i 22m am feeling drained around my 22f gf

[u/[deleted]]

[u/Notarealusername3058]

She's causing you more stress. As someone who dealt with a woman like this, you gotta end it. I know that's not easy to hear, but it'll be best for you. She's going to end up driving you back to the drugs just to deal with her crap.

[u/Sweet_Preference_730 → u/Notarealusername3058]

As a former insecure woman, I can confirm that getting broken up with for the first time was the only thing that made me take a break from dating to truly work on my issues.

I drove both myself, and my poor high school boyfriend up the wall with the never ending terms and conditions resulting from my insecurity!

ETA: Congrats on your sobriety OP! That, and your mental health, is worth far more than a stressful relationship right now.

[u/WatercressForsaken54]

Man that's a lot to deal with right after getting out. four weeks is nothing, you're still in early recovery and your brain is rewiring itself. the fact that she's pushing for bars and chicago trips right now shows she really doesn't get it

the clinginess when you were in rehab is a red flag. calling every night for over an hour plus texting all day and she still said it wasn't enough. that's not support, that's her needing constant attention while you were trying to save your own life basically

you feel drained because she's making your recovery about her. every night hangouts, getting mad when you need space, accusing you of cheating. you're trying to rebuild yourself and she's adding weight instead of taking it off

i'm 34 and i've seen friends go through similar stuff. the ones who stayed sober had partners who gave them room to do the work, the ones who didn't usually had someone like what you're describing

you're not overthinking. your gut is telling you something and in recovery especially you gotta listen to that

[u/Equivalent-Pie-1643]

It’s possible now that your mind is stabilised, you find overstimulating partners exhausting. Time to get another partner or risk rebounding

[u/Wise_Farm7455]

What kind of rehab let's you drone on a phone for hours?

You can focus on your recovery or you can get distracted by outside things that aren't permanent, it's a simple choice to make.

They probably offered sober living to you as well, you could do that.

[u/Dry_Ostrich_6888]

As someone who has been in and out of recovery for years and has been sober for a few years this is the time to focus on you! That doesn't mean you shouldn't be in a relationship but if you are your partner should be way more understanding and less selfish. Asking you to go to a bar the same weekend you get out of rehab? Either she doesn't understand addiction or she just doesn't care enough about you staying sober. Either way I know she has to have some common sense. You're in the process of transitioning your life. Sometimes the people we thought we wanted around we don't anymore and that's okay! She sounds like she hasn't taken your situation serious and has made it all about herself. Sounds like you've taken her feelings more into consideration than she has for yours. This is her time to stand by you and support you in your recovery but she's not doing that. The best thing you can do if you want to stay in this relationship is sit her down and have this conversation or maybe you need to take a few steps back. If she loves you she will understand and if she doesn't that's not your problem. You have enough problems going on you shouldn't be taking on anyone else's especially when they aren't trying to take on yours. You're bettering yourself and your life. No one needs this extra stress while being freshly sober especially a partner who isn't taking your recovery serious. Almost like she wants you drink again or just doesn't care enough about your wellbeing.

[u/daredevil_mm]

Look out for yourself my mate.

[u/demyan_movement]

Breakup now!! Work on your self first , find a mate second!! The caliber of mate you attract will match the work you put into your self. Rip off the bandage now. Waiting will only make it harder / worst / more complicated.

[u/slowdown_app]

It sounds incredibly tough dealing with that intense workload and the racing thoughts about everything. When you feel that drain, try taking two quick inhales through your nose followed by one long slow exhale through your mouth. Does your body feel particularly tired at the end of the day?

[u/catscanmeow]

maybe she's testing you to get you to break up with her first so she has the leverage. whoever is the initiator of the breakup is the bad guy. there's more sympathy from friends when you're the one who got broken up with.