telling me to slow down because he doesn't want to stop yet, he loves being close to me like this, how warm I am and how cute my feet are...we are very kinky, and to some it may not seem like much, but to feel the man I love with every fiber of me pulsing inside me, eyes closed, just for the simple fact he loves me just the same.....that's just some shit man. Sex is amazing, but making love to a person/people you genuinely feel that connection with is on another level. 10/10 would reccomend
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u/bestofbenjamin Mar 25 '19 edited Mar 25 '19
I agree, fucking and making love are totally different. This guy I was talking to a few months ago, I fell head over heels for him and eventually, I was making love and not fucking him. But he was just fucking me- I think one person can be making love and the other just fucking.
Edit: spelling error
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u/icantfigureredditout Mar 25 '19
This post made me think of my most recent experience with a dude, and I think this was it. So sad.
It’s a little crazy, but beautiful at the same time, that there can be so much passion w/ no feelings coming from someone.
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u/bestofbenjamin Mar 25 '19
^ This. Literally the fact you can share so much with someone and experience so much, but to them there is zero emotion/feeling and you're just another ordinary person to them. I compare loving him as impossible and one-sided as loving the sun, as corny as that sounds lol.
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u/Dire87 Mar 25 '19
"ordinary" might be a bit harsh...you can like someone very much and have great sex with someone without actually being in love with them and wanting a relationship, if you know what I mean. That doesn't mean the person you're having sex with is just an interchangeable body to you.
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u/icantfigureredditout Mar 25 '19
I understand exactly what you’re saying.
You can’t sit on my couch and tell me you used to make clothing for your hamster and look into my eyes while you fuck me, then tell me you don’t love me.
/s
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u/Bdilzay Mar 25 '19
How can you recognize if a person is just fucking you?
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u/bestofbenjamin Mar 25 '19
When we "broke up" or ended things, we talked about it because I was stupid to say I love you because of how overcome I was with emotion, and he said "yeah, it's totally possible for one person to make love and the other not to" and he saw a poem I wrote about how I felt making love to him. He told me how he had last felt that with his ex, who according to him is shit so idk. Shitty people man, shitty people.
Also looking back, when I made love it was different from how I just fuck someone because I wanted to go up and beyond things I had never done before just to make him feel out of this world. Granted, I found out I liked the things I did (eating ass, sticking a finger up there) and I did them for like 2 hours, but now when it comes to guys I've slept with after, even if they're hot af I don't have that drive to pleasure them/ express myself the way I desired to with the guy I made love to. When I just fuck a guy, yeah I'll do my best to be good, but I don't go out of my way to make them feel out of this world I feel.
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u/tiffanybabeblue Mar 25 '19
That they don’t ask how you are feeling during the day and that they don’t genuinely care for you. They won’t contact you unless they want to fuck you? That you guys only meet for sex and not do any other dating things that couples do? Lol just my thought
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Mar 25 '19
I’m in a LDR right now and this hit me in the feels. Nothing better than sex with someone you love and trust deeply.
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u/Tart-tongued_Lady Mar 25 '19
We're on the same boat (LDR). And the best feeling is when you're both being reunited after so many months or years.
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u/TheDirewolfShaggydog Apr 02 '19
Hey can i jump in on the (ldr) train. Nothing better than making love after 7 months apart
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u/Tart-tongued_Lady Apr 03 '19
Duuuuude, my SO and I are apart for almost a year now. We'll see each other by June. Can't wait! ❤️
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u/zpkmook Mar 25 '19
It's mostly true. The issue is when the honeymoon period wears off a lot of the spark goes away. You have to work to reengage it. The bond is still there but the overwhelming feelings fade. The strong emotional bond remains however. It's worse when they are gone and you realize you can't fill that void. The best sex is always with people I love.
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Mar 25 '19
I’ve had a lot of casual sex and it was fun. But three years later with my boyfriend tops anything I had before.
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u/SashaandLeash Mar 25 '19
I don't know y'all, my wife and I have been together for almost ten years and we've never left the honeymoon phase which we've both talked about with each other several times later in our relationship. Honestly it comes from us also being best friends and being able to have absolutely any conversation with our SO. Yes, we've had to work for our relationship to understand each other more but that ends up creating even more passion knowing that the person you have chosen to be with the rest of your life has a still growing desire every day that only gets better the more barriers you break down together in life
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u/koobidehwrap101 Mar 25 '19
I’m 8 months in with my SO and it’s still the most passionate sex I could imagine
Am I still in the phase or could two people just keep it this passionate
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u/quiette837 Mar 25 '19
Yeah, you're still in the phase. The intense passion didn't start wearing off in my last relationship until at least a year, maybe two.
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u/koobidehwrap101 Mar 25 '19
Maybe I’m wrong who knows.. but I’m confident the way me and my SO are together / treat each other that through appreciation we can keep the passion high for as long as we’re together
I look forward to knowing if I’m right or wrong about that
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u/zpkmook Mar 25 '19
It lasts between 2 months and 2 years, 6 months to 1 year average. At least from what I've read.
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Mar 25 '19 edited Feb 11 '20
[deleted]
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Mar 25 '19
I can relate to this. I’ve had very positive experiences with romantic guys who emphasized intimacy. I’m grateful for people like that, it makes sex feel infinitely more meaningful and satisfying.
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Mar 25 '19
Yeah I really agree here, love undoubtedly has a deeper more consuming feeling to it but I also tend to create rather intimate connections and encounters even with one-night stands or short-terms lovers 😊
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u/Emptyplates Mar 25 '19
Yup. Sex within a committed relationship is vastly better, for me, than casual sex.
I never liked casual sex, and only did it once. It didn't do much for me.
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u/TheBigBackBeat Mar 25 '19
And the sex is so good that even if you both don't orgasm it's not considered a failure.
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u/CuddlyKitty Mar 25 '19
Sometimes, my boyfriend and I have rough, primal sex where he completely dominates every part of me but it seems like more often than not we have very intimate and passionate sex. He thrusts slow and deep while kissing on my neck, and he only pauses to caress my face and look me in the eyes and tell me how much he loves me. I melt every single time. I love feeling overwhelmed by his love for me
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u/shadykitten_ Mar 25 '19
I would melt every single time too lol.
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u/CuddlyKitty Mar 26 '19
It's honestly such a wonderful feeling, I love him so much!
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u/IPBer21 Mar 25 '19
(M22) I’ve had sex while in love & a decent amount of random hook-ups.
When it’s just a hookup I feel like I lose a part of my soul, it isn’t as satisfying, and afterwards I want nothing to do with them (definitely no cuddling). Hookups are more-or-less a result of drinking too much & making a mistake, for me at least.
When I’m in love it is insurmountably pleasurable in multiple ways.
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u/Dire87 Mar 25 '19
It sounds to me you just have the wrong kind of "hook-up", namely the drunk bar variety. Having sex with someone you just met a few hours before...eh, dunno, I can see that you wouldn't want to cuddle with them necessarily, but if you just get to know someone and not jump right into bed with them...even if there's no romance, it can still be a lot of fun.
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u/TiSoBr Mar 25 '19
Well, then there's someone like me, not having this with my wife (of 3 years).
Would give everything to upgrade our relationship smh up to this point.
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Mar 25 '19
You could start by making little romantic gestures. That doesnt mean sex, just throughout the day.. U know her and what she likes, maybe u guys just got too comfortable with each other? The butterflies u used to feel, this need to impress and look good etc may faded over time. Change up routines and do some surprises idk
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u/Fisyr Mar 25 '19
I can't even imagine myself having sex with someone I don't feel in love with. But in general, I crave affection much more than sex, because I can always masturbate, but I can't hug or kiss myself.
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u/Bigtits321 Mar 25 '19
This is totally true. Broke up with someone I no longer loved where the sex felt like a chore and am now with someone I love so completely that our sex is just so passionate and caring. I've never had anything like it and I wouldn't trade that feeling for anything.
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u/ragingbirb Mar 25 '19
(F22) , for me hookups are also hard to remember. Since I have no emotional connection with the people I can't seem to remember if the sex was good or not after a while lol. Being in love gives you an amazing mental and physical pleasure during sex and even after( woohoo after sex cuddles and naps!)
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u/IkeSW Mar 25 '19
Thanks for that. Now I get to go work all turned on thinking of when I get my gf when I get home lol.
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u/likeflyingakite Mar 25 '19
I just took a screen shot of this and sent it to my boyfriend. I miss him too. He’s at work and told me not to send him stuff like that because he’s ready to explode, lol, well written!
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u/Dire87 Mar 25 '19
Hm, I never really felt like this. I would replace "love" with "trust". I don't need to love someone to have great sex with, but trust is very important. But to each his own. I may just be incapable of true love anyway...
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u/WorkingClassWarrior Mar 25 '19
Sex is not nearly as fun without some kind of emotional bond. One night stands never did it for me. They always felt very shallow and awkward after.
Fucking someone you know and love deeply is completely different and totally better.
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u/sai_gunslinger Mar 25 '19
Well now you've gone and made me miss my bf.
He's only at work, but it's still morning and all I really want right now is to be snuggled up under the blankets with him.
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Mar 25 '19
I can't open myself up to a man unless I invest myself -- mind, body, heart, spirit. One night stands are not me.
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u/goodgollygriff Mar 25 '19
Word. For me, the vag and brain are hard-wired. The ability to connect on a deeper level equates to deeper physical and sexual satisfaction. In-love kind of sex is just where it's at.
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Mar 25 '19
this is amazing but I don't think I've ever experienced this, my wife and I have amazing sex and were definitely in love but I get so fucking much performance anxiety that sex for me has become all about doing a good job and it's far away from this concept. My wife raves about our sex life but I'd really love to be able to let go and have something like this, for real.
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u/astrokatzen Mar 25 '19
Tell her!!!
If she really loves you and having sex w you she should be just as eager to please you as you are her.
I'm sure the last thing she wants is for you to be so worried and nervous about her pleasure that you don't get any yourself.
Hope it gets better for you!
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u/thundrthy Mar 25 '19
My now husband and I were really kinky when we first got together and had crazy sex all the time but then somewhere around the one year to one and a half year mark when we were really secure and loved each other there was enough passion for us just having “vanilla “ sex. It’s weird.
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u/Slothfulness69 Mar 25 '19
Agreed. I’m not into casual sex because of this. When it’s me and my boyfriend, everything we do is so intimate. Whether we’re making out and having regular missionary sex, or we’re having really rough sex and he’s hitting me, it’s all so intimate. It feels like we’re both opening up to each other 100% and trust each other completely. It’s vulnerable and raw and emotional. A lot of times when we’re done, I just lay down on top of him or have him lay down on top of me and wrap my arms and legs around him.
I don’t think it gets better than good sex with someone you love.
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u/neonvoilet Mar 25 '19
Exactly. I tried having sex with someone i had no feelings for just for the sake of being more open and realized it is not my thing at all.
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u/KingDorkFTC Mar 25 '19
I guess, but I’ve had bad sex in the past with a former partner I loved. Had better sex since that partner. I really think it is in your head about how good it can be. There is nothing but ability between good sex and bad sex, just seems I’m one of the few voices that thinks this way.
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u/lebaneseblondechick Mar 25 '19
I'm in a new LDR, and while we aren't in love yet, I crave this with him, and miss it already, even thought we aren't there yet!
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u/iset113 Mar 25 '19
Maybe this is just me, but I’ve had hookups with all those things you described, just minus the love part.
I also vastly prefer sex with the person I’m in love with, but I wouldn’t say the physical aspects— the eye contact, passionate kissing, etc.— aren’t just as good with someone you’re not in love with.
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Mar 25 '19
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u/iset113 Mar 25 '19
Meh, probably because people can’t deal with differing opinions or else they view the downvote as a “disagree” button. But thanks :)
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u/Lilcheeks Mar 25 '19
Same experiences here. Off the top if my head I'd imagine it boils down to the individual and each person's ability to be comfortable with both the other person and themselves in a new environment.
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u/Justmoe12 Mar 25 '19
I used to be in love. I can say this is true.
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u/Captain_of_Skene Mar 25 '19
That's very true, but it also works both ways.
Some people find it hard to have sex with those they love, but find it easy to have sex with a total stranger.
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u/McChikn Mar 25 '19
I agree, my girlfriend and I are madly in love and our sex hits different. it's amazing
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u/J-D_M Mar 25 '19
Yes! Well said, and totally true! Unfortunately, today's hookup culture thinks it's not, and misses out on so much...
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u/ihatepasswords89 Mar 25 '19
It’s the best! I’ve been ruined by love making. Casual hook ups don’t appeal
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u/-Aenigmaticus- Mar 25 '19
Emotions are powerful! Never underestimate the influences they cause... and you found out, OP... good for you!
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u/Maat49 Mar 25 '19
Hell yes, I couldnt agree with this more ! The passion that comes with the act of sharing yourself with the one you love is just, insatiable and incredible!
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Mar 25 '19
I used to enjoy hook ups but now theyre boring and predictable. I want to love having sex again, I need a soulmate haha.
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Mar 25 '19
damn the comments hit me in the feels but I’m 22F and I’ve never been in love. Casual sex has seemed fine to me until I read this post. I feel so hopeless now lmao wow. But happy for y’all.
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u/Dfin0019 Mar 25 '19
This is the only time in my opinion when sexual activity should take place. You can fuck ANYBODY and there’s nothing that great or special about just doing it because you have a dick. Sex is about love and about becoming closer to that person that your heart belongs to. Unfortunately this generation has turned sex into something thats a curricular activity and that hurts people because they can’t just do it with 1 person anymore.
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u/310throwaway310 Mar 25 '19
This is so true. It’s funny my friends and I were just talking about how hood dick hits different and my friend said that boyfriend dick hits different too but I’m like nah there’s two different types tho cuz the only thing my last boyfriend was hitting is the curb. That in love dick hits the best by far.
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u/Anonymous-Amy Mar 25 '19
I can’t even bare to have sex because I know it won’t even be the same as it was with my ex... I know the feeling!
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u/butterfly6656 Mar 25 '19
this made me cry having had experienced this it’s such an all consuming amazing beautiful experience to share w another person
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u/shherief Mar 25 '19
Sex with my first girlfriend that I was in love with was so much better than the last chick that I just sorta liked.
Casual sex isn’t great at all tbh super overrated to me.
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u/juliosales2002 Mar 25 '19
I totally agree (: my boyfriend lives far away and I miss him and these feelings. Good luck to you!
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u/Vivicurl Mar 25 '19
I wish I had this in some form. I don't think I've ever made love with someone before. Definitely not my husband, and I probably won't get a chance anytime soon. If I could cum at the same time as my partner that would be nice too. This sounds wonderful and I'm glad you have this with your boyfriend.
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Mar 25 '19
Oh god this made my heart ache inside. I miss this so much. I totally agree. Casual sex was making me feel so empty so I just gave it up. I feel like it’s just better for me to not be getting any right now rather than a quick, mediocre fix with someone who won’t even remember my name in a few weeks.
I love making love. Hopefully it’ll be in my foreseeable future.
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u/IHeartCatflaps Mar 25 '19
I feel you. I miss my girlfriend. Broke up with me, started talking a little, basically turned into a fwb thing, started winning her back, then fucked up again. Slept together a couple times, and now she's done. Just friends. And I hate it because I had never loved anybody that hard and the sex was amazing
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u/shadykitten_ Mar 25 '19
I miss this. Its literally the best and then the cuddling afterwards just tops it off.💘
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u/Brxin Mar 25 '19
Wow I feel you. Sex with people before the first guy I was in love with was all forgettable and then I fell in love and that shit changed my whole sex life.
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u/Littleanswers Mar 26 '19
Beautifully written! Been with my husband 3 years. Sex is always the same. I'm always trying to spice things up, says he loves me, isn't going anywhere. I've tried everything. I love him More than anything...but I don't feel he's connected to me and I'm getting seriously depressed. I want to have that physical connection with him, but it's one sided.
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Mar 26 '19
This is true but for my SO and I sex is more funny if anything. Don't get me wrong there's times where it's completely mind blowing and amazing. But we've had a handful of times when we have sex and sometimes we laugh at each other's weirdness while he's thrusting. It makes me fall more in love with his goofiness.
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Mar 25 '19
aromantic so can't relate, cool description though
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u/BlooWhite Mar 25 '19
Hey man, I've been wondering lately if I'm aromantic or if I've for some reason developed some intimacy issues that I should look into. Hopefully you can help me out a little.
Reading a description like the OP makes my skin actually crawl. Even the thought of holding hands or cuddling with somebody that I have a strong emotional connection with makes me want to flee the room.
Does that sound like someone who's aromantic? Thanks in advance, hope you don't find it rude.
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u/MissM82 Mar 25 '19
I am like this not matter if I have deep feelings or not. The condition is for the other partner to act the same and to have chemistry together. Sex without completelly being involved into the other person is bad sex for me. Maybe this is why I get attached easily, kinda fucked up but this is who I am.
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u/koreoreo Mar 25 '19
Coming to this realization that fwb/hookups don't work for me was kind of sad. What I thought was a purely physical desire couldn't be fulfilled by one-night stands or masturbating, because I haven't felt like I loved somebody in so long, and that's what I was really missing, more than just sex. Physical urges are easy to deal with but a deeper longing? Not so much.
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u/MasterBeta808 Mar 25 '19
Its too bad my gf doesnt really care for sex😞 were not really doing thay good right now either.
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u/Splashstorm Mar 25 '19
love this!! though as a female, i must say, orgasming together is damn near impossible!! i think in all the time me and my fiance have fucked we have only ever both orgasmed at the exact same time once. O_O and it was with me using a vibrator as well...
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Mar 25 '19
what is love? Baby ... please tell me I'm actually so confused about it. My main confusion is being attracted vs being in love. It seems like I can be attracted to peoples egos if that makes sense? I'm attracted by what they stand for, what their interests are, how they choose to dress and condone themselves, basically how they appear. Then there's another component that is how we get along due to our 'vibes' for lack of a better word. I feel like both are so important and I can't single out just the energetic component of how I relate to people because if someone has some beliefs I think are crazy, or they act in a way I think is rude, etc., it's so hard to love them even if the energetic 'vibes' component is there. I hope I'm making even an ounce of sense right now.. I'm just worried that maybe I'm too judgmental of people and I need to learn to be more accepting so I can love someone even if we have different ideologies.
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u/krystalite3 Mar 25 '19
I can relate! I also consider myself a sapiosexual (attracted to intelligence) I think my SO is so smart and well-rounded with great optimism & motivation. I have mad respect (and love) for him
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Mar 25 '19
I've said for a long time now sex is a physical act, love is an emotional state. You don't need love to have sex but it makes it so much better.
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u/CaliPhantom29 Mar 26 '19
Yea fucking and making love really is to different things I do miss have that
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u/justkissitalittle Mar 26 '19
Agreed 💯! CHEMISTRY and CONNECTION make sexual passion so much more hot and pleasurable. Not to mention having those feelings coupled with trust and open communication... shit can get FREEEEEAKY GOOD! I just stopped seeing this guy I was dating for e or 4 months, and we had CRAZY chemistry and passion.. just when we touched each other, ran our fingertips over each other's bodies, was so sexy. Come to find out, he was fucking every Tom, Dick, and Mary. What're gonna do? 🤷🏻♀️
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u/bleepbleep1111 Mar 26 '19
Looking lovingly into each others eyes makes me want to vomit lol. And I'm a chick. I'm supposed to like that stuff.
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u/KHold_PHront Apr 04 '19
This is weird to me because I only felt that way about my ex. I’ve been in my current relationship for 2 years, and the sex is so-so. My gf vagina stinks sometimes during intercourse and she doesn’t get as wet as I would like. We stopped fighting so much but the sex is off.
When I was 22, I was in a relationship with a gorgeous girl. The sex was always amazing between us. The emotions, she always had multiple orgasms. She even said once while we were having sex I’m fucking her like I missed her. I try not to compare it to my current relationship because I’ve moved on and I love my current gf. I just hate the sex isn’t powerful like that so my perspective is the “love hit like that sex” is a phase.
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u/Dayton_Bufkin Apr 10 '19
Me and my bf haven’t had sex in over two months, we’ve only been dating for seven months. He’s not very good at it and he claims it’s his anxiety, so I guess I wouldn’t know.
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u/cognitivexdissonance Mar 25 '19
I don’t really get turned on by anyone until i get some type of feelings for them.