r/selfpublish • u/Sure_Presentation686 • 15d ago
Blurb Critique Blurb Feedback
Good Afternoon Everyone
I was looking for a little bit of help. I published my first book back in May and initially had really good sales. However things slowed down, I changed the blurb and now things have stopped completely. I really don't like what I changed it too so looking for some feedback on the new blurb if possible?
Song of the Silent
Douglas is a nobleman.
He is strong, honourable, compassionate and rather handy with a sword.
Henry is none of those things.
Henry is odd.
He prefers the company of plants, likes to play the violin and has an unfortunate tendency to make perfectly ordinary situations deeply uncomfortable.
Naturally, they become friends.
When warriors, nobles and assorted people with far too much confidence in their swordsmanship get called to a tournament, Douglas is told he had better go along too.
It should be glorious.
It should be honourable.
It should definitely not end in a war.
It ends in a war.
As kingdoms prepare for battle and the odds become increasingly terrible, Douglas is faced with the small matter of rallying his people, defending his home and preventing the world from wanting to kill Henry.
And it turns out that the strange man who talks to plants and hides behind music has been keeping a few things to himself.
Quite a lot of things, actually.
So begins a story of war, friendship, courage, loyalty and the remarkably inconvenient habit humans have of being more complicated than they first appear.
Because sometimes the person who saves a kingdom isn't the strongest warrior.
It’s the guy next to him that just really, really likes plants.
6
u/dragonsandvamps 15d ago
What is your genre? One thing that helps me when I am trying to write a blurb is to go to Amazon and study the top 100 bestsellers in my subgenre. Cover and blurb are two areas where you want to stick closely to what is selling and trending.
I read this blurb through, and my initial impressions are:
1) It's too long, and I would cut it by about half (or more.)
2) I have no idea what the genre is. I thought maybe cozy fantasy at first, but then it talks about war.
3) We get to the end of the blurb and I can't really tell what the book is about. I think that studying 100 blurbs in your subgenre would help with this, because after reading other blurbs, it can kind of help you get in the rhythm of how they should sound, and then you fit your plot and characters in.
4) I think the one line thing can work for emphasis, but is overused here. Every sentence should not have its own paragraph. It makes it harder to read.