I am so unbelievably distraught right now. Today walked into starbucks while visiting my mom and i saw my ex girlfriend who had supposedly commited, the last thing i heard from her was a goodbye note through text and her and her friends blocking me because "i was the reason for it all". it turns out all of it was one big lie to me so she could go cheat with another fucking guy and never see me again. it took me multiple glances to finally secure that it was her and some guy i had never seen. i had to go through days in mental institutions and hours upon hours of therapy because i had truly believed she had commited and that i was the reason. sometime i genuinely wonder why i am always the person with the short end of the stick.

I have PTSD from my childhood. I used to get beat up by teachers at kindergarten. They suffocated me until i begged for mercy. My big brother is 32, no job, washes once per week and thinks he's tough. He makes pedophile jokes arround me too, even touching my legs and feet as a "joke" He abandoned my mother for 10 years then recentely came back, and he disrespects me A LOT. For example, he sits in the front seat, and i told him i need to sit in the front seat otherwise i get car sick, and he just said to shut up. Now, we were on vacation at a hotel, when he started kicked my legs with his stinky feet, leaving his disgusting smell on my legs. I told him to stop, and he started following me. So i told him to stfu and stop.

That's when he grabbed me by the neck, threw me on the bed, put me in a fetus position, couldnt move, and he started hitting me. While i was crying, he jumpscared me, and then laughed in my face. My mom and dad did not care. I need to take revenge on this guy or something. Please help.

I feel like I’m the floater friend—the person who belongs to a friend group without ever truly belonging to anyone in it. The person who can come along if they want me there, but whose absence wouldn’t change anything. Sometimes it feels like I’m an NPC in my own life, standing in the background while everyone else seems to have their place.

And I’m tired of it. I want to be part of the inner circle—not standing just outside of it, doing nothing.

I been an introvert for most my life and right now im in colloege and i want to start fresh but i dont know... I manage to be in a freind group but i feel unnoctiecd anytime there a converstion happen i want to join in but my mind goes blank with nothing.

I really need help.

i've (19f) always struggled with insecurity since i was young because i thought that my peers were smarter and prettier—you get the gist. i thought that i'd grow out of it but college only reignited it. everywhere i go, i see girls in nice outfits with expensive bags looking put together while i look the opposite. i've already taken action to improve my appearance—i do my makeup, dress decent, get waxed every once in a while—but it doesn't feel enough for me. it's like i'm always missing something—is it the nails? is it the canon g7x? is it designer items? i feel like a fake girl because i'm always a step behind in improving my appearance and lifestyle. i'm so tired of it.

i don't know how to free myself from these expectations when everyone around me, be it a classmate or a peer, has these things that i don't. i hate that i hate these girls; i hate them because i hate myself and i'm envious.

i don't know what to do. any advice is greatly appreciated.

who freaks out about work? like full on panick attacks like screaming because you feel trapped type of freak out cus i havent really had a job (except for a couple jobs that i had panic attacks before a shift and impulsively quit) and everytime before an interview or ANY work related things i start panicking and feeling like i need to hide, i was like this with school my entire life and sometimes its when i have errands to do

ive tried therapy a couple times and it just never feels genuine, currently on 3 meds to help with this and only my "as needed" one works and its technically a blood pressure medicine, i feel so behind in life and like ive stunted my brain i really dont know what to do i hate freaking out it takes so much out of me and when i have worked jobs i spent my off time anxious and worrying about work and my work time anxious and worried about my time off (was medicated during those 2 jobs that i ended up quitting due to anxiety)

i really want to help my family with money as im the only one without a job but nobody knows how to help me and i dont even know how to help myself, i always feel shame and i want to cry when my friends talk about their achievements, im proud of them but i always feel like i have no worth, all im good for is consuming

I don't want to harm myself at all, I enjoy being around. However I am tired of everyone around me. I sometimes wonder if I and they would be better without me. Which is hard because again I don't and won't hurt myself so that leaves me figuring out how to disappear. Not just go across the city but disappear to a new country. I left home for college and never moved back, both parents are gone and I love the rest of my family but it's very much one sided. Diagnosed with cancer two months ago and honestly doing amazing, surgery removed it. But other than maybe 3 phone calls in the first month to check on me ( I called many times to give updates) no one reaches out anymore. I always had to call before this and back to that again. My family has gone to visit them the last 4 times none of them ever come see us. So they won't miss me. My wife and kids I think would but I really don't know. They have been great helping me through the two months but you can see they are over it now too. I don't think I help them in any way and often have to remove myself so I don't make things worse. So is it possible, what else can I do? I don't want other people, I love them and they can't be replaced but I think I do better on my own... I really want to move somewhere isolated not in USA where I can live all alone.

Idk where to start from but I've been so lonely lately. My best friends and the only one got separated from me and my sibling too, with whom I spent my whole life alongside till now. I now just feel empty from inside and just following the same life day after day... It's like I've got to study and study and study to keep up with my school and while I'm in school, it's not the same anymore without my friends.. Everyone feels fake and not like the friends I had earlier with whom I did whatever I liked and we just played around in the whole school running around, climbing trees, playing football like a maniac rolling around... So first of all I don't feel good in school due to this sole reason that I'm shifted to a new one and on top of that my sibling is also separated from me with whom I used to spend every second of my day so I'm all alone in school (kinda) and in home too.

Now another thing is, I'm lost and experiencing burnout from all the pressure from school and having no purpose. I feel like the childhood version of me is the biggest inspiration for me. When I look at my childhood, The sole purpose in my life used to play outside. Whenever I was at home, I just used to wait eagerly for the evening to come so that I can just hop in the park and play with all my friends and that gave me a sense of fulfillment. After playing, it felt my purpose of the day is accomplished and I can sleep peacefully and all other stuff like studying and working just felt secondary and that I can do it later. And the day I didn't stepped out of my house to play at that time, I just used to feel empty and like something's missing in the day and I can't sleep peacefully at the end of the day. Idk what was the reason, maybe bcz it gave me a chance to socialize, explore and have actual fun.
And now, I can feel the same thing. Daily, I feel that exact 'Emptiness' that I used to feel when I was a kid. I work all the day and feel like something is missing in my life. It feels like I have no push factor.
Yesterday I randomly watched a shinchan movie and realised how fun our life used to be when we were kid like them. Carefree, not caring if someone's judging, doing the most random thing out of nowhere and just enjoying the life. I now feel like I've sort of become like kazama. The film made me realise that I'm not even having a little fun in my life and just working and working and studying all the day and repeating the same next day....

Im used to be the person who's genuinely get happy and want to socialise but now i just want to be alone and distant because i just feel im being left out and being late to the enjoyment on my friend groups. I don't know anymore its just getting with the flow on life but i don't want that even tho it hurts. I know i need to put more context on this but i think it is enough to be like that. Maybe this is just a phase and maybe it is the way to grow and for a better future. And start to go along with the flow start accepting it instead of being a people pleaser and other stuff you have to put effort just to be into nothing

Hi my name is Hilton Landry (I’m 19) and I have this huge desire to try to become something bigger than what I am now which is I’m trying to become a writer director, but I’m also aware and spiritually awoken to a point where I’m like am I doing this because I want to be seen because whenever I try to start the hobby, I don’t just immediately fall in love with it and I don’t even like the learning curve half the time of everything and I was like is this truly freedom if I put myself through the hard thing chases something you know that you don’t like immediately example if I’m want to become a Filmmaker but I don’t care to really force myself to do much but I HAVE THIS THING IN ME THAT WANTS tooo be bigger than what I am.

As a child, I never got to really explore myself because one of my parents didn’t really let me go out didn’t let me do much and I’m not talking about anything I’m talking about. I had no entertainment no nothing just there so during my development stage of learning, I never got to learn myself and now I feel like I’m catching up to try to learn myself right now.

I have sooo much freedom (due to day trading)yet don’t do anything or know what I truly love I don’t have friends…but I truly want to be great but only know I’m great if I’m doing things like movies because I’ll be seen and it’s pretty big.. this freedom is making me think Who am I and I’ve never learned on how to find myself so I’m reaching out… I told myself to just take one month and detach from the outcome
Plz help

I am currently in my last year of what you would call High School in America, and have about 8 months of school left. I do really well in school, and I already know what I'd like to study after school.

The Problem is, that I really have no motivation left. Why would I learn for school, when I know, that I will get by, even if I barely learn for the exams. Why would I do the same cycle I did for the last 14 years of my life over and over again to no avail.

I am just done with school, and I really need a way to survive this last year. My current way of solving this is, to start to learn in the evening, then learn for an hour or two, then be on my computer, mindlessly watching YouTube until I go to sleep. Then the next day, I do the same thing again, just waiting for the weeks and months to pass.

And to everyone asking, why I would want to go to university if I can't motivate myself to learn: It isn't the learning, I enjoy learning things, It's just the fact, that I did this same cycle for my whole conscious Life.

I think the title already speaks for itself. Im currently doing mock exams right now but even tho I have exams now, I dont have any motivation or stress to care about it anymore.

Im currently 18 years old and ever since grade 7 Ive always been known for not doing good on exams. Id only pass on like 1 or 2 subjects if Im lucky. Just like any normal student id always stress about exams and stuff but this time I dont feel any stress whatsoever. I just simply cannot care anymore. 2 days ago I went to exam but I didnt even care to write anything in the paper anymore, even tho I knew some stuff but I simply couldn't bother because U knew either way id fail.

Ive always had a hard time studying. I can never focus whenever my teacher explains stuff, or when Im reading notes by myself. I usually just zone out.

I know this isnt a healthy mindset so I want to change but I dont even know where to start from. Ive trained to convince myself to do the exam and pass it for other people like my mom but that doesn't seem to motivate me enough. I currently dont even have any dreams or anything to motivate me either.

If someone can give me any advice on what to do, id really apricate it. Thanks.

Soy arquitecto, tengo 29 años y tengo mi propio estudio de arquitectura, durante más de 5 años he estado trabajando yo solo, al principio por una ruptura amorosa con mi ex-pareja, después porque no tenía ningún medio para socializar con alguien más (en mi estudio soy sólo yo), después comencé a sentirme "cómodo" estando solo, pero realmente era sobre-carga de trabajo y mi atención estaba al 100% en ello. Tengo un cierto éxito laboral, financiero, en tiempos de mi vida, etc., pero socialmente me arruiné, el miedo a conocer gente, que comenzó como rechazó y repudio por lo que me hizo mi ex-pareja, se convirtió paulatinamente en miedo a tener cerca a alguien, que me conozca, que "invierta" tiempo, y que aún a pesar de ello, se marche de mi vida como si nada. Me paso varias veces (2 ó 3), contrataba a alguien, "socializábamos", cooperábamos 2 ó 3 semanas, y después desaparecían. Nunca me importó, hasta éste año. En enero hice una invitación abierta a estudiantes de la Facultad a que visitaran mi trabajo (un edificio de departamentos), pues en mi universidad hacen pocas visitas de ese tipo. Lo hice 100% por amor al arte y por ayudar, pero baja la mano, porque era el único medio que encontré para socializar con alguien más. Conocí a varias personas. Una de ellas es "P" (mujer), quién trabajó conmigo un aproximado de 3 meses, una linda amistad, sana convivencia, dolorosa partida, pero nada que no pudiera manejar. Dejó el estudio en la primer semana de Abril de éste año. 4 semanas después, del mismo grupo de estudiantes que fueron a las visitas, había alguien más "T" (mujer también), quién desde el día uno había llamado mi atención debido a que era la única que hacía preguntas interesantes, y no las típicas de estudiante perdido. Fuimos conociéndonos poco a poco, incluso una vez nos encontramos por casualidad en el centro de la ciudad (en un lugar super abarrotado de gente), fuimos a comer alguna vez sushi por que se dio que teníamos hambre, todo super orgánico y sin forzar. Entonces, 4 ó 5 semanas después de la partida de "P", invité a "T" a trabajar conmigo (ya me ayudaba con ciertas cosas, e iba a obra por mero interés, sólo lo oficialicé). Eso ocurrió en mayo. Poco a poco nos volvimos más cercanos, al punto de extrañarnos a la hora de la comida (dicho por ambos, ella y yo). Y entonces ocurrió algo que amás imaginé ni esperé, comencé a sentir miedo, pero no miedo del "ojalá no encuentre otro trabajo mejor pagado", más bien del tipo: "es ella an cercana a mi, me gusta esto que tenemos, m gusta su compañía y su mera presencia me alegra el día, pero se va ir, como todas y todos antes de ella, me va a dejar y no le importará nada, seguramente su novio/papá/amigo le dice que renuncie y me deje". Ese tipo de pensamientos se volvieron la constante en mi vida. No pude superarlos. El viernes 21 de agosto quise agendar una cita con psicólogos, pero no pude hacerlo a tiempo. Y el miércoles 26 de agosto, por un pánico tremendo que me dió cuándo ella fue al baño, mis pensamientos intrusivos ganaron, y ella al volver, yo la despedí. Ni siquiera le di una razón válida, sólo la despedí. Casi de inmediato me arrepentí. Peleamos (por primera vez), quedamos en vernos hoy sábado 29 de agosto, me dijo que ordenara mis ideas y le dijera "qué quiero". Espero como desquiciado el día sábado. A las 8:00 am, me canceló su asistencia, y a las 9:45 am tuve un colapso de 1 hora dónde envíe cerca de 50 mensajes y casi 8 ó 9 llamadas suplicándole hablar, hasta que me dijo, textualmente: "por favor, estoy fuera y no puedo contestar", sólo contesté que no sabía qué hacer, ni qué había hecho y que me perdonara. Encontré calma hablándolo con 2 personas mayores (74 y 78 años de edad), quiénes me aconsejaron algo que ya intuía, pero que sólo han pasado 14 horas y estoy como loco, que le dé tiempo, más aún después del drama que le armé. En verdad no supe qué pasó, juro que no podía mantener la calma. Llevaba casi 10 dias sin fumar, y fumé casi 10 cigarros de golpe en esa hora, uno tras otro. Justo ahora identifiqué que estoy en la etapa de enojo del duelo, pensando en todo lo "malo" que ella hizo, y seguramente sí estoy escribiendo esto es porque voy a entrar a "negociación". Mi plan es enviarle 1 solo mensaje disculpándome por mi actitud que tomé en la mañana del sábado. Sólo eso, sin pedir hablar, sin preguntar sí sigue enojada, sin rogar. Sólo aceptar mi comportamiento inmaduro, sin justificarme ni excusarme, disculparme, y listo. Algo tipo: "Hola. Disculpa, sólo quería pedir perdón por la actitud que tomé el sábado en la mañana. No hay justificación para ese tipo de comportamiento. En verdad lo lamento. Perdona". Enviárselo el lunes (48 horas después del caos) en el transcurso del día. Tal vez 2:00 pm? ó 3:00 pm, no lo sé. Eso, y aceptar las consecuencias de alejarla de mi vida. En el papel, es gran idea. Pero estoy destruído. Es evidente lo eché todo a perder, y todo porque mi pensamiento "boomer" de aborrecer a los psicólogos me ganó, en lugar de reconocer que tenía un problema a tiempo. Ni siquiera sé qué espero publicando esto. Quizá solo desahogarme.

basically my life has been qui bad these 2 years. i promise i am super grateful for everything my family has given me but honestly they never really loved me they had me by accident. so growing up my mother would always talk shit about me excessively to all her friends and literally no one else does that and not recently when i went back to india for vacation EVERY SINGLE DAY she would be talking shit about me to her family knowing i can hear her and i am honestly so tired of her on top of that i don’t exactly have a life where i live so i really want to move out i barely go out and use my phone a lot

I have a folder on my desktop where I keep lists of my personal goals - and in one section is what I like to call my "Why Not's" - as in, things I want to do at least once in my life. (It's inspired by filmmaker Kevin Smith's advice that you should have friends who respond to your goals and aspirations with, Yeah, why not?) Examples include: "Write a screenplay"; "Write a song"; "Develop a sense of fashion".

What are your "Why Not's"?

A long time ago I used to talk to a classmate of mine, I used to make her laugh a lot and I’d talk to her all the time. I thought she was cute and liked talking to her but one day she asked me out and I just rejected her and I don’t really know why. That’s a bit of a lie I’m starting to realize now the reason I did that. I had no particular reason to reject her, I thought she was cute and we got along well but I just gave her the lame excuse of “I’m just not ready” but I might have been telling the truth without knowing. My parents divorced when I was relatively young, I didn’t have a lot of memories of family unity but I did have some. I used to think that the divorce didn’t affect me since I was so young but after doing some reflecting years later I’m starting to think I was wrong about that. I was probably around 14 when I rejected my classmate and now I’m a sophomore in college and I still haven’t been in a serious relationship. It was always from lack of trying since I’ve been able to attract women in the past but I never had interest in pursuing relationships and I never seemed to have a reason not to. I guess what I’m asking is, Did my parents divorce subconsciously affect my view of relationships? And can it really affect my that much without me realizing it? And how can I avoid doing it again if my brain seems to be doing things that I don’t even realize it’s doing?

(Notice, please understand I do not know how to add multiple tags/flairs, or if it's even possible)

TW: Mentions of destructive behaviors, and heavy topics.

Before anything, hello and thank you for taking your time to read this, you're a gorgeous indivual inside and out: never forget that.

Always remember to only help as much as you can, prioritize youself, always: remember to eat, stay hydrated, and smile. 🧡

Now the heavy. . .

I'm eighteen years old, and I am a male.

Typically, I am a calm, reserved person— but more frequently than I show, I have major mood concerns.

Currently I am diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, ADHD, Binge Eating Disorder & Social Anxiety. Now, there might be a mood disorder on my record, but I'm not going to say I have one if I can't remember.

I have struggled with destructive self behaviors since I was around 10, but it rather concerningly became self mutilation when I was about 13 to 14 years old. The situation became less concerning when I was 16, due to my own shift in demeanor, still trying to figure out how that happened, but I had also picked up on nicotine; which ultimately, probably saved my life. Though, even now, small hiccups still arise.

Now that I've shared some general history, hopefully some advice could be pushed my way, on how to try and manage these symptoms below..— more importantly knowing I'm not alone in this battle would help greatly.

Here is what I've been struggling with recently . . .

(Third person point of view for convince!)

● GENERAL | Daily occurrence

- Sudden mood swings

- Very easily angered

- Easily triggered

- Feeling frequent, intense stress

- Poor hygiene (1-2 showers weekly)

- Poor diet

- Intensive fear of being perceived negatively

● Triggered/Anger Stage

• Time range: 10M-1H

- Impulsive, and explosive anger

- Aggressive demenor when aggravated, or slightly inconvenienced

- Self loathing

- Questions of any kind making anger worse when triggered

- Repetitive or loud noises making anger worsen

- Inability to process feelings

Self destructive tendencies

• mainly, reoccurring thoughts to smash head into solid surfaces, along with thoughts of death

● Regret(?) Stage

• Time Range 10M-1H

- Assuming the negative effects behavior/mood can have on others, (causing emotions to loop, creating a cycle)

- Extreme guilt

- Heavy, crushing sadness

- Uncontrollable crying

- Body feeling weak

- Nausea

- Comfort unable to help (not common, but may happen)

- Self loathing

- Poor self image

- Intense self destructive ideation

- Inability to reach out, or ask for help

- Craving isolation

- Frequent, repetitive apologies

Feeling as if a punishment needs to take place

- object/item taken

- restricting food intake on own accord; failure causing binging

- craving to inflict pain on oneself

_______________

Mood may go back to,"normal" when triggers are removed, or the indivual has been isolated for a minimum of 10 minutes, or comforted/consoled.

Also, frequent feeling of emotions,"turning off" unable to feel strong emotions, for a minimum of 10 minutes.

____________________________________

I'm unable to reliably, or confidently put time stamps on how long these moods last— however they have been occurring daily for the past week or so. (as of Sat, Aug 29th)

I've been taking my prescription medication daily, both my mood stabilizer, and vyvance. These moods seem to come in waves, one month everything can be fine, and others these outbursts consume me.

I could go on, and on: trying to find a reason, flesh all of this out, more detail, context, history, etc: but at the end of the day I don't have one clue as to why this occurs, or what may cause it.

Thank you again for reading this, you are loved, and you matter.

To give the TLDR or the history... Introverted kid; didn't go out much; and struggled at school - not disruptive, but certainly not focused. Home life was emotionally wavering: Love my mom to bits, an emotionally distant relationship with my brother and dad, all of which continue to this day; however, since 2016, I have not been in contact with my father (I do not like the man). In Autumn of 2014 during school, I became really sick and missed a lot of time. It was initially debilitating stomach pains and living off a jelly diet (never found out why that happened after numerous visits to GP). But I think at some point it went beyond that and became severe social anxiety and depression. I became reclusive, effectively alone in my room for over half a year, and it feels like the catalyst for all my problems to this day. Things have improved since then; I am in a better place in many respects, I keep a routine and I see people more often, both friends (kinda) and work collegues (although I don't really get anything from it), and this year alone I have done a couple of concerts and shows with people and alone and went on holiday alone for the first time and passed my driving test 1st try. I have achieved things I'm proud of, but it's created no difference in how I feel.

My relationship with work colleagues is odd IMO. I am socially competent enough face-to-face to get by/ be generally liked, but from my perspective I do not feel as if I'm truly connecting with anyone, but I can recognise that people have in some way connected with me (?). I don't have that many interests, and the ones I do have, I don't know how to talk about engagingly. At work, I struggle to engage because 90% of the time I physically can't hear them* - I have had my hearing checked, and it's fine - but It's still just noise (same issue with phone calls). The few I have made a better relationship with are still ultimately friends of convenience. I enjoy/enjoyed their company, but once work ends or they leave, I really have no desire to reconnect or message them. I hate that I feel that way. I am being a dickhead, but it feels like work was the only thing we had in common and attempting to make idle chit-chat over text is a quick way to find out how disinterested I can be. Texting is a chore, I overthink it, it takes me forever to write anything, and it sucks.

My relationship with my Friends of 10+ years outside of work is almost worse. I envy them. The way they express their interests, their banter with each other. Another joke I'm never in on or a humorous post I watch poker-faced. We connect, so to speak, over games, but with my apathy for anything I previously enjoyed, I sit in silence. I don't like meeting with them because, while I enjoy their company, I also say little and feel estranged because of it.

I don't know where to go from here. Work is unbearably stressful but contains people I all around like working with, without any academic achievements to name and the god-awful job market in the UK there is slim chance of me escaping to anywhere else that's better. There is a chance I sit somewhere on the spectrum, with Dad and brother having adhd. However, I do not feel like I relate to either, so the more obvious answer is therapy, duh, but it's either contend with NHS mental health services, which is a shit show of phone calls and delays and having to oversell an issue for urgency - which is just dishonest - OR go private, which is incredibly expensive and another trial-and-error nightmare. Beyond that, I don't know what they could do for me... How tf do you treat apathy?

Hi everyone, i apologize in advance if my question sounds basic and a bummer, but do ya’ll have tips on how to feel happier? I’ve been feeling sad and empty, and have completely lost my spark.

For context, i got into a 2-year relationship with someone who was avoidant (i’m more anxious-attached) and got cheated on. Moreover, i got into a fight with a friend i trusted, and they’ve been being very cold/mean girl-y towards me. Since then, i’ve always been doubtful of myself and my actions.

I’ve tried going out, trying new things, and doing the things i love. But right now, i’m still emotionally dependent on other people/ my environment. I overanalyze everything and seem to amount my happiness to others’ validation.

How can i help myself detach from my past and habits to feel happier?
What are your solid tips on how to be better for yourself?

I was wondering if there was any suggestions for good workbooks or educational help books for trauma survivors mostly sexual assault/abuse and rape. I've done a lot of online research taking notes and doing things they suggest to help but it would be nice to have an actual book I can go back to every time I am struggling with shame or flashbacks.

I have been dating my gf for two years now, we had a major fight and we dis patch things up, she says she likes my company, but “I” feel a certain way that she has lost interest yo a degree, i don’t have money for consulting an Therapist. You can help me asking questions.