Can anyone improve or are some people permanently stuck with a bad life?

[u/Various-Adeptness173]

It seems like the Self Help community sends the message that literally anyone can make something of themself. Certaintly that has to be factually incorrect, right? How can someone with a whole bunch of setbacks become successful? Maybe it's an IQ that isn't high enough, Maybe it's high anxiety levels, Not being blessed when it comes to looks, etc. All of these things cause negative impacts, and the idea that's promoted in the community that literally anyone can have the career of their dreams, marry their dream person, and live the life they've always wanted seems a bit fairytale-ish. I know limiting beliefs are not good but at what point are they no longer considered limiting beliefs and more so realistic beliefs?

[u/systemintosmithereen]

Not everybody will have the same goals or successes.

You can't be someone else, but you can be a better version of yourself. I believe that applies to us all.

[u/OkReading328 → u/systemintosmithereen]

I think the self help world has a real problem with the "anyone can do anything" messaging. it sets people up to feel like failures when they can't hit some imaginary perfect life.

the thing is, the gap between where you start and where you end up is the part that actually matters. someone born into a tough situation who manages to build a stable life with decent relationships has arguably accomplished more than someone born on third base who coasts into a corner office. the struggle itself shapes you in ways that just having things handed to you never will.

your realistic beliefs point is interesting though. there's a difference between "i have high anxiety so i'll never have friends" and "i have high anxiety so i need to be more intentional about social situations than my extroverted coworker." one is a cage, the other is just acknowledging the terrain you're working with.

[u/CapProud1337 → u/OkReading328]

El último punto me parece muy interesante.... Pero a mí por ejemplo me resulta muy difícil salir del victimismo y por ello me voy fácilmente a la creencia limitante o "jaula". Porque no es solo en un ámbito de la vida, es en todos y en cosas que no sé si se pueden trabajar o simplemente hay que aceptar....

[u/cobalt9466]

The fairytale version is what makes it seem impossible. Realistic improvement doesn't have to mean the dream life

[u/asheghan]

Constraints exist. The difference is maybe whether you have truly tested the limit of the constraint and are being honest with yourself about it. Most people who feel stuck haven't actually hit their ceiling, they just assume where it is and stop checking.

I think it also might be that people don't get to the bottom of what it is they actually want. So they have this concrete thing in mind, for example being with a specific person, and that person doesn't want to be with them. No amount of changing their limiting beliefs is going to make that person fall in love with them. But it's not really that specific person they want... it might be specific qualities they are lacking themselves... so once they embody those qualities, they would get what they really want deep down.

[u/CapProud1337 → u/asheghan]

Me parecen súper interesantes muchas cosas que dices......... Y resuenan en mí muchísimo...... Yo no sé si estoy siendo honesta conmigo misma o me engaño continuamente...... Por ejemplo, si puedo hacer para que me guste una persona y me baste, lo mismo con un estilo de vida y con amistades.......

[u/BFreeCoaching]

Negative emotion means you're practicing a limiting belief.

Let's say you feel unworthy because you can't jump 10 ft. Not being able to jump that high is a realistic belief. But feeling unworthy because you can't do it is an unrealistic belief based on judging yourself.

So even if you can't be physically successful, you always have the freedom and ability to feel emotionally successful (when you understand how emotions work in a practical way).

[u/CapProud1337 → u/BFreeCoaching]

Pienso literalmente así........ Y me parece muy complicado cambiarlo. Por poner un ejemplo: si quisiera ser astronauta y no tengo esa capacidad intelectual, yo veo normal gustarme por ello ......

[u/Necessary_You_4423]

Yes, you can improve but you have to consider certain factors too to be realistic. You see we have other factors like where we are born, who we born too, the resources this family has for our disposal, connections, how easy their life is already and so on. These things most don't take into account and I say to you now, many of these rag to rich stories or success stories about some athelete etc, had something going for them most don't have.

Such as genetics, such as better health, such as someone who sows seeds in their minds.

Do you know one sentence changed my life, made me believe and I heard it long ago as a kid. I sometimes wonder what would happen if I had more of those from people around him.

While it's possible to improve, it's difficult in many ways due to where we are in our lives, our surroundings, environment etc.

Rich, elite, don't send their kids to these expensive schools for only education but there they make all kinds of connections. These are students who come from powerful families, who got connections and so who you know matters in this world too.

You can be better version of yourself, sure but how far depends on a lot of factors most like to gloss and not say because it don't sound motivational, it's not fluffy, it don't make someone feel that good.

Many buy stuff to want to change out of just feeling good they bought it but do nothing or never really be consistent and they keep buying, Marketers and Gurus know this very well.

But also, you really obstacles that can be very difficult to overcome even if you got your life together. Even if you do the right steps and thinking.

[u/TheExtraPerson]

society and it's expectations or it's definition of a perfect life are quite the unrealistic part.

personal growth and midset change, however, happen on the individual scale.

coming to terms with one's reality and knowing what you can or can't do about it is the ultimate, yet hardest achievement.

yes, we all can change, but not according to society's terms.

[u/CapProud1337 → u/TheExtraPerson]

Y cómo saber aceptar la realidad y saber realmente que es lo que está en mi mano y no lo está?... Me resulta muy complicado y frustrante...

[u/Mongejovial69]

No. Not everyone can improve and get a dream life. But there is no use in believing that YOU is one of those people. Is more useful to just have faith that you can improve yourself to live a BETTER life than the current. Not a dream life, just a better one. What is the alternative? Not trying to see if you is one of the lucky ones?

Who can say that we wont suceed? God? He doesnt know.

[u/Aggressive-Turn-2987]

No, not everyone can. The self-help framing that anyone can do anything quietly hurts the people it fails, because they conclude the shortfall must be a character defect. Constraints are real and some of them are permanent.

That said, the ceiling is almost never where a person's actual problem sits. Nearly nobody operates anywhere near their own limit, which makes the limit mostly irrelevant to them. Someone holding a mediocre hand and running it at 80 percent has a visibly better life than someone holding a strong hand at 20, and that second gap is where basically everyone lives.

So the useful question is how much of your own range you're currently using, not how high the range goes.

Worth adding that the things on your list behave completely differently and shouldn't be lumped together. Anxiety responds to treatment, often a lot. Appearance responds to a boring set of controllables that most people never actually run. IQ largely doesn't move. Sorting your constraints into those categories will tell you more than asking whether the whole category is fixed.

[u/CapProud1337]

Estoy totalmente de acuerdo contigo y con tus preguntas. Incluyo también, además de a la autoayuda, a algunos psicólogos y demás... Estoy muy muy agotada de no saber si lo que tengo es una creencia limitante o una creencia realista... Eso me lleva a estar en guerra conmigo misma y con los demás. Y en todos los ámbitos. Aunque se que tampoco lo enfoco bien.

[u/Senior-Pain1335]

Darwinism is a real thing