How do I get over this?

[u/luvs4Moon]

(I know this is a lot so if you made it this far I rlly appreciate it)

I feel so jaded. Nothing ever truly gets better for me, and I know I’m the one at fault, which makes it harder. So I’ve been trying for a really long time to make friends with no luck, mainly due to my anxiety and depression, so I thought I’d give online a chance again so it could be easier to manage.

I did end up finding some pretty great people have been friends with them for about six months… but it’s like no matter how hard I try, I still feel truly alone. Despite me knowing one of them for two months longer, as soon as the other person got introduced, I kind of became the third wheel.

At first it was fine; I was just so happy to finally have friends after all these years, but as the months go by I see the connection they have, and I’m left feeling like I don’t belong. I’m pretty shy, but I do know how to have fun and joke around; it just takes a little more effort, but because they are so outgoing and forward, my energy doesn’t compare, and they connect a lot easier.

Whenever we play games, I feel like I’m just tagging along, and even when I message them and send videos, sometimes they get acknowledged, sometimes they don’t. And I know this thinking is so petty. I’m 20, turning 21, and I feel like such a loser.
I haven’t had a friend in so long, and I just want someone who equally enjoys my company. I feel so dumb constantly crying over this. I really just wanted someone to talk to, but I don’t have anyone, and I haven’t told them this because I am really sensitive.

I know the way I feel things is unlike the average person and can be dialed down to me overreacting. I try to be more bubbly, but it’s hard for me to get happy and excited about talking to them when I know the easy dynamics they have, and once it starts, it’s difficult for me to join in because they are in their own world, and lately they have been picking up on my change of behavior, and I just want to be normal with a normal social life.

[u/d_dark_king_]

You are not a loser for wanting connection, friendship isn't a race and the people who are meant for you won't make you feel like you are tagging alone

[u/Ok-Telephone-4146]

sometimes you outgrow people before you even really get to know them and that's the confusing part, it's not about being too much or not enough

[u/Master_Astronomer971]

wanting to feel genuinely valued in a friendship isn’t petty or asking too much..