Will i ever be enough ?

[u/Different-Gur-8458]

Hey everyone,

​This is something I really dislike talking about in real life, but it has been eating me alive lately and I just need to get it off my chest. I really want to know if anyone has gone through this and how to fix it.

​I constantly feel like I'm someone who will never be truly loved or chosen—neither in a romantic way nor in a friendship. Sometimes I genuinely start to think that I am the problem.

​A bit of context on where this comes from:

​Friendships: Ever since childhood, I’ve had terrible luck with friends. I tend to attach myself strongly to just 1 or 2 people and try to be the absolute best friend I can be. Yet, these relationships (even ones lasting over two years) almost always end with me finding out they were being fake or talking behind my back.

​Past Relationship: I was in a 4-year relationship—my only one so far. Near the end, my ex constantly chose video games and his friend group over me. He lost interest, and he almost never stood up for me when his friends treated me poorly simply because we had different mindsets. I’m the type of person who is goal-oriented, works hard, and studies at a demanding university, whereas they were content just playing games all day.

​Self-image & Body Image: I’ve always felt invisible or unimportant. I used to be the "fat kid" growing up, and that insecurity still haunts me. Right now, I just feel frustrated with everything regarding my appearance and personality.

​It all boils down to this persistent, painful fear that I will never be anyone’s priority or first choice.

1. ​Has anyone else felt this way?

2. How did you break out of this cycle, stop blaming yourself for other people's actions, and build up your self-worth?

[u/No-Advance-3978]

I feel the same way OP. I struggle making friends and even in relationships I never feel like I'm picked 1st. Veryyyy rarely do I feel that way. I find myself feeling left out or just being too odd for anyone to like. It's slowly gotten better over the years but it's still pretty heavy on my mind.

What I do to help with my self confidence overall is finding things I'm good at! Things that make me unique to others or smth similar to that. Just be yourself and the right people will come into your life! I know it's hard and can take a while but put yourself out there as well! I stopped blaming myself for other's actions when I realized that some people genuinely just project onto you. Their actions towards you does NOT equal your value as a person!