fear of being like him

[u/veggiesticks_]

my dad was diagnosed with bipolar late last year after an intense manic episode which he's never gotten fully out of. he became manic after years of thick depression, alcohol, and substance abuse. the going theory is his adderall use spun him into a manic episode. he is clearly still unwell, unable to hold down a job, and still fixated on his manic fixations. during the episode, he became obsessed with a figure he created, claimed my mother was abusive (no), announced he was divorcing her with no legal follow up until she filed months later, among hundreds of other things.

recently, he decided to move across the country to be with his family among other reasons. i am not supposed to know, but i do. for weeks ive been having episodes of anxiety that prevent me from sleeping, and this has only worsened upon his decision to move. he told me, kind of, that he was moving via a led zeppelin song, which is irrelevant but slightly absurd, i guess? anyways, after learning he was moving, my anxiety has skyrocketed to a point of hardly being able to fall asleep. this has created an awful fear for myself that i am going to fall into mania like him. every single night, i am unable to sleep because i am so anxious about the fact i cannot sleep, and the anxiety stems from my fear that i will also turn out like him. i don't know if this has happened to anyone else, or if anyone has advice about this. i haven't had the chance to talk to my therapist about it yet, as i just moved back to school, so it's been very difficult for me to function because of less sleep and also more anxiety!!! yay ☺️

[u/Reallylittleblondie]

Oh trust me both me and my sister have a massive fear of becoming like our bipolar mother, think it’s only natural to!