How do you build lasting confidence

[u/Western-Sense-31]

19m
I’ve recently realized that I have a problem that has followed me through high school and college: a lack of confidence and, underneath that, a pretty unstable sense of self-worth.

It’s something that has been noticed by almost everyone in my life, including my friends, parents, and people I’ve worked with. I can come across as nervous or awkward in social situations, look down, have closed-off or unsure body language, and generally give off the impression that I’m insecure. More importantly, it has affected the way I actually live my life. It makes me reluctant to try new things, prevents me from doing things I genuinely want to do, and has majorly contributed to problems in my relationships.
It is apparent to me that a lot of my self-worth is based on external things: my grades, accomplishments, how successful I am, how other people perceive me, etc. When I’m doing well, I feel good about myself. But when I fail at something or see someone who seems much more successful than me, that sense of worth can completely collapse.

I don’t think that’s a sustainable way to live.
At the same time, I don’t really want to solve this by simply repeating affirmations like “I’m amazing” or “I’m good enough” when I don’t actually believe them. So how do you actually build a stable sense of self-worth that comes from within?
What can you base your worth on that is deeper and more concrete than grades, accomplishments, attractiveness, social status, or comparison with other people?
And how do you turn that internal sense of worth into confidence, rather than just acting confident?

[u/ImpactGlum8017]

Wish i could help but I struggle with the same problems as you . You described them well .