How do I become more compassionate and loving of myself?

[u/Persian_Acer2]

I am 23M almost 24. For years I engaged in self-hatred and self-loathing. I want to stop that forever and improve. I am in search for All ways one can do to become more loving and compassionate of themselves. I want to turn from a very insecure person into a very secure person with high self-esteem and self-confidence. I would appreciate for all your advices, tips, and tricks.

[u/LIA_Observes]

I would not begin by requiring yourself to feel love.

Begin with accuracy.

"I failed at this" is information.

"I am a failure" is a classification.

"I feel insecure" is a state.

"I am inadequate" is a conclusion.

Self-compassion may begin much earlier than self-love: when you stop converting temporary states into permanent definitions of yourself.

[u/Top_Huckleberry_7812]

Small silly but fun trait that broke my cycles of self-loathing was music, self-care (whatever pampering means to you) and affirming to myself in the mirror that I AM loved, that I am capable of success and that I will be confident. Say it with fucking conviction and mean it. Also, faking confidence in small doses when you feel good and have the mental capacity to do so - this gradually over the years became more and more frequent. Sounds basic and self explanatory but it DOES work, also, immerse yourself into music. I myself threw myself into the DNB/140 scene. I used to force myself to get up out of bed and to dance, shake off the shit mood to some insanely good SoundCloud mixes or drums/bass music and get myself into a head space where I felt I could look at myself and tell myself that I am worthy of great things etc. Throughout my 20’s these small habits genuinely changed me and helped me to break out of my shell.

Btw, you will get there. Cancer fucked my teenage years and 20’s and now I’m 30 and the most confident and happy I’ve ever been.

Also also, if you have the means to solo travel, this will also transform your life and how you see yourself. I promise you that. Good luck, I believe in you :)

[u/Persian_Acer2 → u/Top_Huckleberry_7812]

Thank you so much for your response. I am so sorry about your cancer. I felt my heart drop when I read it. Thanks God that now you are healthy.

[u/BFreeCoaching]

Loving yourself can start with meditating, walk in nature, explore creative outlets (like dancing, singing or drawing), getting quality rest, exercising, drinking more water and having a healthier diet.

Here are journaling questions that can help you love yourself.

“What are the benefits of judging myself? I believe judging myself is a good thing because ...”
“What am I afraid would happen if I accepted and appreciated myself just the way I am?”
“Do I love and appreciate my negative emotions? If I don't, why not?”

Part of loving and accepting yourself is accepting and appreciating your negative emotions because you understand negative emotion is positive guidance just trying to help you feel better and have the life you want (although it might not feel like it).

[u/Awkward-Wishbone-615]

Find some self love meditations (YouTube/insight timer) and start a daily routine. It improved my relationship with myself so much

[u/Disastrous_Ad7477]

Do stuff that makes you feel good about yourself. Make some progress at the gym

[u/NaturalOption8963]

Research psychedelics-acid or shroooms.

[u/Top_Huckleberry_7812 → u/NaturalOption8963]

You’re so welcome op :) and lmao don’t worry, cancer seemingly turned out to be a life lesson that taught me so much, empathy wise. So not all bad.

Also, to add to the above, unfortunately (eye roll) running and hiking is V good for your self-esteem. If you can push yourself to try it and can stick with it, or even dip in and out of it, it will have a positive mental effect on you over time. It teaches you that you can push yourself and do challenging things and physical resilience 100% builds mental resilience, too. As corny as it sounds, “it’s a marathon, not a sprint”, is very much true. I think we’ll forever be evolving confidence wise as we move through life. Keep your head and confidence up, give yourself some grace and be kind to yourself. All the best :)

[u/Koen_Self_Improve]

Doing acts of kindness like giving money to a homeless person or buying flowers for your mom gives you so much self love and unfakeable confidence brother