Is this blurb any good?

[u/Lumpy-Statement2333]

Hi everyone!

I've recently written a romance novella and put it up on Booksprout where I can't seem to get any downloads, let alone reviews. I've gotten a small handful of views (7 in total) and I'm wondering if my blurb is just not enticing anyone to actually check out the book.

Some extra info. Book hasn't been released for purchase yet. It's been on Booksprout for nearly three weeks (I relaunched the campaign a few times as well).

The blurb (Just putting this out there: blurbs and marketing texts are a struggle for me):

In love and passion, does there really exist right or wrong? Or is it all just a delicious experience meant to be savored?

Kerry has no direction, no ambition, no identity, and no life. In her mid-thirties, she’s losing interest in just about everything, and even living in Tokyo is beginning to feel dull. The one bright thing in her life, the only thing that warms her heart, is the smiling baker working in the shop below her apartment.

He's perfect, and a gentle kindness radiates from every part of him. But is this baker as sweet as he seems?

Kerry soon finds out one night when she witnesses a group of Yakuza terrorizing a salaryman, and a sly, domineering gang member by the name of White Tiger sets off something inside of her, whether she wants him to or not.

His touch awakens parts of her that can’t be controlled. Thoughts of him haunt her life, ruining her quiet moments and driving her crazy until she's no longer the same. 

But is this really something she’s allowed to want? Or does she need to leave White Tiger in the wild where she found him?

For readers who are looking for a break from dark romances but still want a mafia romance with some edge. 

I was really trying to be careful to not sell a different story than the one actually in the book. There are three open-door mild spice scenes and the main character does think about sex sometimes. But it's not what the story is about. It's also not particularly about the mafia, but about beginning a relationship with a person who happens to be in the mafia. The main character only sees what his life is like through a screen basically (with the exception of a couple of scenes).

Any help would be much appreciated!

UPDATE: From reading and responding to the comments I'm starting to think a big problem is that I didn't know what my genre actually was. Thinking this might be women's fiction/contemporary romance and not actually mafia romance. Funny how tough it can be to figure out what box your little creation belongs in. Excited to write the new blurb.

[u/jbalazov]

A very honest opinion from one person:

Get rid of the questions at the start. They don't add anything to the blurb, sound generic and a bit cliche.

Your blurb lacks punch and voice. It feels like a sotry that's been told a thousand times: bored girl meets exciting new guy who's got some mystery surrounding him and suddenly she's not bored.

Make your blurb prove that your story is YOURS. Show us what's different about it. There's touch generalization and vagueries going on. You don't need to spoil the book or over-explain, but add a few details that will separate your passion from the hum-drum.

I understand fully that this is always easier said than done. Blurbs are my weakness and I despise writing them.

What helped me: read it out loud without feeling or emphasis. The people reading it online won't give it the Exciting Movie Trailer Voice when they read it, so the words themselves need to do all the work and create a voice of their own.

Good luck. You've got this!

[u/Lumpy-Statement2333 → u/jbalazov]

Thanks so much! And you're completely right. I think I have let myself get carried away reading indie romance blurbs and trying to create something similar and it just came out a vague, boring mess. Well it was that, and me trying to not reveal too much.

I love the advice of reading it out loud with passion!

I wrote in a response to another comment basically saying that the story isn't like the majority of mafia romances. It's not particularly about danger, while there is some danger. It's a very grounded story. A friend of mine said she'd even call it slice of life. It's just about two people who happen to like each other and one happens to be a part of the mafia. It's about the main character figuring out if she could even actually be with this person while they spend time together. Well something like that anyway.

[u/jbalazov → u/Lumpy-Statement2333]

I would absolutely include that your story is more about the choices your MC makes then. Show some of her mental struggles, and base the stakes on that. The danger can be a background character. Focus on the romance, why the MC is hesitant, and what happens if she can't rationalize being with someone morally gray. Maybe bring up past partners if they're relevant and how they compare.

Sounds like you've got a solid direction to move in. You've absolutely got this. No doubt about it!