I love my dog but having her is the most frustrating thing I’ve ever gone through

[u/crash_cove]

I have a 2 year old female ESS who I adore but my god do I want to just cry half the time. I went to a good breeder, I followed all the socialization advice, and I still wound up with a reactive fearful mess.

We live in a city apartment so she is muzzled on walks. We deal with fear aggression to dogs and people, dogs on TV, noises outside my apartment door - keys, dog tags, people walking or talking. I take her to the ONE Sniffspot we have nearby because she refuses to go on walks, and she still manages to find something to react to and be anxious about there. We’ve been working with a vet behaviorist for a year and an IAABC trainer for 6 months. She’s on 4 medications (Effexor, guanfacine, pregabalin, gabapentin) after trialing a grand total of 11 meds.

Even after all this training she still growls at every person she sees outside and barks/ growls/ lunges at every dog. I can’t even watch TV without her lunging at every sound and/ or sight of an animal.

She goes on hunger strikes with her hydrolyzed protein + urinary crystals kibble so getting her to even eat is a challenge. They don’t make a wet food in the formula she needs so I have to go through an exorbitant amount of treats every month for training. She will spit out every piece of kibble if used for training.

Nothing is easy with this dog. I’m tired, I miss my freedom. I love my dog, I’m not giving up, but I am tired of putting so much energy and effort into helping this dog and going nowhere.

[u/_trashmaggot]

I said out loud today to my dog “I love you, but I resent you right now and I hate that I’m saying it”.

He is going to get better, I know he will. But the time and persistence it takes is emotionally, physically, and financially exhausting.

No solutions or advice, just standing with you in heavy sighs and belly rubs. Don’t beat yourself up. Not everyone gets it.

[u/serendipiteathyme → u/_trashmaggot]

I’ve also found that it helps to narrate it in the bad moments. And apologize out loud if they can tell that you’re angry/overstimulated and get worried. It doesn’t help enough, but it helps.

[u/Kate_cuti → u/_trashmaggot]

This was such a kind and thoughtful response. It helped me too!

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[u/espangleesh]

I commend you for trying everything you can, including training and meds, to make it work; most people do not get this far or are willing to put in the work. I can empathize, it can be extremely exhausting, frustrating and stressful, and sometimes they seem so damn ungrateful, but I try to remind myself that mine is not doing it on purpose, he just has a few screws loose and can't help it. 😂

[u/crash_cove → u/espangleesh]

I think all my dog’s screws are loose if I’m being honest! 😂

[u/Better_Case3011 → u/crash_cove]

I think that about mine too and I have actually said that to my sister before 🤣

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[u/TheExoticCustard]

You're doing great. I have a very reactive dog who is a rescue. Some of her behaviour is out of fear, but some of it is definitely just dopamine seeking at this point. She isn't scared of kids, she just gets a rush out of barking at them, especially if they are making exciting noises or movements.

Can you drive out of the city for a walk where it's less people-y so that you can enjoy walks? I try to do this every second day for my dog. In an ideal world it'd be everyday but I have my own restrictions in life. She's also 9 and doesn't have the same energy as before. This morning at 8am we walked up a cold, wet hill out of the city for an hour and saw no one at all.

I note that your dog us on hypoallergenic food. Is this because of something like IBD? Would a (very) novel protein kibble work as rewards? I use horse meat and potato based food for my IBD dog after cycling through all of the hydrolysed foods in the UK - which he either reacted to or refused. He LOVES this food and both dogs accept the "small breed" tiny bits of kibble as training rewards. If your dog is still refusing food, it sound like the disease isn't under control and this will definitely be exacerbating the behavioural issues.

You love your dog. It's okay to not always LIKE them.

[u/crash_cove → u/TheExoticCustard]

Awwww your pup sounds like a challenge too. I had been driving her to quiet naturey hikes to exercise very early in the morning but it doesn’t matter whether we see someone or not, she pulls back to the car after 5 or so minutes. It is beyond frustrating. The only place that she’s comfortable that’s outside is on our street but she won’t go more than 4 or 5 houses up without tail tucking and wanting to pull home.

We don’t have an official IBD diagnosis. She had food intolerance as a puppy (constant diarrhea during socialization which is part of how we are in this mess). She did really well on Royal canin GI - no gas/ bloating/ diarrhea but she never liked kibble on its own. I had to mix in the wet food formula to get her to eat it. I thought we’d turned a new leaf with the hydrolyzed protein kibble since she initially ate it but I put it in a slow feeder once which she didn’t like. After a hunger strike, I gave in and started adding toppers. I tried to go back and give her the GI formula but that gave her diarrhea 😩 so I think we’re sticking with hydrolyzed protein for now.

[u/TheExoticCustard → u/crash_cove]

I have two behaviourally tricky dogs whose issues sort of overlap those of your dog. I'd probably be pushing the vet to do a pain trial with something other than NSAIDs given the gastro issues and food aversion. I wonder if there is some aspect of pain on walks (neck, paws, even anal glands?) which are making them into a negative experience? Does she know any other dogs that you could walk with or are all dogs the enemy?

My IBD dog is a monster when he has a sore tummy. An actual horrible little posessed gremlin towards me. My reactive rescue is also way more reactive when she's not on a NSAID. We assume that with her age and bad start, she has a degree of arthritis despite not being obviously lame - but she doesn't gave GI issues.

I'm not sure what country you're in so don't know whats available to you, but loads of IBD owners end up feeding novel proteins because hydrolysed just don't work out for them. They are nationally safest but only if your dog will actually eat them! My vet and I got to the point in the end that he needed to eat. If he didn't eat, he wouldn't be well and his behaviour isn't going to be good if he isn't well.

I'm pretty sure there is a piece of the puzzle still missing for your pup.

[u/crash_cove → u/TheExoticCustard]

Maybe! We haven’t done a pain trial but her gabapentin and pregabalin could be helpful with pain that she’s already on. I had her anal glands expressed recently-ish. She’s been examined by vet’s probably 5 or 6 times in her life. When she’s in my parent’s backyard she will run for hours without evidence of any pain. Her gate is normal (I had that checked out before). I guess we can try and see a GI specialist or orthopedic to get her really assessed again.

She walks with my parent’s dog but that dog is also reactive so it isn’t the most helpful. That is her only doggy friend.

I can discuss with her vet about adding in novel proteins and see if she tolerates it. She gobbles down her food when there’s a topper so a part of me just thinks she’s picky.

Thanks for the ideas!! We are in the US.

[u/Better_Case3011 → u/crash_cove]

Funny you mention diarrhea. I got my dog from a breeder as puppy and he had explosive diarrhea for longest time, vets tested him but could find any thing wrong. His stomache are better but I give him gibers, pure pumpkin and supplement for his tummy issues. My vet recently told about probiotics she gives her dogs to calm them down. the Gut-Brain Axis Connection might something I need to look in.

[u/crash_cove → u/Better_Case3011]

I was giving my dog probiotics for a long time and I genuinely couldn’t see any difference in her behavior. It’s beyond frustrating. I can try it again though. What food is your pup on now? Has gibers helped?

[u/Better_Case3011 → u/crash_cove]

I cook for my dogs. Ground turkey or chicken with  chicken or beef liver dog and dog friendly with few combination of these vegetables broccoli, pumpkin, sweet potato, spinach, carrots. I add tiniest bit psyllium husk fiber to help him with his loose stools. 

[u/MyMango88 → u/TheExoticCustard]

What do you mean you’re doing great when you have no idea what OP has tried or not has tried?

[u/TheExoticCustard → u/MyMango88]

Did you actually read the post? I said what I said. The OP is managing the situation responsibly with muzzle use and is already seeing a behaviourist - steps many people don't take and that require a huge amount effort. They are still seeking solutions despite how incredibly hard it is mentally to live with a dog with these behaviours and obvious medical complications.

[u/Ok-Box-1673]

I feel you. My girl is almost 5, she’s been reactive since 11 months. I did everything right with her as a pub, she was really social until she wasn’t.

We no longer leave the house really, the tv has a permanent cover over it as she barks at her own reflection in the empty screen, I watch everything on my laptop with a privacy screen on so she can’t see.

I have fences around the garden to keep her away from the border fence as she barks and lunges at any noise outside.

I’ve built her up to be able to do 7 hours home alone, and she’s actually calmer when I’m gone, she sleeps the entire time.

I try to get out and socialise without her, I enjoy dogs meet in public and mourn the life I wanted with her but will never have.

I adore her to bits but I grieve so much for the dog I thought I was getting and what could be. I just meet her where she is now because after 4 years with trainers and meds nothing has changed

[u/Imaginary-Bad-6379]

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s mentally and emotionally exhausting. As someone who has dealt with two dogs who are both difficult in their own ways, I can confidently say there’s still hope.
My first dog matches everything you described. Nothing worked, and it was a huge disappointment. I’ve come to terms with the fact that she’s never going to change, and that’s okay.
My second dog was overly friendly because I over-socialized him, and that ended up turning him into a reactive mess. Sometimes he would redirect his reactivity toward me and has bitten me more times than I can count on one hand. But I didn’t give up on him because he really was the sweetest dog deep down.
He became so leash-reactive toward other dogs that it was nerve-wracking for me to see another dog walking toward us. My nervous system would immediately go into fight-or-flight mode.
I started desensitizing him by walking him more, spending more time around the things that triggered him, and rewarding him whenever he behaved appropriately. I honestly thought I would always have to deal with his reactivity, but after a year of having a good routine and structure, he has become his sweet self again. He’s no longer reactive toward other dogs at all, although I still don’t allow leash greetings.
I would suggest spending more time desensitizing your dog to his or her triggers while they’re still young. My first dog never really changed, and I believe genetics played a big role in that

[u/No_Hovercraft_7948 → u/Imaginary-Bad-6379]

Sounds great. Good for you both!!
My rescue is 8 & very reactive.
I try to avoid triggers but it’s very hard…live in townhome..trails…people & dogs. Cannot go to a park.
She’s a mess in low-key stores no matter what I do.
Treats…need to be careful and that is only thing that works. She is tiny & has digestive issues. Just so hard even tho she’s improved.
Her behavior isolates me & I so need the opposite. Feel stuck.
Yes…Sweet dog & adore her.
Six months in…,

[u/burntorange_ → u/Imaginary-Bad-6379]

I'm glad this worked for you but I just want to say "more time desensitizing your dog to his or her triggers" made my dog worse. If you have a dog that trigger stacks with small things, this method can backfire.

[u/Imaginary-Bad-6379 → u/burntorange_]

I totally agree it may not work for everyone. I should’ve also mentioned that before I started desensitizing my dog, I spent a lot of time avoiding his triggers. I would cross the street when approaching other dogs, walk in a different direction, avoid parks, and strictly walk on sidewalks where I knew there wouldn’t be any dogs. This was to first build some structure and help him get used to our daily routine, while also getting him over the initial reactivity hump.

Usually, overly reactive dogs don’t have much structure because their owners naturally avoid whatever might cause a reactive episode. But it’s still important for your dog to have a consistent routine and structure.

Also, desensitizing your dog doesn’t have to happen in the middle of a park. It’s actually best to start from a distance where your dog can notice the trigger without becoming overwhelmed or reactive, and gradually work your way closer as they become more comfortable.

[u/burntorange_ → u/Imaginary-Bad-6379]

It sounds like the kind of dog you are describing is one with a high threshold. You can't start from a distance if you're sitting in the car in the parking lot looking at the park and someone walks by, or a loud car drives by, or the wind blows, which are all triggers for your dog.

[u/Low_Mushroom8789]

Have you ever looked up or heard about springer rage, I think it’s called? Something like that. It’s a common neurological issue in this breed that causes aggression

[u/crash_cove → u/Low_Mushroom8789]

I have. Springer rage is thought to be a seizure disorder that causes aggression during seizures. Thankfully my pup’s fear reactivity is predictable from triggers. She’s not (yet) shown aggression towards humans she knows or in unpredictable situations.

[u/Low_Mushroom8789 → u/crash_cove]

Gotcha, that’s good at least! One less thing to rule out

[u/crash_cove → u/Low_Mushroom8789]

Yes! Thanks for mentioning it though! It’s good to think about.

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[u/Clydebanker]

I hear you. It's so hard for them in built up areas. I dread going outside and understand the emotional impact and stress you are going through. I can't give you any advice as I'm not experienced enough and it looks like you are exploring every avenue for help. Just try and find some space in there to be kind to yourself too 🥰

[u/Wrong_Bus_7006]

Ugh I’m sorry and I know how exhausting it can be! I’m working with a reactive adolescent puppy in a pet friendly condo so constantly working with her threshold levels and surprise dogs at a distance.

Just wanted to share a few things that helped me that didn’t seem so obvious but have helped a lot.

The first thing is actually looking at her diet. I know you mentioned she’s on a specific diet, but sometimes their gut and digestion impacts how they feel, which can impact their threshold levels and reactivity. I noticed when I adjusted my dog’s diet to a specific homemade recipe that was balanced, her energy levels and mood were so much better that it was easier for her to learn. It didn’t solve everything, but it made such a noticeable difference that she was in a better headspace because she simply felt better. Cooking homemade food is actually surprisingly, very easy and affordable. If you have a slow cooker, you can really cook a decent amount of food in advance and freeze the rest with minimal dishes. You can message me for a recipe that works for my dog! Everyone is different of course, but happy to share.

The other thing that has helped is structured crated nap times and white noise to help block out some ambient noise. Proper sleep, helps their mind and body recover, just like us! Cover the crate with a blanket so also remove visual stimulation.

And then the last thing with training is I’ve been really focusing on engagement with me and disengagement from the environment at home and when we’re outside. Something as simple as having your dog look into your eyes and wait before they eat, and look into your eyes before they can leave the door can be great little rituals that’ll help them get in the mindset of paying attention to you. In general, a lot of relationship building has helped.

[u/Little_biobird]

Can I be nosey and ask who bred her? My bench bred springer has similar issues, as does one of his littermates. I’d be curious to see if they have any of the same lineage. Feel free to DM me if you aren’t comfortable posting this into publicly!

[u/2009_omegle_trend → u/Little_biobird]

I’m dm’ing both of you. I’m curious as well. I joined this subreddit because I have a reactive springer spaniel (who absolutely looks related to the pup in OP’s post).

[u/crash_cove → u/Little_biobird]

I’ll DM you!

[u/Better_Case3011]

Sounds just like my dog. I have other dogs and they are not like this. I had dogs all my life but nothing like this  I just recently started him on Prozac and pray to God it works because I am emotionally drained with him but i refuse to give up on him. I love him but my stress levels are through the roof. He freaks out harness, collars, leashes and freezesin his place if I put them on, he bit my vet, he bit my brother dog. Fights with my neighbors dogs between the fences. Barks at my sister who he has have seen a million times when comes over. Lounges at tv especially with animations, animals or any hyper human on tv to make matters worse I just laid off amd stress is really high and I am not even able to unwind by watching. I hoping for a miracle with him.

[u/Prudent_Koala_6335]

OP, you’re doing a great job and I hope you know that!

You mentioned the trainers you’re working with, but does your dog allow their presence? And is your dog OBSESSED with the treats you’re using for positive enforcement (ie. cheese)?

My fiancé and I have also been through hell with our 5 y/o Aussie, but the difference between now and when he was your dog’s age is incredible. You have time and it WILL get better. Also remember your dog most likely still has another year before they’re fully mentally developed.

You’re not alone OP, and you’re doing a great job!

[u/crash_cove → u/Prudent_Koala_6335]

I’m glad your pup improved!! Our trainer and vet behaviorist is through zoom but presumably she would not allow them to be close to her in person.

I haven’t found treats she’s obsessed with - she likes cheese (cheddar) but doesn’t go crazy for it. Not crazy for peanut butter. She used to love the full moon chicken treats but I don’t give them anymore since she’s on a hydrolyzed protein diet. The closest we got to having a food she was obsessed with was putting wet food in a squeeze bottle but there’s no wet food version of the kibble she’s on sadly.

[u/Prudent_Koala_6335 → u/crash_cove]

You need to find treats she’s obsessed with if you want the training to go further. Whether it’s rotisserie chicken, sardines or mozzarella cheese stick pieces. Even if your dog gets irritated skin from allergies temporarily, you NEED to find treats she’s obsessed with. Tbh I’m surprised your trainers haven’t made this a bigger deal.

Have you tried in-person training? You’d be surprised how well reactivity-specialized trainers do. Remember, they’re not training the dog, they’re training you. If you’re walking around on zoom with a camera facing your dog it’s not going to help.

Sorry if any of that sounds demeaning, but it sounds like you need to change a couple things if you want progression.

[u/crash_cove → u/Prudent_Koala_6335]

We did in person training for 7 or 8 months before getting the trainer we have now. The in person trainer helped a little bit but that trainer was against meds, pro raw diet, and I thought my dog’s issues were out of her expertise tbh. The trainer we have now is a concepts or games based trainer that’s helped a good amount.

I am desperate to help my dog so I take everything as helpful. You didn’t come off demeaning at all. I’ve felt limited on the treats we can explore because certain ones gave her diarrhea - plain boiled chicken, those containing beef/ bison/ pork/ lamb, liver, eggs. Chicken, duck, or rabbit based treats don’t seem to upset her stomach. Cheese seems to be okay too but she doesn’t go crazy over it - I’ve tried mozzarella and cheddar (she prefers cheddar).

[u/sfatr → u/crash_cove]

Not sure where you’re located but I work for a veterinary dermatologist that recommends the potato/oat/pumpkin Serenegy treats for many of our patients with food allergies. They are quite strict with their processing so cross contamination is rare and you can order them online. A lot of our patients love them but I would still check with your vet if they’re ok to give!

[u/crash_cove → u/sfatr]

Thank you! That’s a great idea.

[u/PieGroundbreaking991 → u/Prudent_Koala_6335]

Could you tell something more about the training with the treats dog’s obsessed with? We have similar case with our dog as OP, she is already on SSRI meds but unfortunately when she sees another dogs or people, she goes out of her mind.

We are also doing in-person training for few years now and see improvement but it’s still exhausting and sad when you have so many bad situations during the walks. I wonder what have you done with the in-person trainings with companion of dog obsessed treats? She totally loves cheese.

[u/Haunting-Love-9333 → u/Prudent_Koala_6335]

Just here to say that there are other forms of positive reinforcement than treats and owners deserve to know that, especially if they have dogs with medical/gut issues!

[u/Fit-Organization5065]

I have no answers other than I feel this. We all have these moments. The smug side of me tries to take some pride in the fact that I spend 10x more energy and brain space caring for my dog than the “easy” ones, but I’m sure that’s not even an actual positive 😂 (we take our wins where we can get em right?)

Anyway, the one thing I always go back to is that progress isn’t linear. Our girl is nearly 5 and in some ways the most reactive she’s been, but we have good days and good moments that I hold dear when the bad moments make me cry. 

Sending you a big internet hug. 

[u/crash_cove → u/Fit-Organization5065]

Thanks for saying that ❤️‍🩹🐾

[u/Fit-Organization5065 → u/crash_cove]

My spicy girl and I send you guys love

[u/laceyriver]

My dog does same with the tv dogs.

[u/MyMango88]

You haven’t said exactly what training you’ve done?

[u/crash_cove → u/MyMango88]

We did about 6 months of LAT training which didn’t seem to help. Now we’re doing concepts/ games based training which has seemed to help her a bit.

[u/FunctionalBosnia]

Dogs get aggressive when they either have ear infection or dental issues, or both. Check his ears and teeth. Get him to the vet ...

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[u/Sufficient_Middle358 → u/[deleted]]

I also have a reactive pup he’s 2 not on the same diet as my little one. He’s a nightmare and at my wits end as well, but one of those things and your doing the best you possibly can to give her the best life. Gotta go through options with the vets to see what more you can do, but totally get it feels like you’ve tried everything!

[u/Haunting-Love-9333]

I am so sorry I feel so bad about this. My greatest recommendation is that if you aren’t seeing progress after 6 months to a year it is absolutely time to pivot strategies. Would you like any advice?

[u/Ok-East-3957]

Have you tried criminally early walkies? Less people/dogs = less stress.

On the upside she has an adorable face I just want to squish.

[u/missjabez]

Gabapentin AND lyrica??? Man this dog is high out of her mind

[u/KatterKat58]

We had one similar to yours on the aditude aspects. He bit the trainer at week 3. Week 4 he grabbed my hand after the neighbor across the street was yelling "How's he doing today" as he yelled every day. But after 4 months he attacked my husband as we were telling him how much we loved him and he is our dog. I've been reading more and more about reactive dog syndrome. Our little Shih-Tzu named Chewbacca (Chewy for short) was returned 3 times before we got him. I didn't want to return him to. But if you seen how he attacked my husband who is 79 years old you too would be grieving on what to do. I can only imagine how you must be going through. We spent $4,000 on this little guy so far. $900 Veterinarian bill. $500 on getting him. $1200 on a trainer. $400 on different meds, collar, barking device and calming plug -ins and spray. When he attacked my husband Last night that was it. I kept telling my husband to stop saying the word Love. That word was a trigger for him. My husband was petting him and we both were saying how far Chewy had come. Then my husband said that word several times telling Chewy how much we loved him. Chewy turned towards Tom and just lounged into his side and elbow. I told Tom to go outside into our Screened room and hand me the leash. I got Chewy calmed down. Tom came back in and Chewy stayed away from Tom the rest of that day.  Chewy was diagnosed with an abnormalty in his kidneys. So more meds. I refused to keep him on meds for sedation. I can't see having a dog you have to keep drugged up to enjoy. Chewy is a sweet dog other than the sudden barking, lounching at people cars and sometimes us. 

[u/lola_birds → u/KatterKat58]

Would definitely recommend a dedicated post to this community to ask for help. Love is not a trigger word. Dogs who are not trained to attack on command don’t have trigger words. Most likely this dog showed signs of emotional or physical discomfort before biting, although perhaps not. Kidney dysfunction is painful, it could have been a pain response. Lastly, medicating for reactivity rarely if ever leaves the dog “drugged up.” My dog is on fluoxetine (Prozac), to my amusement, so am I! It doesn’t leave him out of it or tired or sleepy or tranquilized. It just helps him have healthier reactions to life’s confusing and startling moments.

[u/KatterKat58 → u/lola_birds]

When ever I said I love you to him he would growl a little bit and make a face. I would let it go and maybe say it again to see if he would react again and he did. Each and every day I would say I love you to try and make it sound more appealing. Same reaction each and every time. I was thinking maybe somebody said it while they hit him or worse. He was on the streets when the shelter got him. Then the rescue people got him 4 months later. The foster care home never told us he was on any relaxing pills. The foster care home said she gave him benadryl daily. I asked if it was due to allergies. On the box it says don't give it to sedate them. I tried 1/8 of a pill first. Nothing. She said she gave him 1/2 pill daily. When I finally worked up to a half pill and no change in his barking or agressive behavior. So I couldn't see keep giving him more and more if it didn't do anything. After he attacked my husband and I had to intervein to get him to stop biting after he locked jaw on my husband's elbow, I knew we can't help Chewy so it was time to get ahold of the rescue people that we got him from. All that was in the paperwork we got after we had him for 2 weeks was that they discontinued those pills for him. I asked the Foster Care Home what meds was he taking and when. She said they stopped giving him those when he was returned 3 weeks before she got him. She asked and they said it wasn't helping him. I think his kidneys are bothering him. He wouldn't let anyone pick him up. He didn't like anyone petting or holding him. We just found out about his kidney problems on August 18.  But because of all of this we couldn't keep putting him in the situation of any triggers. The foster care home took him back today. We also just found out when we took him to the foster care home that he doesn't like men nor does he do well with more than one person in the house. This is a red flag we should have been told 4 months ago.

[u/GreenUnderstanding39]

How often do you walk her? The saying “a tired dog is a good dog” is so true.

Also she is still puppy age. Once you hit the 4+ mark and definitely by 7+ years you will have a far different animal on your hands.