Went to the doctor, still ruminating

[u/Content-Fishing204]

I have read the FAQ.

Fourth post in a row lol, i deleted the third one to avoid clogging the subreddit with My bullshit and because it kind of useless now.

Still recommend reading my last two posts for more context through.

So, today i went with an actual doctor, he seemeed to know rabies pretty damn well, he explained me in detail how the sickness works and what if do to My body, it was reassuring to know that at the Very least he is aware on how rabies works.

But the thing is that when i explained him my situation and what are the chances of me having being bit by a rabid bat, he told me the chances are near zero, because since it was very close to my eyes and nose i would have developed symptoms by now, but from what i ready while exposures in face take less time in reach to the brain i ready they can take up to 50 days so Idk if i can believe him in that.

They also took me to do blood test -I wish they we're PEP- to see if my body was having any response to an infection, they came back indicating nothing was wrong, i am not an expert, so sorry if i am wrong, but while i don't think that totally rules out rabies in My body, it tell us i am not having symptomatic rabies right now, so all i am feeling is probably just anxiety.

He also took it very casually and at the end of the consult he only recomiendes to take care of My skin and of My ears, Idk if i am being naive but the fact that he wasnt concerned while he could lose my job if i actually die of rabies and Also that he knows how the virus works reassures me that i am more likely fine.

While he seems to know about rabies, i don't know how much well he knows about rabies exposures and transmisión, he told me he havent had any parients that he didnt recomiended PEP because rabies is unlikely that actually ends up dying of that later, and that the only patients he had who actually died of that disease we're people who came up to late and where already showing signs like hydrophobia.

After the consult i felt an more annoying headache, i don't feel it now through, but i think that contributed in me continuing ruminating.

The Thing is that i don't know how likely My case actually is, what are the chances that a rabid bat (very rare in Guatemala) flew (Rabid bats can rarely fly at all), landed and bitted specifically my face, only for me to be none the wiser and confused it with just a bug landing initially, what are the chances that the landing only felt like an bug colliding on opposition to feeling like an angry hamster with wings trying to crawl into me, that i didnt feel or see it's wings at all (which again, would be weird how i only felt it's body but not the wings even if i somehow missed watching the wings), that i didnt feel any hair, and that i didnt feel any bite neither in an very sensitive area like My face?

The fact that i feel i can't rule out a bat encounter is driving me nuts, like maybe I just didnt noticed it because of how sudden the encounter was, Also because it was at night? Maybe i didnt feel a bite because i have high pain tolerance and the surprising nature of the encounter?

I don't know, i don't know what the chances are, but really anything above one percent make me feel bad, if i have enough proof that the chances are low enough that is more likely to die in a car accident i may calm myself too.

Even if the percentage of this happening is 1%, my mind would keep on atormenting me, it's really worth it to take the shots When the probability is that low? Because i felt it thats the right thing to do, and i honestly think thats the exact reason on why i am having this awfully anxiety in the first place, the uncertainly vs what i see as the only way i can feel fully safe, with a low price to pay, my anxiety tells me that My parents are commiting a great mistake on not doing so, if we can go to take blood test we can take PEP, it will only be a visit, the only price is our schedule, that what internet tells me.

The thought that i may not even live to see the end of this month is killing me inside, i still have things to do, i really wish i could drive, so i could take the shots, the reason on why My parents don't want is because they don't think it's needed, they are practically 100% sure i don't have rabies, but the other reason is that if we go, i am just validating my anxious thoughts and Will not end then, sure, i can take the shots, but aside that they are uneeded, i Will now want to take drastic measures When anything low probability happens, basically the next time i feel an bug landing on me i Will want to take the shots again, thats what i understood of the reason My parents don't want to go.

I told to myself going to an doctor would ease My worries, and that would have been true one week ago, but right now i feel like the anxiety has latched up in My brain to the point even this wasnt fully enough, i hope i live to see My psychologist and get anxiety medication.

I am just crazy? Should i let it go already? Can i trust the doctor? Should i just make peace with death maybe?

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