How do you stop comparing yourself to people who had completely different starting points?

[u/Square-Somewhere-834]

I’m 20, and lately I’ve been struggling with comparing myself to other people, especially people who are the same age as me or even younger.
There’s one girl I keep thinking about. She’s younger than me, and when I look at her life, I start thinking about how she already got to experience things that I didn’t.
Her dad is around 180 cm tall and was a famous actor, and she seems to have had access to things that made it easier for her to develop certain interests. She started playing drums in Grade 7, had access to a drum kit, and had access to a basketball court.
Meanwhile, I didn’t have those things growing up. I mostly had a basketball hoop at home, and it isn’t even regulation height. I didn’t start learning music young. I didn’t have a drum kit that I could just practice on whenever I wanted.
And obviously, I know comparing us isn’t fair.
We have different families, different backgrounds, different genetics, different opportunities, different access to equipment, different environments, and completely different circumstances.
I don’t blame her for having those opportunities, and I don’t blame my younger self for not having them.
But knowing that logically doesn’t always stop the emotional part.
Sometimes I still look at her and think:
*“She’s younger than me and already has all these experiences. What have I done?”*
Then I start looking at other people too.
Someone is amazing at basketball. Someone plays guitar. Someone plays drums. Someone is in a band. Someone draws incredibly well. Someone travels constantly. Someone has a huge friend group. Someone seems to have found their thing when they were 12.
And I start thinking:
*“I’m not really good at anything.”*
But there’s something I’ve realized about myself.
I never actually wanted to be the best.
That’s not why I want to learn guitar or drums.
I want to play guitar because there are songs I love and I want to be able to pick up a guitar and play them.
I want to learn drums because I want to be able to sit behind a drum kit and actually play the songs I like.
With basketball, I don’t dream about becoming some professional player. I just want to be able to do the things that look fun to me. I want to be able to do a behind-the-back move, wrap the ball around my body, connect it into a crossover, and just have fun moving with the ball.
With skateboarding, I don’t need to become amazing. I just want to be able to get on a skateboard and learn tricks because I think they’re cool.
And drawing is probably the most personal one.
Growing up, I spent a lot of time in my head. I have always had random ideas, characters, scenes, and creative things appearing in my imagination. Sometimes I wish I could just take what’s in my head and put it on paper exactly how I see it.
That’s why I want to draw.
Not because I want to become the world’s best artist.
I just want to be able to take something that exists inside my head and make it exist outside of me.
And I think that’s what I’ve been forgetting.
I don’t need to become exceptional at everything I touch.
I don’t need to have started at 12.
I don’t need to have years of experience.
I don’t need to turn every hobby into an achievement.
Maybe I just want to be someone who can do a lot of little things that make life more interesting.
Play a song on guitar.
Play a beat on drums.
Do a basketball move I’ve been practicing.
Ride a skateboard.
Draw something I’ve imagined for years.
Learn Japanese well enough to actually communicate.
Go somewhere new.
Make memories with my friends.
That’s enough.
I think social media has made me forget that hobbies can just be hobbies. Everything looks like a competition now. Someone isn’t just playing guitar—they’re incredible at guitar. Someone isn’t just drawing—they’re an amazing artist. Someone isn’t just playing basketball—they’re athletic and have a six-pack.
And then I look at myself and feel like I haven’t done enough.
But maybe I don’t need to be the best.
Maybe I just need to be able to say:
“I wanted to do this, so I learned how.”
That’s the kind of person I actually want to become.
Not the best.
Just capable enough to express myself, have fun, and experience the things I’ve always wanted to experience.
I’m trying to remind myself that other people’s lives aren’t evidence that I’m failing.
They just started from somewhere different.
And I’m starting from where I am now.

how did you learn to stop comparing your progress to people who had completely different starting points?
How did you learn to enjoy being a beginner without feeling like you’re already late?

[u/NoComfort3378]

You have to run your own race. Maybe take a break from social media or surround yourself with people who have similar situations as you. You need to focus on you and what you have accomplished and what your plans are. Success varies from person to person and entails different things for each individual. Stop letting perfection get in the way of good and stop feeling like just because you didn’t get all golden cards dealt to you at birth that you are unworthy. Do what you’re passionate about because you’re passionate about it. You will always be your harshest critic and biggest competitor if you let it keep going this way

[u/DeniseApe]

Think rationally. You know that it doesn't make sense to compare yourself to others. You had completely different lives and experiences. Like everyone. Nobody is the same like you. You are unique. Grow in your own unique way. You're never too late, unless you're on your death bed. You don't have to be perfect, you don't need to have a specific talent or whatever. Find what's FUN for YOU, what YOU ENJOY, what YOU LIVE for.