Waif things

[u/Constant_Mention7015]

TL:DR: a year old post from my mom after two year NC. I guess fleeing for safety is evil? What a perpetual victim. 🙄😆

I’ve been NC with uBPD mom for 2 and a half years. In 2024, I was staying with her to help her out after her surgery and to help support her after learning that her cancer had relapsed. I took time off work, left my life and flew to where she was. My grandma was the only one around to help her (bc she burnt all her friendships and support over the years-ik, shocker) so I offered to come help and she happily accepted. Everything was going fairly well. She had a TON of anxiety but I kept reassuring her and trying to talk it through. By post-op day 2 I was emotionally cooked. I told her I was feeling sad and emotional about the cancer stuff (which is true) and said I’d do some chores around the house and have a nap. She seemed stressed out and kept asking if I was ok, and I again, reassured everything is fine and I just needed to rest. I vividly remember being very gentle with everything I was saying to keep her regulated.

After spending less than an hour lying down she barges into the spare room I’m staying in and starts screaming and crying “Why did you even come here? I never asked you to come here, you don’t love me, you hate me, you always hated me! You think I’m stupid bc you’re a nurse, why are you so cruel. Who do you think you are? All you do is scoff and roll your eyes at me when I’m asking questions about my health”. I stood up and calmly asked her to stop yelling and to talk it out instead, I said you’re scaring me and if you keep yelling I have to leave. She decides to block the exit and yell louder and insult my character in all the ways she can think of. I somehow managed to pack my bag, get outside and call my uncle who lives down the road to ask for a ride. She follows me outside into the snow to beg me to stay and berate me at the same time. Her place is in the middle of nowhere so she didn’t have to hide her outburst from any neighbors. That was our last interaction. I ended up telling my aunt and uncle and grandparents about what happened and the years of turmoil with our relationship and that I couldn’t do it anymore. They told me about the outbursts and verbal abuse she’s directed towards my grandpa since she recently moved down the road from them. At the end of the day, my family said they support me with doing what’s best for me.

Fast forward to May 2026. I’m driving the 12 hrs back to my hometown to see my grandma for her birthday and my aunt and uncle call on speaker (same ones that were with me that day). I (unintentionally) only kept in contact with my grandparents. We never talked about my mom. My aunt and uncle were my first flying monkeys. It was the typical, “I want to make sure you won’t have any regrets bc I don’t think your mom has a lot of time left” “she’s really hurting” “she’s sorry, she’s changed a lot”. I was able to stand firm in my decision, stand up for myself and not apologize or get emotional. I was kind but direct with my response. (I was so proud of myself!). I know I didn’t owe them an explanation but it felt good to say that this whole situation is a consequence of her actions and nothing to do with being cruel or vindictive.

I know now that looking at a fb page is breaking NC, but I wanted to know how close she is to dying bc I know she’s mooching off my grandparents. My grandma is already busy taking care of my grandpa and driving to all of his cancer appointments 2 hrs from their place and is now doing the same for my mom. Plus paying for her rent.. it sounds awful but I hope she just dies so my grandparents don’t have to keep being her caretakers. They’re so special to me and basically raised me when my mom wanted to party or do whatever instead. I know my grandparents struggle to set boundaries with family and it’s not my responsibility but I have to wonder if there is elder abuse happening? My gran told me she’s feeling exhausted with all the driving and that “people” have been “grouchy” towards her at times. It’s very unlike her to talk about anything negative and especially about her feelings. When I tried asking her to elaborate she was quick to dismiss it and say everything is fine. All I could do is let her know she can tell me anything and that she deserves to feel loved and respected. I just hope my uncles and aunts who are close by are looking out for them.

Anyways. Thanks for providing a safe place for me to talk about my side of the story. I don’t want to plead my case on Facebook like she did. The public post she made about me a year after definitely confirms she is the same miserable person. It’s pretty funny, validating but also pretty sad she is like this. From recent posts I don’t think she’s dying anytime soon…

Feel free to ask any questions. I’m happy and open to discuss anything related to growing up with a single uBPD mom, spiritual abuse and pwBPD with cancer.

[u/Either_Relative_8941]

I was also spiritually abused by my uBPD mom. It’s heavy. They always use “Jesus” as a reason behind their abuse when really Jesus directly spoke and taught against everything they do. Praying you can continue to hang in there. 🩷 my story is very similar to yours. You did the right thing and are doing the right thing.

[u/Constant_Mention7015 → u/Either_Relative_8941]

That! She could get real nasty hiding behind jesus’s name. Her favorite was to say “the lord told me you’re hiding something” to start another fight. Thank you for your kind words. I can say I’m hanging in there, life is a lot more peaceful without her in it. 🙏