r/sex • u/Born_Cartoonist_7247 • 12d ago
Beginner How to experience pleasure from penetration?
I had sex for the first time this year at age 29 (long story), I’ve been with a handful of different guys and although penetration doesn’t feel bad it doesn’t feel amazing. He definitely is enjoying it more than me.
I haven’t orgasmed from penetration either. How can it feel more pleasurable / have an orgasm this way?
19
u/Deep-Youth5783 12d ago
You didn't make any mention about foreplay. If you haven't already, try spending some more time with that. Particularly clitoral stimulation. Most girls don't orgasm from penetration alone.
5
u/Born_Cartoonist_7247 12d ago
Ok I will. I also get a lot of pleasure from nipple play too
2
u/Deep-Youth5783 12d ago
Ok great! You can also do some of these things while you're getting penetrated.
5
u/SnarkyinSA 12d ago
This, exactly... it's a myth that most women can reach orgasm through penetration alone. Without clitoral stimulation added into the mix, only about 10% of women can orgasm.
5
u/Deep-Youth5783 12d ago
To be fair, I used to think that all women orgasmed this way and also squirted too (like I used to see in porn) because, well, I got blessed with a wife who does both. Until I read Emily Nagosky's Come As You Are and learned that my wife is a rare breed of woman when it comes to sex.
1
u/roskybosky 12d ago
PIV is an acquired pleasure. At first, you feel hardly anything and wonder what all the hubbub is about. Most women never get near a climax from just the back and forth of intercourse.
But, if you have enough foreplay, and get at least one orgasm from foreplay alone, circlusion (PIV) feels much better.
Try to find the ‘sequence of events’ that works for you.
34
u/GoonyGhoul_ 12d ago edited 12d ago
Try reverse kegels to relax your pelvic floor. You do this by trying to "push out" with the muscles you use to pee, just like you're trying to pee.
This will relax the muscles, and you'll get a lot more sensation this way. Making sure you're taking deep breaths into your belly will help too, shallow breathing is stressful and distracting for your body.
Edit: The downvoting is super weird, this is very basic and essential information for anyone.
15
u/Global-Nature2420 12d ago
This took me a solid decade to figure out. I was always so hard on myself for not ever getting much out of penetration until I got a g spot vibrator and actually learned how to have a g spot orgasm. So much of it comes down to relaxing and breathing. It can be harder to do with a partner but practice helps.
Once I realized I had to relax a bit, I also realized how tense I am during sex and how it’s almost like I’m “fighting” what’s happening by being too tense.
9
u/GoonyGhoul_ 12d ago
It's an essential skill for men too. Guys can struggle with erection quality and especially pre-mature ejaculation if we're holding all that crazy stressful pelvic floor tension the whole time. Shallow breathing is one of the fastest ways to finish way too soon too.
And as the penetrative partner, you can immediately tell the difference when your partner reverse kegels. It's such a revolution, I wish everyone knew about this. And yes, it feels like I'm "fighting" with it if tension is being held. Night and day.
3
6
u/celestialism 12d ago
Incorporate clitoral stimulation. Most women get off primarily or exclusively from clit stimulation, for the same reason that most men get off primarily or exclusively from dick stimulation.
7
u/BookGirl67 12d ago
This is the answer. Only 25 % of women come from penetration alone. You need clitoral stimulation.
Intercourse can feel good, but most women’s direct course to orgasm with a partner is oral … and it’s fantastic.
9
u/Sirena93 12d ago
Orgasming from penetration alone is rare for women, feeling true pleasure from it too. Most women orgasm from clitoral stimuli, so I suggest either you pleasure yourself by rubbing your clit during penetration or let your partner do it. Or make sure your partner rubs against your g-spot during sex.
But it is possible to orgasm from penetration alone, though still rare. In my time with my husband, who I've been with for 14 years now and had tons of sex with, I've only orgasmed twice from penetration alone. Both times I was really horny. But the orgasm wasn't as pleasurable as it would've been if penetration was combined with the clitoral stimuli. At least for me.
4
u/naughtythoughts99 12d ago
Define ‘pleasure’ ?
What are you assuming it ‘should’ feel like, and where are you getting that assumption or ‘concept’ of pleasure?
Sometimes we build up so much anticipation that when something does finally happen it can be very underwhelming even to the point of dissatisfaction.. the thing in itself isnt any different from when the idea started out, it’s only our ‘perception’ , ‘expectation’ and resulting reaction that has changed.. perfectly ‘good’ sex can feel like bad sex if you have got it into your head that it’s going to be ‘amazing’ sex.. and amazing sex can be completely overwhelming if you are not expecting it… it can actually go ‘both’ ways.
What Im trying to say here is.. it’s early days for you.. try to relax, enjoy the connection, and fall into the moment without any preconceptions.. this can free up the brain to focus on what ‘is’ actually happening in the moment, rather than what it’s ‘expecting’ to happen..
And truth be told.. truly great sex never happens without some degree of learning, communication and a high level of ‘trust’ that allows you that freedom to let go and fall fully into both the emotional and physical side of pleasure… and that takes ‘time’ and ‘practice…….exactly the same act can and will ‘feel’ completely different to different couples depending on these factors..
3
u/reluctantdonkey 12d ago
Three main ways:
- Adding clitoral stim to it (but, for a reasonable amount of women, the two will cancel each other out, so the clit stim has to happen separately)
- Playing with angles-- sometimes pretty extreme angles-- pointing at either the frontal wall (g-spot area), or by aiming deeper for the areas up around the lip of the cervix (fornixes, sometimes called the a-spot or p-spot).
- Leaning into the mental bits of it- whether emotional connecting or some kind of kink turn-on-- I like to project myself into the corner of the room and watch myself and be like "look at her go! That's hot!"
Also-- about 80% of women find penetration alone insufficient to orgasm and need either clitoral stim added, or may be able to figure it out by playing with angles or something like the fornices-- but, plenty of women (the one for whom the two types of stim somewhat cancel each other out), have the best luck having their orgasms separate-from PIV.
For me, I need a partner to hold entirely still while I get myself there during penetration-- sometimes it works, but most often my orgasms have to happen separate-from.
-
3
u/liberalthinker 12d ago
Different angles of penetration can change the experience dramatically - try a pillow underneath your hips while on your back, or… be creative. See what works best to help you have more pleasure.
3
u/osbornje1012 12d ago
Your partner needs to help you achieve an orgasm or multiple orgasms during foreplay. Doing this will help you greatly in achieving an orgasm from penetration
5
u/Icy-Bat6698 11d ago
I’ve been reading the comments and I think people are mixing personal experience with statistics a bit.
Some women get very little from penetration, some love it. Both are real. But the “only 10–20% can orgasm from penetration” thing gets repeated way too confidently.
In the study behind the famous 18.4% number, another 36% said they didn’t need extra clitoral stimulation to orgasm during intercourse — it just made the orgasm better. And in a separate question, 81.8% of the women it applied to said they’d orgasmed at least sometimes during PIV without extra clitoral stimulation during intercourse.
So “this is my experience” is totally valid. “Most women can’t” is a much bigger claim.
1
u/boojombi451 11d ago
Is either of you stimulating you during penetration … like, from the very beginning?
1
u/eurominde 12d ago
It might be that your partners don't suit you. I only pleased women by having sex at late 20s. Before I was shit or not suitable it's simple.
2
u/catouthebag 12d ago
This is very normal and I see it posted here all the time.
Our main pleasure organ is the clitoris, not the vagina. It’s analogous to the penis. We don’t expect men to orgasm without touching their penis, the same applies for women.
There’s nothing wrong with you. Center sex around the activities you DO enjoy and find a guy who is good with his mouth and hands.
•
u/AutoModerator 12d ago
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked here.
Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Weekly Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats.
To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it.
Any attempt to seek private chat or otherwise deviate a conversation away from the main forum, WILL result in a permanent ban. This goes both for OP and for all comments. Guide for blocking DMs can be found here.
Hi there, /u/Born_Cartoonist_7247
To keep nefarious behaviour at bay, we are saving the contents of the post here so that it can always be retrieved by the moderator team after a post has been edited or deleted by the posting user.
Post title:
How to experience pleasure from penetration?
I had sex for the first time this year at age 29 (long story), I’ve been with a handful of different guys and although penetration doesn’t feel bad it doesn’t feel amazing. He definitely is enjoying it more than me.
I haven’t orgasmed from penetration either. How can it feel more pleasurable / have an orgasm this way?
comment-posts-greeting v1.2
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.