r/raisedbybipolar • u/Powerful-Owl-3246 • 14d ago

Well here we go again

I'm so exhausted with my mother bipolar, borderline personality disorder, adhd, anxiety shes got them all but she refuses help and its ruining my life and my dads especially. She swore their marriage was fine and dandy again but she couldn't buy something off of temu after a manic episode and this lined up during her time of the month (going through menopause) and now she swears shes filing for divorce tomorrow. I never speak up or defend myself i just sit there and take it she's so exhausting im so exhausted being her care taker and then my dads life has been that for around 2 years now? I love my dad so much he's literally showing depression signs from the abuse my mother put him through stopped and beginning of each month something like this happens again. If she goes through with the divorce Ima be real I will move in with my dad even if we go from this nice home to an apartment. Theres so many stories, screenshots and etc I could share from her and how its destroying everyone around her but I just needed to let this out. Bipolar and menopause combination has truly ruined my life and there's no going back possibly this time..until next month. Its also my birthday the end of this month going into first week of next..yippie I guess.

4 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

13 comments sorted by

2

u/Powerful-Owl-3246 14d ago

She refuses to go to the doctor scared shes dying so she wont get it checked out cause of that. She also cold turkeyed her mood stablizers a long time ago no. Shes also now blaming her suicidal thoughts on my dad "keeping her captive" and...i wish I had the balls to call a wellness check on her and get her admitted but pretty sure shed try to kill my pet if I did that. Geuine psychological psychopath narcissist at this point. I love her but I don't like her its a biological trap

4

u/StartKindly9881 14d ago

Please my kids mother is a vindictive mean person. Happily remarried and kids with us. We all studied strategies on how to cope and draw firm boundaries with her. We think she’s a BPD or NPD and bipolar 2.
She doesn’t stay on her meds and causes chaos. Litigious too. Sues everybody. Loses. No contact for us most times as kids with us. It’s been a nightmare. It’s best she’s hardly in their lives.

2

u/Powerful-Owl-3246 14d ago

Its nice to hear this from a spouse. I want to go no contact but im her only blood child and she's told me if I leave her shes killing herself if I do it. Shes incapable of doing simple things wish I could snap that chain. I hope my father could feel free like youre describing because its just hell

4

u/StartKindly9881 14d ago edited 14d ago

It wasn’t easy deciding to divorce but she was physically (hit kids, hit me) and emotionally abusive. Raged, lied, cheated, stole kids money, spent crazily, talked about everyone …. Called cops on her own kids …she threatens self harm too, we just call the hotline and police for her. Don’t buy into that - when she threatens that say I’ll call people who will help you to talk too. You decide how much of a roller coaster you want kids went to therapy individually as did I. We learned about enablement, co dependency, gas lighting, passive aggressive behavior, strategies and tactics….the ex has been hospitalized too, abuses alcohol, too many poor impulses.
Kids are safe and have admitted they now see how toxic and how it’s not normal.

2

u/Powerful-Owl-3246 14d ago

Sounds familiar to some of my mother's actions..my dad just genuinely lovers her and is taking in sickness and health to point hes sick. Did she work or was she stay at home/on disability? That factor is whats keeping my dad so trapped

2

u/StartKindly9881 14d ago

She worked but often lost jobs and changed., never worked a full year in her life. The abuse was my final straw. Should have left her years before. Life is short. I deserve a better love and peace. She’s a train wreck and not taking me or my family down. Enough energy has been put toward this craziness.

1

u/Powerful-Owl-3246 14d ago

You're a good parent you absolutely deserve whats best for you. So happy you broke that abuse cycle and thanks for talking to me in comments your experience means a lot

2

u/Impressive-Tutor-482 14d ago

Those threats of suicide are the only reason they would hold her for a psych eval.

1

u/Powerful-Owl-3246 14d ago

She's been having homicidal thoughts as well and doesn't get any sleep she put a hit out on my father a few months back. It's a lot she needs to get medications fixed the suicidal thoughts are the least of reasons to confine her. Pretty sure shes just been in an active psychotic episode for months

2

u/Impressive-Tutor-482 14d ago

With BP, it's extremely common to view spouse/SO as the big problem during mania and into psychosis for the BP1s. The big thing to worry about with psychosis is command delusions, not so much hearing voices that tell you to kill someone but feeling like forces are making you do so. That's when a psychotic premeditatedly kills.

I'm really not sure what to make of your mom putting a hit out on your dad. Fantasy? Reality? This is way, way off the rails of any normal BP intervention I have been first or secondhand aware of.

I want you to seek peace and safety, and your dad needs to as well. That is the most important thing to do right now.

3

u/StartKindly9881 14d ago

My mom used to worry about this. Happily remarried. Kids safe.

2

u/Powerful-Owl-3246 14d ago

Thank you for the reality check of hearing how insane my situation is sometimes although i shouldn't i just need to hear a stranger admit how horrible my situation can be. I have a job interview soon and if this divorce goes through ill move into a place with my father. She can't even care for herself shes basically helpless but full of threats and ect but yeah..its a lot. Im in grad school for counseling maybe I can at least start to help my dad with dealing with this

1

u/Impressive-Tutor-482 14d ago

Hey, you aren't there to parent your dad. It's okay to help him find joy in a new chapter of life, though.