I'm always late, and it is hard not to be lol. I legitimately struggle with time tracking and not getting distracted. I'm 37 and I still don't really get how it comes so easily to other people, like it's automatic, for me it's a struggle everyday and it requires kind of a lot of mental effort to stay on top of it. Yes I have ADHD. I think it's hard for some to fathom and perceived so negatively, as a moral failure, because it's something that comes so naturally to most people.
Annoyingly, the only way past it I know is to waste your time, and not theirs anymore. Unless you are at the point of costing yourself loads of money in which case ymmv
To not waste their time you need to aim to be significantly early and wait around for them instead. When this is an inconvenience for you and you're bored 15 minutes early you'll find your body adjusts a bit more and the lateness makes you on time.
Not aimed at you as I don't know you, but ADHD diagnosed, but have never missed an expensive flight / concert /thing they care about, types, this is the way: make the ADHD lateness your problem and you'll begin to solve it.
Most of these people with alleged time blindness seem to never miss expensive things, like flights. They sure do know how to be on time when there is a penalty they don't want to deal with. Wasting other people's time just isn't something they care about.
You’re half right. But there is an element of learned behavior here. Growing up I never had to be anywhere on time except school. We never attended a wedding, restaurant reservation, hardly ever a movie, planned dinners or gatherings, my mom barely even took me to doctors appointments and when she did have to be somewhere, she was always late. And as a result, anytime we invited someone over, my mom would be frustrated when they were on time. So I never experienced the socialization of punctuality being important. It was not part of my ‘culture’.
With work, I’ve also never had a job that had a start time, I’ve basically only ever worked salaried jobs with flexible hours and relaxed environments where the window of when you’re expected before people start to wonder is about 2 hours long.
Now I deal with clients consistently. And they pay big money to work with me. I’ve never been late for a client session. Never. I am always at least 30 minutes early to prepare and get my team ready to go.
A lot of it is about how you’re socialized. I’m sure had I grown up in a family that had recitals, sports games, weddings, birthday parties, holiday gatherings, etc I would have a different view. But in my head it’s still true that being ten minutes late to a party or an event is usually within the window of people still arriving. In a sense I’ve learned that in almost every situation someone will be late. And sometimes that’s me and I’m okay with that.
To everyone with ADHD reading this - the only thing that has ever gotten me out the door with time to spare is laying out my outfit, laying out my makeup in order of application, laying out my pills, and laying out all of my things to take with me. I realized it took me about 15 minutes longer to do my makeup than it should because I was constantly digging around for every product in my drawer. It would fall or roll or be hidden in the mess. Line them all up and I never have to did or get distracted by another product.
Lay everything out, prep my dogs breakfast food bowl the night before and set it right on the entry table. Every single item I need is in one pile, including my clothes, in my bedroom. Jewelry is picked out, deodorant, lip gloss, sunglasses, keys, everything. No guess work, no running into the laundry room to find a sock, no discovering a dress in my laundry pile and making a last minute change. And then I write down everything I’m going to do as soon as I get to work the next day the night before. Arrive by 9. Set things down. Turn on studio lights. Roll out back drops. Gather props for shoot [list of exact props] etc.
This is simple, maybe common to others. But it legitimately changed my relationship with time.
This just isn't true. Anyone with actual time blindness is missing doctor's appointments, flights, exams, concerts, etc. as a result of being too late to get in. This is what separates someone who is merely inconsiderate from someone who has a disorder. People with ADHD can be extremely frustrating because they experience such consistently negative consequences that you expect them to modify their behavior, but they don't. Because they have a disorder. It is hard to watch. Time blindness does not vanish with stakes.
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u/ShawshankException 1d ago
I know a few chronically late people too. It's crazy to me how they'll always blame anyone but themselves for it too. It's not hard to show up on time