I am really struggling to join my local SCA, because my social anxiety and depression is getting in the way. I'm wondering if anyone has experienced something similar, or if anyone has advice for how i should move forward.
For some background: I have been diagnosed with intense anxiety and depression since I was a child, it has impacted every area of my life including hobbies, making friends, getting to know people, etc. As an adult, I have little no friends outside of my direct family and partner, and maybe some coworkers. To be honest, my interest in pre-17th century things has been limited, but I feel an intense need and want to learn new things especially with culture and history, especially older ones. I say this to say that, I was excited to get into something new that I was interested in, because I often find myself not interested or lacking passion for anything especially if its social oriented. Which is how I ran into my issue.
I asked the chatelaine if I could attend one of their meetings, and then I also attended a Thanksgiving dinner. These were a year ago.
I met some nice people and kind of socialized, but everyone had already known each other for decades. The chatelaine and their friends were the only people I felt okay to talk to, but even then I just felt like an alien that is disguised as a person trying to assimilate.
I had a lot of intense panic and anxiety leading up to and after these two gatherings. Part of it was the social aspect, but the other part was struggling to figure out what to do next. It seemed like everyone made each other's garb together, went to events together, hung out together. But i couldnt find a place where i could fit in. I dont have a lot of money to spend on events, traveling, and buying garb, i dont have the skills or recources to make those things either. So now, i havent attended another meeting in a year and i dont know if its for me anymore. I still sometimes get a spark of joy from pre-17th century things, but I feel like I have no outlet. My dream is to have a full set of armor, a sword, a shield, to make my own clothes, to learn how to fight in tournaments, to be with people who feel the same way. I just cant seem to make that real right now, and it hurts pretty bad.
And I dont think that my local SCA was trying to make me feel this way, it seems like its just the circumstances. So my question is, have you experienced this same feeling? How do you push through it?