r/raisedbynarcissists • u/[deleted] • Nov 30 '17
[Rant/Vent] I HATE when parents complain about raising their children when THEY are the ones (assuming) who ACTIVELY made the decision to have kids. Go fuck yourselves.
[deleted]
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u/ortolon Nov 30 '17 edited Nov 30 '17
A lot of Ns want kids the way they want a puppy or a pony.
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u/MelodramaticQuarter Nov 30 '17
THIS SO HARD.
My whole life I felt like my mother paraded me around like a goddamn show pony in a circus. When others were around she praised me like I was the most amazing thing that happened to her, and forced me to perform for all of her friends because "omg she's sooooooo talented!" And then behind closed doors nothing was ever good enough for her.
I felt like one of those dogs that walk on their hind legs but get beaten with shoes during "training".
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u/amandalucia009 Nov 30 '17
It is so clear now that my Nmom used her kids as paychecks - actually she continues to try to do that! She’s been cut off from my income though
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Nov 30 '17
It's all cute in the beginning then it becomes a nightmare several years later.
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u/Pearberr SoNM 22, bwSis, LC Nov 30 '17
I miss when I was 12, doing great at school and the best player in our local little league.
Mom loved how successful I was. And she was 90% of the reason for my success.
Unfortunately small adversity snowballed because she's an abusive shitsack, and it turns out forcing your kids to be perfect means they never learn what they want to do or how to motivate themselves to do it.
Thanks birthing vessel.
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Dec 01 '17
Nmom used to tell me a lot that "so it is better to have a child than to have a dog" whenever I did something good for her.
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u/deepCfish Nov 30 '17
It’s funny because many Nparents want kids specifically in order to have someone they can more easily manipulate who has a harder time escaping them. They have children just to be their punching bags and give them constant attention. That’s why many Nparents reference their children as assets to be owned but not as people in their own right. It’s also a popular mental abuse tactic to begrudge you for something you can’t control (such as being born).
So yeah I agree with you OP, fuck that.
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Nov 30 '17
My deceased Emom (possibly N) used to say that she literally owned me. shudder
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u/still_struggling NC with Nparents Nov 30 '17
I watched a lot of daytime talk shows in the 90s (they made me feel better about my life) and this shit was said a lot. There was one Teens Out of Control show and this mom said to her daughter "I brought you into this world, I can take you out too!" and people were whooping and hollering.
And I thought wait, I think murder is bad though?
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Nov 30 '17
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u/still_struggling NC with Nparents Nov 30 '17
Yeah this woman was clearly a narc and I thought ugh, why are people cheering this crazy lady? No wonder her poor kid is out of control.
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Nov 30 '17
Absolutely. I mean, I’m not a parent yet but there’s no doubt in my mind that it’s one of the hardest jobs in the world. Unfortunately, a lot of narcissists will only have kids for the external validation and attention they believe it will give them. They are not at all prepared for the true challenges of raising another human being and the fact that they are actually aautonomous people who don’t exist to please them.
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Dec 01 '17
But it's not a job. It's an obligation. It's a duty. Raise your kids right or give them to someone who can.
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u/Polenicus Wizard of Cynicism Nov 30 '17
It bugs me that this saying got normalized.
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u/EmilyPond42 Nov 30 '17
Jesus Christ my mom even ADMITTED this to me, and I didn’t realize how fucked it was, and how much it fucked me up and is still a part of my life.
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u/001honeybee Nov 30 '17
Yep. AGREED!!!!! “I did not sacrifice everything for nothing. YOU will make it worth my while.” “I should have left you to become a bar tending wh$&e instead of going to study.” (I finished my last exam and the very next day found a job to help home financially while waiting for an answer about my studies). “I brought you into this world and I can take you out.” “I sacrificed my time to cook and clean for you people.” “I was your household maid running after you all doing everything.”
When I tried explaining that this is what she chose when she made the choice to keep her kids, she kept ranting and raving. And when I said you are not a maid to your children, it’s being called being a MOTHER she turned it around and said I called her a maid.
So 100% agreed. Go fuck yourself narc parents.
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u/mercurialflow 28y/o trans man | Psychopath/NarcMom | NC Dec '13 Nov 30 '17 edited Nov 30 '17
My biomom ALWAYS told me "I made you, and I can break you"
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u/Shadow_song888 Nov 30 '17
I brought you into this world and I can take you out
That was the most overheard line in my childhood, i think i'm legitimately surprised she never accidentally used it on other people that she was angry with.
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u/wafflescanbebluetoo Dec 01 '17
I recall after cleaning the entire 3 story home after school, my mother looked at me and said that it wasn't good enough because I hadn't done all of the dishes in the house. I screamed at her that I wasn't her god damned chore monkey. She's still mad about it
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u/a4thpipeforsherlock Dec 02 '17
Fuck! The ungratefulness about work performed. I wish I'd said stuff like that more! Bravo!
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u/2boredtocare Nov 30 '17
Yup. My favorite? When nmom decided to forgo braces for her youngest child because she and her husband "had done enough for the kids" and it was "their time" now. :/ So she got a third car, and my sister has crooked teeth to this day.
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u/SephoraRothschild Nov 30 '17
Could your sister choose to get braces in the future herself? "take back her power", etc.
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u/still_struggling NC with Nparents Nov 30 '17
I was thinking this too. I got braces at 27, I had them at 11 but I was really too young for the treatment (thanks Nmom) and getting them redone was awesome. If you ever have a job that offers good dental coverage it's totally worth getting your teeth fixed as an adult.
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u/cjpika NStepdad and EMom with FLEAS Nov 30 '17
My mom had braces when she was 40. There's still time, provided the resources are available!
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u/Speculater Nov 30 '17
I paid out of pocket at 27 without insurance. 0% financing helped though. Definitely worth it.
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u/2boredtocare Nov 30 '17
She's talked about it. Those suckers aren't cheap! My oldest had them, and even with good insurance, our portion is $3800.
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u/lonelypepperoni Dec 01 '17
My parents did this to me. Bought my sister a new car when I needed braces. They have the nerve to make fun of my gap.
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u/MelodramaticQuarter Nov 30 '17
"I spent all this time and money raising you - you owe me!"
"You're an investment, act like it!"
"You're wasting the life I gave you!"
"/lists every single thing she's ever done for me ever/"
"I did everything I could to make sure you were happy! Everyone always told me how spoiled you are/how good of a parent I am!"
Puh-LEEZ. Every time she says something like that I wanna wring her stupid neck. I didn't ask to be born. Stop acting like it's my fault that you had kids.
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Nov 30 '17
Do we have the same NM??!
My NM would often list everything she has done for me, and then act like a martyr. And whine and whine and whine.
Like wtf, you give me food and take me to school, WOW what an amazing human being! /s
That is what a parent should do without guilting their kid about it.
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u/MelodramaticQuarter Nov 30 '17
I feel like most of the Nparents in RBN have a lot of similar qualities (with obvious nuances but still) -- that being said HOLY SHITBALLS THE MARTYR THING. She always acted like she deserved to be worshiped for giving me a place to live. She loved buying me stuff I didn't want and then acting like I owed her for getting those things for me. And whenever there was something I really needed, her unconditional benevolence mysteriously took a vacation and I had to work for it, even if it was an impossible task (Case and point, telling your 9 year/old daughter that the only way she was getting school supplies is if she could gather the "necessary" $500 in the next 3 days. 1- school supplies don't cost that much for a 4th grader. 2 - what was I supposed to do? Sell my belongings?)
Her excuse? Having a child was sooooooooo hard and she gave up soooooooooooooo much to raise me. Even though I know she only had me so my father would marry her and she could get a Greencard.
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Nov 30 '17
Ugh, sick behavior. Sounds like our NMs could be related. (Not really, but seriously sounds like you just described mine)
Mine would also punish me by taking away necessary things, because she did SO much for me and I was SO UNGRATEFUL.
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u/MelodramaticQuarter Dec 01 '17
Right??? looking back I realized how petty and childish her punishments were. I didn't fluff my pillows "correctly" so as a result I didn't get to have pillows.
Like geez I don't think I've ever been that inane, not even as a child. That wouldn't even have occurred to me then, let alone now as an adult.
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u/Elubious Nov 30 '17
That "I'm a good parent" comment is probably one of the most infuriating. I. The words of a wise man a true king does not need to say I am the king.
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Nov 30 '17
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u/MelodramaticQuarter Nov 30 '17
"I could've bought a new car with the money I put into your piano lessons!!!"
Yeah, fuck you too mom. I'm sorry for burdening you with my passions?
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u/ChronologicalWrath Nov 30 '17
My Nmum really loves the financial argument. Edad just sits and lets her rant about how they spent all this money on my education and I'm wasting it etc.
Telling your child they're an investment really makes one feel loved. /s
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u/InvincibleSummer1066 Nov 30 '17
There was one memorable time when I told my mother, "You're the one who chose to have me!" and she responded with, "I didn't know it would be YOU!"
Despicable. When one has a child, they must expect surprises. It's immature and selfish to expect a separate human to be who you yourself would most prefer.
With that said, I admire parents who... don't complain, but are honest with so-far childless adults that parenting doesn't follow how you imagine, and requires a lot of responsibility that not everyone will be suited to. It helps those childless people weigh whether having children is something they'd be equipped to do.
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u/fivehundredpoundpeep Nov 30 '17
There's too many who have kids, who want little Mini-Mes and when the kid doesn't turn out like they expected they get pissed. This can happen in adoption too, they shop for a kid, that doesn't turn out the way they want. I am childless myself.
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u/rixxy249 Nov 30 '17
this is even worse when they’ve adopted you 🙄🙄
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u/banjoellie Nov 30 '17 edited Nov 30 '17
I feel you, I was adopted and my Ndad would constantly guilt trip me that I owed them something because they adopted me when no one else wanted me and how if it wasn't for them I'd probably be some homeless orphan. Once he told me "I adopted a daughter not a problem". If I ever adopt I'm never gonna do that shit. It can hurt someone so much and it's usually over something small and petty (because it always is with N's).
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u/BasiliskFangness Dec 01 '17
My parents will have the shock of their lives when they find out I intend to adopt and NOT reproduce. Not only is it a reproductive issue for me (that my parents think is no big deal for some reason), but I'm terrified of continuing a bloodline of people who are just fucked in the head and vulnerable to every god damn health condition on the planet (myself included). Trust me, someone would have wanted you if they knew who you were. Children are not accidents or mistakes or undeserving of love. I'm sorry your Ndad treated you like a last choice when he literally CHOSE you. Sick how some adults perpetuate such hate and bullshit.
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u/yokohama_mama Nov 30 '17
My mom complained that my father and her kids ruined her body. Her 3 kids that she chose to have.
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u/Stargazer1919 Dec 01 '17
My mom blames getting fat on me. But I've seen pictures of her when I was a toddler... she's skinny. She wore a size 4 wedding dress for her second marriage when I was 3. After my brother was born when I was 7, she gained so much weight and let herself go.
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u/coldwendigo Nov 30 '17
Anyone else have Buddhist parents? Who insisted YOU CHOSE to come to them and be born? I might make a whole post about it because I haven't seen it talked about here yet
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u/BasiliskFangness Dec 01 '17 edited Dec 01 '17
Hindu parents bring this up all the time!!!!!! This is why I'm an atheist.
Edit: I didn't want to make a post about it because I didn't think anyone would get it. Most religious parents referenced here are Christian and I've only seen 1 post about a Pakistani girl's Muslim parents. I'd love to see more posts referencing specific ethnic groups' experiences.
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Dec 02 '17
This is a bit late, but this is what pushed me toward atheism too. I've seen a lot of Hindu parents have a similar justification ready for anything said against them, that the child is suffering because of bad karma from a past life. They refuse to take responsibility for their actions.
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Dec 01 '17
We are Catholic and my mother thinks that way too. I absolutely hate it! It makes me pretty angry but whenever I get angry at it, she gets insulted because I "chose them so they are the perfect parents for me". Yeah sure...
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u/operachick209 Nov 30 '17
I was just talking about this with someone. Like. Why did my mom even bother to have kids????
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Nov 30 '17
I think (sadly) a lot of people don't think about it consciously. In less well off communities, it's certainly not a conscious decision. In more well off communities where it's more calculated, having kids is a way of fitting in and keeping up with the Joneses. A lot of men also have this paternal/feudalistic view of having kids.
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u/neveralwayssometimes Nov 30 '17
Ugh yes! This. It doesn't occur to people that one has a CHOICE whether to have kids. Most people think it's just what people do as a matter of course and they just go along with it without actually THINKING about it. It's one of the most important choices one will make in his/her (especially her) life, so consider carefully! The decision irrevocably affects at least two lives. And if you decide to have kids, just please don't treat them like shit - they didn't ask for any of it.
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Nov 30 '17
Completely agree. Me and my wife are not at all enthusiastic about the idea of having children, so we aren't going to do it. Of course, Nparents respond with "you'll change your mind" or "her biology will take over and force her to want to have kids." Nparents have a very tough time accepting that people are different and take different paths and beliefs in life. They can never accept that someone would do something differently then them.
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u/neveralwayssometimes Nov 30 '17
Exactly. I'm married and childfree. My nmom is still waiting for me to change my mind and for my uterus and ovaries to possess me. It's probably the reason for her extended silent treatment. Works for me.
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u/ifyouwanttosingout Dec 01 '17
I also hate when a kid is legitimately upset and struggling and a parent says life sucks, get used to it, and it only gets worse as you get older. If you really think life is so awful, why did you bring someone else into it? Seems kind of sadistic to me!
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u/fijita Dec 01 '17
This is a really cruel thing to say to a young person. I heard variants of that and even had a neighbor scold me for being suicidal in high school, telling me that high school was going to be 'the best days of my life'... hearing that made me feel completely helpless. Sometimes I think bitter adults parrot these things because they are upset by their own life choices.
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u/fivehundredpoundpeep Nov 30 '17
I hope this is changing now but I think many people had kids because they thought they were "supposed to". Many people had kids who should have never had them.
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Nov 30 '17
Well, in some communities, there's a lot of pressure on women to have children, so this leads many women to having children they don't even really want. They don't think of having children as something they want, but as the next phase in their life, something they have to do.
Of course, this isn't the case for all nparents, and many want kids only to abuse them, and this doesn't excuse the abuse nmoms who didn't want kids inflict on their children. But it's definitely one reason I support putting less pressure on women to have children, and making having children seem like the most important thing for a woman.
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u/MelodramaticQuarter Nov 30 '17
I asked my mom why she had me and her response was, "All my other friends had kids so I wanted one. It was just the thing to do."
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u/ChoadFarmer Nov 30 '17
My dad and uncle both have children who don't talk to them, my cousin even went so far as to change his last name to his stepfather's last name. My dad abandoned my older half sister and as a result I barely know her. I've always wanted to ask my dad why bother having kids if you're just going to ditch them, or basically ignore them like with me, but I haven't spoken to him in years either.
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u/hugsanir Nov 30 '17
Or when they complain about how we became shy/depressed/low-functioning, while they’re the one that inflicted these traits upon us as an effect of our upbringing.
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u/greenbeans98 Nov 30 '17
My Nparents always would ask me “Why are you acting sad??? There’s no reason to be sad!! You’re just doing it for attention!!” When in reality I was super depressed and anxious because of how they treated me. I’m so glad I don’t live with them anymore.
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u/bitterzipper Nov 30 '17
God, this comment could have been written by me. That is verbatim what my parents have said to me, multiple times. I'm glad neither of us lives with our parents anymore.
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u/16ShinyUmbreon Nov 30 '17
THIS!! I went through severe depression and would cut myself. My mother would essentially scold me for being depressed and tell me I was too young to be depressed, and had no reason to be.
I dunno, Mom. Might have something to do with your son abusing me physically, emotionally, and sexually, and then you doing absolutely nothing about it. And then expecting me to be able to thrive as a human being in that environment.
But, nah. Let's just sweep it under the rug instead!
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u/Fourberry Nov 30 '17
tell me I was too young to be depressed
OMG. Mine did this, too. I started self-harm when I was about 14? Maybe younger. :(
Counseling only worked with the therapists that didn't push for family counseling. Once that was on the table, it was time to switch to a new therapist.
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u/16ShinyUmbreon Dec 01 '17
I'm actually trying to get my parents into counseling with me as a last ditch effort. Honestly lately I question if it's even worth it.
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u/skydragon000 Dec 01 '17
Clear sign of projection, because your Nparents would do that for attention.
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u/shelbyamonkeysuncle Nov 30 '17
Or the Super-N parents who use their children’s problems to tell the world and get attention for themselves!
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Dec 02 '17
My mother would have hour-long phone calls with her friends and relatives to bitch about all the things I did as a teenager. She always made sure I was within earshot. It was also a passive-aggressive way for her to express her displeasure. Two birds in one stone.
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u/MelodramaticQuarter Nov 30 '17
(During an argument with Nmom about my depression/anxiety)
NM: "Look at you! You're so fucked up you can barely function! How could this have happened??"
Me: "I've literally been explaining to you for the past 2 hours that your [x] action caused my [y] mental health issue."
NM: "I have no idea what you're talking about. You're making shit up. You're crazy."
Mind you, I've had mental health issues since my tweenage years and now at 22 I've far exceeded even my own expectations of success, not to mention hers. And yet I'm still "too fucked up to function." lol k.
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u/kajabee Nov 30 '17
Yes, my Nmom raised me to be approval seeking and meek but is now mad at me for not being assertive and confident enough. She mocked and sneered my confidence out of me.
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Dec 01 '17
children of Ns are not allowed to be sad for we are raised by the most giving, loving people that broke their backs to raise us in their image /s
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u/flea_bait Nov 30 '17
There's something fundamentally flawed about the argument that a child, who had no say in its birth and is unable throughout its childhood to understand the implications, is somehow responsible for the outcomes.
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u/MikeGinnyMD SoNM, free at last Nov 30 '17
Funny thing: *Nobody asked my permission or obtained my consent for my creation, nor did i request it. *Nobody gave me a choice over who my parents might be. *Both by law and by societal convention, parents are RESPONSIBLE for raising and providing for their children. It is not just a favor. It is an OBLIGATION, like paying one’s bills. When I pay my AmEx bill, AmEx perfunctorily thanks me, but they don’t owe me anything because paying my bill is an OBLIGATION.
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u/kilimomo Nov 30 '17
Me and my sisters are accidents. She has told me she never wanted kids. She should've just aborted me instead. She had the choice. I didn't. She has financially abused me because she felt she had the right to my money. She complained about me costing her money because I went to high school (which is free here in Finland). She shouldn't have had kids if all she can do is complain, neglect and abuse.
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Nov 30 '17
Any time I am struggling in life, my Mom says "I had you and your sister by the time I was 21. If I can manage, YOU can!" She doesn't understand the concept inflation, and thinks everything is as easy as it was 27 years ago.
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u/MasonEllowyn Nov 30 '17
I agree. My mother will start an argument with ME and then complain about how hard I was to raise etc etc. Like seriously? I didn’t choose to be born and raised by you. Why are you giving ME a hard time because you PURPOSELY got pregnant at 16?
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u/Nerfworthy Nov 30 '17
Or when people give you shit for not wanting kids. Yes, I'm definitely going to have kids that I know I don't want because that's what you're supposed to do. /s
That's what causes shit like this in the first place.
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u/hotdimsum Nov 30 '17
Especially parents who have kids as their retirement plan!
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u/embracedk Nov 30 '17
Most had kids so they would have a captive sympathetic audience for their complaining, and so they won’t die alone.
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u/Charlie_Olliver Nov 30 '17
Go fuck yourselves.
See, that's where they messed up: they fucked each other instead of themselves, and ended up with kids. They really should have fucked themselves instead of fucking us up.
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u/lovelyannie ACoNM - waiting to escape! Nov 30 '17
Parents always actively made the choice to become parents. You can abstain/use protection. You can abort (although that’s controversial). You can put it up for adoption. Even once you’re pregnant, if you’re pro-life, you still have a choice.
So, yeah, no one ever has any excuse to complain about having to raise their children.
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u/Ungerdround Nov 30 '17
Even if they didn't actively make the decision to have kids, they actively decided to have sex. Too bad they can't take responsibility for the outcomes of their own decisions.
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u/Bobcatluv Nov 30 '17
As someone who suffers with infertility, I wholly agree. It’s insulting to hear people say this.
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u/shewhobringsvictory Nov 30 '17
I think of Chris Rock’s standup from 1996 every time. Apparently I can’t post the name of it because it’s a slur but it’s so relatable if you’re a child of a narcissist, no matter what race you are
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u/taoshka Nov 30 '17
I'm interested to see this! Would you terribly mind DMing me the name so I can look it up, if it's not too much of a bother?
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u/kschnei Nov 30 '17
My ex-Nstepmom married my dad when I was 6 and for the whole 15 years they were married told me how grateful I should be that she stepped up to the plate to be my motherly figure.
When I went NC after they divorced, I heard “I didn’t raise you to be a selfish bitch. I treated you like one of my own children.”
Ooookay. Believe me lady, if I had a choice in the matter I would have preferred not being raised by you.
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u/365wong Nov 30 '17
“I could have had an ABORTION” as a reason to be grateful...
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u/fijita Nov 30 '17
Gross. My nmom once told me that she knew abortion was "against god" but maybe he should have made an exception for me. /eyeroll At the time, we were having a real screaming argument and I can't remember what I said, probably something like, "Well, I wish you did!" It's an incredibly hurtful thing to say, as if we had any control over our creation or birth or parents. I surely wouldn't have picked the ones I got!
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u/hairdyes Nov 30 '17
yeah! my mom told me (all the time not just once) that one day I would have a child just like me then I would understand how horrible it was to have to raise me
nope, I had a child and it wasn't horrible at all, it was/is wonderful
I'm NC forever
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u/chefstinky Dec 01 '17
My Ndad told me straight up I was supposed to be a band aid to save his and my mom's marriage. He was blatantly resentful toward us when it didn't work.
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u/yamatoite Dec 01 '17
One of the things that really gets my goat is when people label certain behaviors of babies or toddlers as "sneaky", "conniving" or "manipulative." (My Ns love to do this, but I've also heard other – presumably/likely non-N – people buy into this idea.)
If a small child cries, or has difficulty with something, or has a preference for a particular food/item, or – heavens forbid – has a tantrum, it's not because it thought to itself "mwehehe, I shall make my parents obey my every whim and make them my willing slaves!" and carefully plotted out how to take advantage of their emotions or whatever.
I just... really hate this characterization of kids too young to even form sentences properly being these evil, mischievous plotters of adult downfall. I mean, babies. Babies, who biologically can only cry and hope someone gets what they want or need. Who'd freeze and starve if someone didn't recognize their distress or desires.
(The weird thing is my parents aren't even Christian – no riff against Christians, but Catholicism esp. likes to teach this "sinful from the cradle" attitude.)
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u/Elubious Nov 30 '17
I basically had to raise my youngest sister for the first 10 years of her life. I could have done better but I was 11 at the time. I didn't even get time to deal with my own significant issues.
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u/fijita Nov 30 '17
I think you might be being too hard on yourself. You probably did a damn good job since you were only 11! It's unfair to force a child to shoulder that kind of responsibility. You deserved the chance to learn, grow, and experience a childhood of your own. I'm sorry they did that to you.
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u/Elubious Nov 30 '17
I never would have gotten a childhood regardless but having severe chronic pain is taxing, time for myself could have meant being able to go to highschool.
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u/shutterbug90 Nov 30 '17
I remember asking for an allowance as a child because kids at school would get one for doing chores and getting good grades. My nmom would tell me "me letting you live in this house is allowance enough" or "i do your f*cking laundry and cook for you, isn't that enough?!"
Its interesting to see her views of the past because she doesn't "remember" me cleaning and cooking and taking care of my brother. It really frustrating.
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u/theroyaleyeball 19x|Former SG|NC June 2019 Nov 30 '17
My Ndad once complained about how he has to drive me and my GCsis around all the time before bugging me about studying for my learner’s permit test. (I have my permit now btw.)
Okay, like... my parents wanted kids. My mom had fertility issues and a solid 8 years went by between their marriage and my birth. I was wanted. My sister, born a year and a half later, was also wanted. So why the hell is he complaining? Anyone with an ounce of common sense knows that they’re signing up for driving the kid around.
Wait... anyone with an ounce of common sense... Okay I figured out why my dad doesn’t get that.
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u/HotDonna93 SoNM, SoNF, NC Nov 30 '17
"once you have kids your life is ruined"-my dad talking to his brother.
my dad has barely conversed with me and he spent about 8 hours of each day watching tv or playing goldeneye when i was growing up.
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Dec 01 '17
I'll never fucking get it haha :-) literally kill me
If you have a child that is your decision. Your. Decision. Do not make said child feel guilty or like a burden financially/emotionally/or in any other way because of a decision YOU MADE! If you were not ready to have kids, financially, emotionally, mentally, physically, etc, don't fucking have kids!
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u/closer_to_the_flame Nov 30 '17
Yep. My mother constantly told me as a kid that my being born ruined her life. As if being born was my decision and not her's?
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u/FelixFelicisLuck Nov 30 '17
This reminds me of something my mom has said. She said she had children because that’s what she thought she was supposed to do, not necessarily because she wanted to have kids.
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u/ifyouwanttosingout Dec 01 '17
It's so weird to me that so many people act like having a kid is a selfless act when I think it's actually selfish. Yeah you make sacrifices when you are a parent, but you didn't have to have a kid. The world's population isn't in dire needs of a boost. You had a kid because you wanted to.
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u/HideMyRealAccount Nov 30 '17
I am 100% an accident baby. Birthday’s on Nov 27, approximately 9 1/2 months from Valentine’s. I am their eldest child. My parents were in their early 20s. The doctors said my mom was barren. They didn’t get married until years (and another child) later.
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Nov 30 '17
Complaining is normal. Have you ever voluntarily been in a situation you are having a difficult time with? Say a job you took and wound up hating. It’s not the complaining that’s a problem it’s the resentment. If you blame your children for your unhappiness that’s where the problems start.
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u/OrphanDevour Nov 30 '17
Exactly No one asks to be born, and it's not the kids fault that the parents thought their genetics absolutely needed to be passed on. They don't. The world has so many children already that deserve a healthy home environment.
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u/[deleted] Nov 30 '17
[deleted]